moving on...

Okay. I am going to let go of deer hunt part II, since it's been sticking in my craw for the past few months without any movement. Instead I offer this train of consciousness clearing of my virtual "throat" to kick out the jams and get the juices flowing.

Ahhhhhhhh! So much happening. So many little discussions, distractions and destinations to explore. I am currently engaged in an on-line workshop in Tibetan Meditation. Yes, I know. I was a bit leery at first as well. On-line workshop in meditation? Really? But it does seem to be working and - like anything else - it's really all about what you put into it. I've been getting up at 6:00 AM in order to sit and practice my QiGong before Meghan (my adorable and demanding almost 1 year old daughter) gets up in the morning – otherwise it just doesn't happen.

Patricia, Meghan and I spent a couple of weeks at the end of March over in Ireland, which is a great place to be at just about any time, just outside Kenmare, County Kerry. We walked an average of 1.5 hours a day and actually did very little that we had planned, instead staying close to "home" and making sure that we had Meghan back at the self catering Holiday House for her afternoon nap and bedtime. This did not leave time for my planned hike around the Ring of Kerry, or any of the other mildly ambitious ideas I had for how we would spend our vacation. Mind you, I am NOT complaining. This was possible one of the most enjoyable and relaxing vacations we have had yet - and that's really saying something.

But I really said all that just to set up for something only vaguely related. Our friend Lisa flew over from Germany to stay with us in Ireland for 5 days and we got a few decent chats in. On one of those chats she managed to stir up some shadows I've not had to deal with for awhile. She was pointing out - in my own mind - that I have the capacity to be extremely successful as a shamanic teacher, writer, etc. She believes that I could teach over in Europe and I know that she's right. So I had to ask myself, why am I not pursuing this?

Okay. There are a few layers of answer here. The most immediate reason is that I am very involved in being a new papa, and that is not a process that I want to be any less engaged in than I am...usually and for the most part. Workshops and conferences in other cities already take me out of town approximately every other month. I think that's probably enough for now. That easily brought the consideration to a halt, at least on a superficial level – but I gradually became aware that it was still ticking away at deeper levels. When I hear about a wildly successful teacher who is offering essentially similar or even lesser material than what I do, I sometimes find myself struggling with my decision to put my "work" on a back burner for awhile.

Initially I saw this as my ego feeling jealous that it wasn't getting its just deserts for all the work it was doing. (My ego/I can sometimes get rather full of myself.) So I passed it off with a compassionate smile, assuming that it would dissolve, as such things tend to do. Instead it stuck around. It took me a couple weeks to realize this. It came to me just recently as I was reading about this recently disrobed zen monk/priest and feeling torn between righteous indignation at his sexual misconduct and compassion for the hungers and shadows that have driven him there. It suddenly occurred to me that I am not being entirely aware of my own process here.

I tend to be rather good, or so I allow myself to believe and pride myself in, at paying attention to what my soul, spirit allies, ancestors and teachers want me to be moving towards. This is probably more true than not, but in this case, I realize that I am actually cowering from what I see as "success." While my reasons are perfectly reasonable, they are also allowing me to avoid something I fear: That if I actually become "too" well known or well paid, my shadows will start chewing on me as well. And so maintain a pretty low profile, make sure I don't do anything that would attract "too much" notice, and tell myself that I am showing integrity by being a good husband and father.

It occurs to me now that, while true – this is also a pile of crap. If I was really ready to face my demons, I would easily find ways to move my work of Post-Tribal Shamanism forward while still having quality time with my family.

Not a comfortable place to find myself it. Just goes to show you, as soon as you start resting on your laurels, they will start poking you.

Changes, Constants and Groundlessness

An old and cherished friend came to visit from California the other day. She has known me since the early 80's, when my focus of personal transformation was on western magick. On this visit she asked me what happen with that. Essentially, how did I go from being focused on magick to shamanism. I had to explain that, at least for me, magick was a practice of getting the whole world to respond to my will. It was focused on evolving the ego into something more divine. Shamanism takes a more humble perspective. It recognizes that there are things that are within my control and others that are not. My favorite analogy is the surfer. He has to know what he can control and what he can't. He can pick which wave he wants to ride. He can position himself on his board. But if he tries to control the wave, he just gets wet.

In thinking about this movement, from thinking that I could control everything around me to realizing that I can only control myself and how I respond to my environment, I see that there is a constant as well. One thing that has not changed is the lure of personal growth, realization and awakening. This draws me forward through all my changes, renewing my sense of awe and keeping me from any final, static "answer."

This is the state I find myself in now, today, here: Groundlessness is. That things will change is inevitable. Even what I perceive as constant will be transformed. Shamanism is, and has been for quite awhile now, a good means of focusing the momentary answers that are working for me on this part of the journey. My own personal path, Sheya, has also changed with this journey. It began as a system of magick and is now more of a dharma path or shamanic practice. And yet, the constants are there as well.

The constant is the essential truth within the whole, which is gradually revealed through time, by the inevitable artistry of change – all on the canvass of groundlessness.

Or at least that's how it seems to me this morning. . . .

Writing the flow. . .

Often, when I come out of Stillness from my morning sitting, I am left with a flow of creative energy and think "what a great time to go update my blog!" However, as soon as I sit down in front of the computer, I find that the creative flow has not yet resolved into a word-like substance. And so the updates keep getting put off until I actually drag myself into putting something onto the page. I use this self reflection to preface this entry, because I am still in that flow of creativity - and this is what is emerging. I am going to trust that it will take us all somewhere before I'm done. 

There are many ideas that occur to me during the day - and just as quickly disappear. I'm quite sure that at least some of them are brilliant - and just as sure that most are not. But whatever I may come up with while I'm NOT at liberty to write doesn't matter so much as what comes to me as I sit here now - or anytime I take keyboard in hand and grind something out. Now - just to be clear - I am not complaining. I actually rather enjoy the whole process. . . which leads me to this: While driving across town the other day, I watched a cloud of birds wheeling in the sky and felt a rush of joy rising with them inside me. I thought, "I'm so happy! My life is good. I am blessed with a wonderful partner, right livelihood, a safe and comfortable home. . .." And then I began thinking about how much of my happiness is based outside myself. Some much of it comes from my relationship with my wife, Patricia (aka "the Lovely and Talented") and I started questioning if there was something "wrong" with my happiness because it seems to be so based in externals. 

I took this question home and sat with it; put it on the back burner and let it simmer; and what I've come up with is this: Our happiness in the things around us is based on the choices we make, which in turn is based upon our inner dynamic. When my inner dynamic was clouded and wounded by past karma, I could not make the decisions in my life that led to happiness. Instead, I often chose things (relationships, jobs, experiences) that simply continued the state that I was in already. It took many years of concerted effort at self healing to be able to make healthier choices, less burdened by the experiences of my past. As I was able to make these choices from a more conscious place (due to many years of meditation, etc) I found that I was happier. Was that happiness based simply in the rewards of the choices I made? Or was the happiness the inner root of my outer experience? I suspect the later. 

When I am enjoying a beautiful vista and I feel my heart swell with appreciation, I realize that it is not just the beauty of the view that is involved, but also my capacity to appreciate it. The same is true with anything or anyone who I respond to with appreciation, love, gratitude or joy. When I make offerings to my ancestors in the morning and notice how much more strongly I feel them, it's not because they are any more present than before, but rather that I am now more open to them. 

Has it been mere fortune that allowed Patricia and I to find each other and to be so happy together? I suspect that it is much more than that. It seems to me that, as we grow and develop, we find those things in the world that most clearly reflect our own nature - and in doing so, we reflect the nature of those we find as well.

What I have discovered in this reflection is that the root of our happiness and appreciation of the external is still internal. It is our own inner Self that looks upon the world and sees itself reflected there. As we become more aware of the nature of that reflection, we grow in love and compassion, not only for ourselves, but for all others as well. Truly - to know yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. 

The Happiness of Things

What I had started out to write in my blog entry last time - and never quite got to - was that we were much happier as a people (or so the polls told us) before the advent of the consumer society. Perhaps a movement away from hyper-industrial production, mimicking a war economy, would actually allow us to return to a way of life that was happier and more fulfilling for those of us who are not making the huge profits from this absurd financial experiment gone wrong. 

I've noticed that when someone tends to hold onto things rather than throwing them away, people will say it's because they - or their parents - grew up during the depression. For a long time, I simply accepted this bit of common wisdom without question. Now I'm not so sure. From what I understand of the world before the Great Depression, people had the ingrained habit of conserving rather than consuming and discarding their resources. This was not because of any poverty or miserliness, but rather because they had not been introduced to the throw-away culture that we live in today. This was before built in obsolescence, when things were not only made to last a lifetime, but also to reflect the skills and aesthetics of the maker. 

We live in an older home, built in 1915, and its construction reflects these values. Even the radiator covers, such humble creations, are works of art - and have lasted for nearly 100 years. What products made today have any such expectation? Even the houses we live in that were built more recently have a shorter life expectancy. And as much as I love my Macintosh computer, I know that it is already on the verge of being obsolete after only a little over two years. If I want to keep up with the rapidly developing internet and software, I will need to "upgrade" within another year or so. But do I need to? Do I really need to?

I remember very little of my childhood, but I do have some surreal mental snapshots of being very small and there being a room in the house with some boxes piled on a couch. I suspect I wasn't allowed in the room, nor in the boxes, and so they took on an aura of mystery and treasure far beyond anything they might actually contain. I have a vague memory of creeping into the room - I must have been five or six years old - and opening the box to find a curved bronze dagger in a bronze sheath, something that my Dad had picked up on his travels. There was a magic to that chunk of metal that I've never felt from any mass-produced object of any kind. 

So - what have we lost? And what can we regain? I believe that this most recent economic crisis is nothing less than the long over-due response to an artificial economy, and that it can allow us - at least those who take the opportunity to do so - to return to an economic footing similar to that our parents or grandparents would recognize from their own early years. This would mean making some fundamental changes in how we live our lives. With a basic value on "conserve rather than consume" we could put more of our income into savings. We might take another look at things we spend money on and decide that we really don't need more than one television; a cable service with over 100 channels; a new car every three years; new clothes every season; gadgets that we are going to throw out in less than a year; or anything that we are able to live a happy and fulfilling life without. We might even begin to dismiss the idea that have been drummed into us by advertising over the past several decades: That we must consume in order to be a productive member of society. 

This is not to say that I am some sort of enlightened zen master, no longer attached to material things. On the contrary, I rather like my material things. As I was sitting in our Temple room with Patricia this morning, I was noticing how much I enjoy and am comforted by our "things". To some extent, this is because these objects express and reflect our shared aesthetic, and seeing them gives me an illusion of permanence. It is a way in which we extend ourselves into the world around us and claim our territory. With these objects, we say: "I am here! This is my space - my part of the ever-changing world." 

It seems to me that all of the pieces fit together. The throw-away aesthetic leads to shoddy workmanship and to a greater sense of impermanence. This also leads to people spending beyond their means, because they are told that happiness is to be found in having the latest widget, in the most popular color. And of course, it isn't. If the polls are any indication, happiness was something we found in much greater measure back in the days when we put our money into savings and purchased things that would last as long as we did; when our happiness was based on the health and well being of our loved ones; the closeness and companionship of friends; and, on our own spiritual connection with the wholeness of the world. 

Perhaps this crisis is a blessing in a this disguise. If we have to pare back our spending this year and focus on those things that are both free and priceless, it's not such a bad thing. 

namaste,

Kenn

Shamanic States of Consciousness

There is a lot written about the experience of trance - some of it quite excellent. However, I thought I would take a shot at it this morning. 

First off - the idea of "altered state" is difficult to clearly delineate, since the boundaries of our "ordinary" state of consciousness are so unclear as it is. That said, most of us car recognize an altered state once we are in it. In, my own experience, there is often a dream like quality, and my body seems to move more fluidly and feel heavier. However, some of the most effective states can feel very similar to the ordinary state. 

When I talk about shamanic states of consciousness (hereafter SSC), I am focusing on those states which allow me to function as a shaman. This includes the ability to simply perceive and express from a soul level of awareness. This is the base level of SSC for me. It allows me to sense what is going on with myself and a client in a non-rational, non-intellectual manner that cuts through the thinking mind and directly addresses the deeper parts, which is where my work is. This state is a very present, focussed awareness, which doesn't feel too different from ordinary consciousness. And yet it is the one most useful to the work I do, since it allows me to interact clearly with the client at various levels - communicating in a way that they can understand and staying aware of their body language, tone of voice and facial expression as well as any surges of energy or emotion arising from their soul.

I move into this state using something I call Medicine Body. This is a simple and effective technique (described in more depth in my workshops and my book) that extends my conscious awareness into my aura. This allows me a much deeper and holistic perspective of what is going on with the client. It feels as if the client is floating inside me and I can sense the flow of their energies very clearly. This also engages my intuitive sense and I find that I am aware of what lies beneath the words the client may be using to describe their problem. Knowing this, I can speak to that deeper level, engaging it in the healing process more immediately. 

There are other SSC that range much more deeply, and which make it more challenging for me to remain connected with, and able to communicate effectively, with the client. It takes more energy to maintain the sense of being in two places at once. This is particularly true when journeying with a client. In shamanic body I may be in a different world all together and communicating there directly to the part of them that is present there as well, but in order to have the client be able to take in the work, I need to also be speaking in my physical body to their physical body. 

Moving beyond the work with a client in an office setting, I want to speak briefly of work in other settings. For instance, performing a sweat lodge ceremony entails moving through many layers of consciousness and back again, while creating space that allows for the participants in the sweat to move through these payers with me. It begins around the fire with the opening of the space that is at once emerging from the center of the fire and from the stone pit in the lodge. This is a treatment of space that is essential to much of shamanic practice - the paradoxical sense of One Center. Entering the Lodge brings another deepening and it sometimes takes a teaching story or prayer/chant to ground that before continuing. Each round of stones is a deepening as well, until it becomes clear that it is time to return, and then the journey back needs to be crafted in a gentle way as well, allowing for a safe and comfortable return by all the participants. 

Over the years, I have been gifted with many teachings to make the movement into SSC and back again. But I am also always finding places and states that are new to me; providing new lessons and new teachings. Every day I go into my office, knowing that I will learn something new. It may not always be comfortable or easy, but it is this constant growth and learning that keep this work fresh and alive for me and those with whom I work. Many thanks to all of them and to my many teachers - in both human and spirit form. 

namaste

Becoming a Man of Power

I remember reading Carlos Castaneda's "Don Juan" books back in High School and being fascinated by the idea of a Man of Power. As I recall it now, this was a man who was constantly going beyond his limitations, feared by his enemies, with Death walking beside him. At the time, for a wounded teenager who had no idea where he belonged, this seemed like a good way to be. I wouldn't need anyone. I would be completely self-sufficient. I would be afraid of nothing and others would fear me. 

It wasn't until many years later, when I was studying more authentic versions of native Medicine ways that I discovered that the traditional view of the Man of Power is really quite different. To traditional native people, a Man of Power is someone who is living a good life, in balance with spirit, honoring his ancestors, caring for his descendants. Someone who others look to for advice or help when needed; trusted by his friends and family. A man of integrity, with a good home, a loving wife and healthy children. This is one who is blessed by the spirits, and that is a Man of Power. 

This is a very different vision than what I had read about back in High School, and it led me to consider some of the clear differences in our modern culture - relative to tradition ones - that lead us to believe that power is always something to use against others. 

It seems to me that our modern Western culture, especially here in the US, is more than a little bit like that wounded teenager I used to be. It seeks to overcompensate for its feelings of vulnerability by being so big and scary that no one will come near. It doesn't trust the good will of others, and is more motivated by its fear than by its real strength. Unfortunately, too many of us living here have become reflections of this cultural model. I know that I myself and still healing the wounds of that teenager, slowly realizing that I do belong after all and that there is room for me to explore the gifts that my ancestors granted me.

This is a message that is slow to come to people living here in this beautiful land. This is a place where money and possessions have been given great value, so that those without these things are considered powerless, helpless and pathetic. People here have forgotten that money is nothing more than a means of storing and directing energy. Perhaps it is because they have forgotten their connections to earth, ancestors and spirit that they have put so much onto money. But I can see what an empty goal it is, when that becomes an end in and of itself.

The only true power, in the traditional sense, comes from living a life in balance; honoring your ancestors; caring for those who you love; treating others as you would have them treat you. I have been walking this path for awhile now, setting aside the old wounds and taking up joy. In doing so, my life has changed completely. It has not been easy. The old wounds are hard to let go of. But the result is that I live a fulfilling life. I love my wife and look forward to having a family with her. My work is easy and rewarding, because it flows from within me. I am loved, respected and appreciated by those who are important to me. This is heaven. This is becoming a Man of Power. 

consideration of initiation

It's been awhile since my last post. I've started a few, but they've just not come together. And I'm going through one of those spells where everything seems. . . harder - more difficult and demanding than it really should. Never-the-less. . . I've been taking part in some discussions about initiation in a few different places and it's been bringing up some old questions. 

Initiation comes in many ways, but it comes down to a few essentials - necessary elements. 1) The person has to be capable of doing the work. This means having the talent to heal. 2) The spirits have to have noticed the person - and then begun trying to get their attention. This could be anything from an illness or loss to a life threatening accident or being struck by lightning. 3) The person has to be prepared. This preparation consists of whatever it takes to sensitize the initiate to the energies and presence of the spirits. It generally requires painful loss and ego destroying experiences that leave the person reeling and open. 

As I write this, I can feel the blind spots I still have around this whole process. I know there is still a part of me that wants to somehow justify NOT being a shaman; that would like all this crazy stuff to go away and allow me to lead a "normal" life. I also know it's not going to happen. It was only after years of looking back at my childhood that I realized just how deeply I have been impacted and transformed by the death of my family - and other experiences that I'm still not comfortable addressing in such an open forum. And yet, it's still hard for me to look at it - to put all the pieces together - and then see the complete image that the pieces make: The image of myself as a shaman. Parts of me that learned to disassociate at an early age, which allow me to enter into the healing trances in which I do my work, also want to keep me from accepting the truth of this at any deeper level. It's an on-going struggle. 

Another element in my own process of becoming a shaman was the actual realization - the looking into the puzzle/mirror and seeing that image reflected back at me through the limited work I was already doing. The retroactive tour of my early life - most of it still clouded - that made me accept this transformation/awakening came even later. First there was the recognition that what I was doing was shamanism. Then there was the gradual realization that I was a shaman - followed by the understanding that this process had been going on my whole life. (Apparently I'm a slow learner.) 

There is a lot of discussion around the crisis of awakening to the shamanic consciousness - the realization that you are going to be doing the bidding of those "psychological allegories" we call "spirits." In my own case, it was a series of crisis which I survived, one after another, until I belatedly woke up and realized what was happening. After all, I have spent most of my childhood and a good bit of my early adulthood in a fog. I still feel that it is only gradually lifting - that I am beginning to see the world in all it's profound beauty and intricacy only now. I suspect this process is going to continue for quite some time. 

I still have questions about the role I am accepting. I know that it feels to my deeper self that I am answering the call of the spirits and that I am here in service to the community of souls that includes humanity, the earth and much more. I also have my doubts. There are times when I hear about the shamans who can actually shapeshift - or levitate - or in some other way really transcend the apparent rigidity of this physical existence - and I wonder if what I am doing is "real." But Grandfather has long taught me  that there are different kinds of "real" - just as there are different kinds of shamans. The work that I do with my clients fulfills some deep hunger in my soul. When I watch someone awakening deeper layers of herself; breaking out of the box of ego and fear and habit - I KNOW that I am doing what I need to, and that there is something that thanks me. That this is all part of something greater than anything I can imagine, and that I am - to some extent - placing myself into alignment with that greater presence. I don't know that I can ask more than that. 

namaste

Good Teachers, Ego and

I want to write something about how difficult it has been for me to find a really good teacher in this lifetime; how my own ego got in my way and made it hard to accept anything less than amazing master teachers; and, how I have managed to find a few of those - in spite of myself. But it's hot, humid and my brain cells are moving at a perfectly appropriate speed for this set and setting - just this side of completely stopped. So - I will give it a shot. 

As I've already stated, I have found it almost impossible to locate a "good teacher." Most of this was due to the fact that, my childhood being what it was, I hadn't a very high regard for authority or those who felt they had a right to wield it. That cut out quite a few teachers from the start. Then there are my admittedly high-ish quality standards for both form and content of anything I would be willing to take the trouble to learn. I felt I needed to have a true master from which to learn, so - even when I took a class from someone - I didn't really accept them as my Teacher. That would have been admitting that they knew more than I did. And as insecure as I was, that was the last thing I could have done. My loss.

In spite of all that I managed to run into Elisheva; an amazing woman who was at the time - some 20 plus years ago - everything I always wanted to be when - if - I grew up. Or at least that's how it appeared to me. Because of this, she managed to hold my attention long enough to get some core lessons across to me - all without me even noticing. I'm still not sure how she managed some of it. All I know is that I think I was looking the other direction when it happened. She remains my best friend and mentor to this day. 

About 17 years ago I heard about a weekend of Tai Chi workshops being held over in Northern Kentucky and decided to go down and check it out. I had been teaching Yang style Tai Chi in a haphazard way for some 5 years and thought I pretty well had the whole thing figured out. With a strong grounding in Chinese Medicine and QiGong, I knew more than the average Tai Chi instructor.    . . . Master Ting was NOT your average Tai Chi

instructor. After that first workshop I stopped teaching Tai Chi, because I realized that I knew nothing about Tai Chi. Master TIng was like the blind monk who taught Kwai Chang Kane in that old TV series Kung Fu - except that he wasn't blind and he has never taught me how to use throwing stars. At least not yet. Master Ting is amazing. He truly is a Master - both as a martial artist and a teacher - so of course it took me more than a few years to get around to working with him again. Now - at long last I am taking workshops from him a few times a year. Even bringing him to Cincinnati to teach once a year. (You should really ask me about that if you have any interest in excellent martial arts.) 

Finally, there is Heinz Stark. Back in 2001 I was teaching a series of Shamanic workshops in Cornwall as part of a tour I was leading there. (see my book Dance of Stones: A Shamanic Road Trip) My friend Lisa (Soli in DOS) had just been introduced to Constellation Work in Germany and was overflowing with enthusiasm for this new technique. I asked her to show us how it worked and we wound up spending every evening doing constellations instead of what I had planned. I was blown away by the power and possibilities of the work - as was Patricia who was along on that trip as well.

Lisa gave Patricia and I a present of some Constellation Work with some German facilitators on our next visit to Berlin, and we became even more enthralled. We had to find a way to study it - but couldn't see spending a couple years in Germany (though I was beginning to consider it). Fortunately, another friend and one of my shamanic apprentices at the time found that there was an in-depth training being offered up in Racine, WI. We checked into it and it was clearly too expensive and too time consuming for us to do do - so I went anyway. After the first weeklong seminar, Patricia joined - and we have been facilitating together ever since. But that beginning was not easy. I had to look at Heinz, with all his very human foibles, and accept that he had something very valuable to teach me. That was the first time I knowingly accepted someone as my teacher. And I've never regretted it. 

Now I am hoping to find yet another teacher - and hope to be open to whatever adventure they have in store for me - kicking and screaming all the way. 

namaste

One Center - everywhere

It would be easy to assume that a shaman is necessarily a dualist - that if you see more than one world, then you also see things in terms of black & white; good & bad. 

At least in my case, this is not true. At least on some days of the week, I am an animist, like many shamans. If you take animism to its natural conclusion, this becomes clear: All is One. If we honor the divine in trees and rocks and animals - even humans - then we are seeing the One in every reflection of that One. 

Perhaps the most important lesson Grandfather ever taught me is simply this: There is only One Center. It just happens to be everywhere. 

This is completely consistent with the idea of the holographic or fractal nature of the universe: That you can see the whole in any part, and that by altering one part, you change the whole. 

If we take this further we discover a doorway to infinity. The One Center is set into an infinite source of energy/Qi and leads to anywhere you want to go. Mind you, I've not figured out how to take my physical body with me on these journeys - yet. The One Center is the doorway between the inner and the outer; the upper and the lower; the One and the Other. It is that which both manifests and divides the One - through what we experience as consciousness. 

The shamanic perspective is at one fundamentally pragmatic and practical while still being intimately connected with the spiritual world of the ancestors and the numinous. What gives this perspective such power is the realization that these are two ends of the same perspective. They are not opposites but rather different views of the very same thing. 

The things is, this unity that we experience as a duality can seem quite complex at times. It can be confusing to the senses, the mind, even to the soul, which can yearn for the illusion and for the real at the same time - perhaps because they are truly one and the same. We can talk about escaping from samsara, but it is here - in the heart of what we know to be illusion - that the real is most immediately available in all it's variety and wondrous chaotic magnificence. 

As a shaman, I see many worlds, and yet, each of these worlds is a reflection of the One. This world I'm typing in is another reflection - or emanation - of the One. It is up to us to chose which reflection we experience. We do this by awakening - manifesting the gift of consciousness - to the realization that we can live in heaven or hell. We can be hungry ghosts or gods. The choice is ours. If only we know it. 

namaste

Jai, groundlessness!

Coming out of a funk of groundlessness yesterday, I was struck by the way in which this state of "I have no sense of ground beneath my feet" can contribute to the awakening of my deeper Self. The sages tell us that sitting in the discomfort of groundlessness and simply acknowledging it works wonders, but I've not had much opportunity lately. Things have generally been going so well that it was difficult to summon up a real sensation of discomfort - much less groundlessness. 

To be clear - what I'm talking about it that very real awareness of the impermanence of everything - including yourself. It often comes up during periods of major transition - like death. It reminds us of something our egos usually manage to ignore, with varying degrees of bliss: Namely that we are not the constant and unchanging "thing" that we might like to believe that we are. That everything we see and smell and touch and love will pass away, as will we. 

You can tell when the groundlessness has hit, because of the welling sense of existential nausea that begins to flow from your center, adding a jaundiced tint to everything you encounter. Now remember: This is what you've been hoping for! Keep that in mind. Now go and sit in this discomfort. Watch it. Observe how your ego writhes in agony. See the monkey mind bounce off the walls and scream. All is well.

Once you reach that place of the calm inner smile, begin to feed the discomfort like a fire. Let it burn all the parts of your perceived self away. This makes room for your true Self to emerge. 

Resting in the inner smile, your true Self takes on the cloak of permanence and plays the game of forgetting and becomes the little self. 

No beginning. No end. All is One.

namaste

LumensGate coming of age

Over eighteen years ago, Keter and I - along with Elise, Sam, Tara and a few other folks - founded Lumensgate. The idea was to have a venue for effective transformative ritual. We started at Brushwood Folklore Center near Sherman, NY. Primitive camping, co-ed showers and rained out rituals were the norm - along with the occasional seasonal camper showing up during our ritual cycle and freaking out our participants. We were too small - less than 100 people - to reserve the whole space for our private use and so after six (?) years we moved to Four Quarters Nature Sanctuary, near Artimas, PN. The primitive camping, outdoor showers and rained out rituals continued. But we now had shelters to eat under and Holly began creating the beginnings of a meal plan. 

And it was all worth it. Each year we created a ritual cycle on a theme that we received from the LG gestalt. We re-united the Virgin and the Whore; the God and the Goddess; the magickal and the mundane. We opened our hearts to Community; connected with the Divine; and, retraced our ancestor's steps through the Dreamtime. As a gestalt, LumensGate has grown and matured over the years, taking many of its participants with it. 

The heart of the event was - and is - the heartfire that is lit at the opening ritual and extinguished at the closing. This fire is where the three worlds come together and the One Center opens to allow us to do the work we come there to do. 

Three years ago, with many of our staff and participants no longer so willing and/or able to handle sleeping on the ground and getting rained on for several days at a time, we made our second move from Four Quarters to Hope Springs Institute - near Peebles, OH. This move brought with it many changes. Our costs skyrocketed. (Moving from primitive camping to a retreat center will do that.) Our attendance, already small, dropped off. Many of the folks who had thought of LumensGate as a magickal or neo-pagan gathering, didn't like the shift to a more expensive venue. That first year at Hope Springs, we were not sure if we would be going forward - but by the end of that event it was quite clear that we were. 

Hope Springs has been great. It feels like this is the first location for LumensGate that is a real "fit" for the work we are doing. Their sense of maintaining sacred space and stewarding the land reflects our own perspectives. In many ways, it's like finally coming home. And this partnership has helped to support my own sense of LumensGate's continued growth and momentum. We've even discussed the possibility of adding additional "editions" of LumensGate in different parts of the country, using the spiritual tech we develop for the one at Hope Springs. Very exciting! But the best thing that has come out of the past several years is the maturation and integration of our planning staff. Keter and I are the only ones from the original crew, but Donna has been with us for 16 years and Patricia has been on staff for 9 years. Over the past few years we've joked that between the four of us we have a single brain. This has been a powerful experience for me - never having been much of a team player. I have had the pleasure, honour and challenge of serving with a group of unique and amazing peers. 

Last week, Donna - our Registration Goddess for the past 16 years or so - invited Patricia and I for lunch. It was a great lunch in her lovely house, with her dog Gandolf keeping us company. There she informed us that she is leaving in September for Montana and would no longer be able to serve on the staff for LumensGate. This was hard to accept, but it was clear in her voice that this was coming from the root of her being. All we could do was honour her choice and be prepared to grieve when she leaves. 

Just yesterday we had our first planning staff meeting for LG '09. At the top of the agenda was "staff transitions." I was thinking that this would be a discussion of who we would be asking to join staff and how they would be brought onboard. Instead, we found out that Keter too will be leaving LG. We knew that she was planning to move to San Francisco, but there had been talk about her flying back for staff meetings. Now it is clear that this won't happen either. It was an emotional and difficult meeting for all of us. 

I feel that both Keter and Donna are doing what they need to do to be true to their inner voices. I respect that - even as I grieve their loss. We will not be able to replace either of them, and there will two big holes in the inner landscape of LG for a long time to come. 

Now the question is: Where do we go from here? It would almost be easier to let go of LumenGate - to allow it to dissolve. But that would not be true to MY inner voice. So I find myself in a difficult place. I feel the need, not only to continue, but to grow LumensGate - to establish additional events that use the rituals and exercises we create for the main one. But in order to do that, we need funds - resources to invest in promoting LumensGate to a much broader marketplace. LumensGate is the premier ritual event in North America, and there are many people who are hungry for what we have to offer, but hardly anyone knows about it. 

I realize that we cannot make this happen with the resources we currently have. We need people who understand promotional work and who can help take us to this next level. So I am putting this dream out to Spirit. And humbly asking for help.

namaste

awakening the teacher

For many years I have been rolling around the idea of "teacher" in my head - trying to figure out just what we mean by this word. 

As language is painted onto the essential concepts that we try to communicate, a veil is placed between the person who expresses the concept and the one who receives that expression. And yet, without that veil, would we even be able to communicate as well as we can? 

This particular concept has been calling my attention more lately as I've been designing a training program for Sheya mentors. Even there - in the choice of the word "mentor" instead of "teacher" - is a further attempt to communicate some essential variation on the concept, which is probably lost in the process. For me - though I still haven't quite gotten "teacher" firmly delineated - "mentor" is one who supports and assists the student through a process which they have voluntarily taken on. It is less concerned with passing on specific information than it is with helping the student through the various pitfalls and avalanches of the chosen path. 

This realization about "mentor" reminds me of the confusion arising from "teacher". There are teachers who stand at the head of a class and shove information into children's heads. There are teachers who sit in caves and spout nonsense to awaken their occasional visitors. There are teachers who have no contact at all with their students, but create patterns of words and images that continue to instruct others for generations after their own death. 

With this wide spectrum of usage, we really need to be clear what we mean when we say, "this is my teacher." It could mean anything from "I take a French class from this person" to "This person has awoken my soul." 

This leads to the question of what is my role when I accept someone as my student. If I believe that I'm being asked to help them awaken their soul and they think I'm just going to spoon-feed them some intellectual "mysteries" that will allow them to live a more interesting life - we have a problem. It is my responsibility to communicate the essential nature of the service I intend to provide to any potential student - along with any boundaries, expectations and goals pertaining to the relationship. 

Over the past 20 years or so that I have served as a teacher (with varying degrees of competence and incompetence) I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing that prepares you for the task other than actually doing it. If a person is open to learning from their students, they gradually improve their teaching. This has been my experience and it continues to awaken my capacity to teach at deeper levels. I would say that I have learned considerably more since becoming a teacher than I knew when I started. And the process continues!

namaste

random thoughts for today

It occurs to me that many of the apparently discrete things that I'm interested in all overlap in some way. Essentially, Chinese medicine/QiGong bils down to the same map as shamanism. Tone and vibration play a part in each. The whole of Sheya is rising from the same structure - integrating tools and techniques from all of them. It's all the same thing expressed in different ways. At a superficial level, it's an obvious and simplistic statement, however, at a deeper level it is also a reflection of the nature of all those pieces.

Not all teachers are appropriate for every student. I can tell if a teacher has something of value for me to learn by observing who he is and how he lives his life. If he is the sort of person that I would like to be, then I might be able to learn something from him. The person I am now - and the person I want to become - are different from who I was and wanted to be when I was twenty. Therefore, the teachers I look to now would have been invisible to me then. 

Context is everything - a warm coat is bliss to someone in a snowstorm, but on a sunny beach it is repulsive. The same can be said for much else in our world of samsara. Even though we may "realize" that it is all illusion - that there is no difference - the experience of matter and energy as "real" is remarkably persistent. Is this really just a matter of perception? Or is the very nature of our context such that, in order for us to experience, we take on this dual existence? 

Terma - there are hidden teachings everywhere. Not only in the rocks and caves of the Himalayas, but in the everyday experience of each and every human being. However, one of the keys to accessing these "hidden" teachings seems to be a process of opening doorways in certain objects - like special rocks - and exploring what we find there, with the intention of discovering such teachings. What can the nature of this key tell us about the fundamental nature of our relationship with the world around us? Is this the meta-teaching behind the terma?

seed stone sits in the palm of my hand

opening doors beyond mind

I close my eyes and contemplate

endless sky

The Miraculous Quality of the Mundane

One of my earliest memories - I think I was seven - is of riding in a truck cab with my father, listening to the radio. Quite suddenly I was struck and overwhelmed by the vast, complex and intricate network of people, skills, interaction, cooperation and efforts that made radio possible. It wasn't just that someone had invented the radio itself but that there were people who paid for advertising products, which generated income which allow allowed other people to make music and play it over the radio so that others would listen to their music, and the advertising, and perhaps even purchase the products advertised, thus completing the cycle. I don't know how long it lasted, but I was pretty stunned by the complexity of it all. 

Quite a few years ago, when I was twenty something and was meditating for hours a day, I once went for a walk and realized I could feel the sidewalk humming. I saw that even the sidewalk, made of crushed sand and grit, was still alive - that everything was filled with Chi. This realization left me quite blissed out for hours afterwards. Since then I have always tried to keep in mind that the whole of the world is alive and conscious at some level. Not just the trees and animals but the stones and even the dixie cups. 

Yesterday, in the shower, I found myself looking at my twin bladed razor and thinking "this too is alive." It was tempting to laugh it off - seeing myself as ridiculous. But it's true - and miraculous. Consider the miracle of the razor: Not only is it an item that could not be produced by our bare hands. Not even a skilled blacksmith with a complete set of modern tools could craft this simple product. It takes the completely (apparently) unconscious and unskilled attentions of a robot factory fed on the remains of long dead monsters that once roamed the earth, to slap together a construction of plastic and steel that would not even exist if not for the current trends in human society to 1) be clean shaven, 2) compete with each other for resources, 3) constantly strive to find and meet previously unrealized needs in order to more effectively compete with other monkeys for

  increasingly scarce resources....and it occurs to me that sometimes miracles are not things emerging from puffs of green smoke but instead arising from the fog of the everyday trance - that even awakening from that trance, even for a moment. That is a miracle. We humans - building trash heaps of wasted resources on which we sacrifice the future of our unborn generations in the vague hope of another moment of unknowing - and suddenly acting out of compassion we transform everything - with a single smile we change the world. It is worthwhile - valuable - beautiful. . . and never to be encompassed by mere words. This magical, ecstatic Mystery that we are. What grand visions we mistake for mundane refuse. 

namaste

Initiation

Shamanism is one of those things you can read about in every book in the world and still not really grasp. This is because words live in one world and the roots and reach of the shaman lie in others. Access to these other worlds is not defined by intellectual understanding, but by direct experience - experiences that we call initiation. An initiation is a doorway opening into these other worlds. It might take many forms in this world, but if it is an effective initiation, it will have the impact of opening your awareness to the worlds of the shaman. 

It could be something as simple as a life threatening illness that shoves you out of your body and into an "hallucinatory" state in which you encounter beings or information that change your life. I could be something more specific, like a ceremony in which your physical body is ritually dismembered and your organs replaced with glowing gems. 

Initiations generally take one of two paths. Either they occur naturally - illness, car accident, lightning strike - or they are planned and orchestrated by those who have already encountered these doorways and know how to acquaint you with them in a safe and relatively non-traumatic way. If you have the choice, I encourage you to seek the later. They are much easier. Still terrifying and overwhelming, but much easier than the initiations that spirits provide you with if they feel you are not responding to their calls.

Those initiations that are encountered haphazardly in life seem to be sent by spirits that have decided they have a use for you. It would help if we lived in a culture that recognized such encounters for what they are and responded appropriately. Instead, what often happens is that the spirits get frustrated when we don't respond and so they knock louder. Eventually we either wake up or we don't survive. 

I don't mean to say that every car wreck, epileptic seizure or coma is a call from the spirits. This is another way in which words to not begin to express the nature of what it. There is a unique quality to an experience that is an attempt by spirit to wake you up. You may experience this quality in the disorientation of your consciousness and the sudden awareness of things that you didn't know before, but suddenly realize to be true. It can all be quite confusing - and there is little difference between someone called to be a shaman and a madman.

Of course, as indicated by another meaning of the word, initiation is only the beginning. 

Diving for pearls. . .

Like pearl divers, who learn how to hold their breath for considerably longer than the average person, we modern humans have learned - however unintentionally - to live without the necessary element of community. However, as any pearl diver can tell you, the need does not go away. 

Unfortunately it seems that we've forgotten that we have this need for community, and in the process, forgotten what community is. You can see the frantic attempts to fulfill this essential hunger - in the creation of internet "tribes", Special Interest Groups, sport clubs and other new variations on the theme of community. What it comes down to is that we are desperately hungry for real connection with others. And our modern culture has evolved by ignoring and attempting to replace this fundamental need with personal achievement, individual recognition and sovereignty. While these may all be good things in and of themselves, they also keep us from realizing that we cannot do it alone. 

It is past time for us to rediscover the recipe for real community. It will not be a return to the way things were. We can't go back. It will need to be a movement forward, informed and inspired by what we once had, but honoring who we have become. Rather than returning to a sense of tribe in which the individual is submerged in the whole, we will need to explore how to create a real sense of connection and integration between sovereign and equal individuals. This will mean going through a lot of work - together. It will be more than swapping emails, IMs and blogs. It will mean getting sweaty and dirty working together on something of value to the whole group. It will mean going beyond the range of comfort for those who you share this wholeness with. It will mean living in proximity and committing to maintaining that proximity, even when it becomes difficult. It will mean working THROUGH difficulties together. 

Only by going through the necessary stages of development together can a group hope to become a whole. It seems to me that more and more of our rugged individualists are ready to make this leap into the unknown and unremembered place of communion.

namaste

It's all in Stillness

It's one thing to say that everything your soul needs for its process of awakening is right there in the practice of Stillness/meditation. It's quite another thing to put into coherent terms just what these packed away resources are. I can describe the impact that the unpacking has on a person's life: The deepening of sense of Self; the greater vitality and clarity of connection, but it is such a personal and intimate process that I hesitate to go beyond those generalities. 

What I usually find is that those whose souls are already awakening immediately sense the validity of the claim and either begin practicing diligently or run the other way, depending on how they feel about the prospect of becoming more awake. It's the one's who are further from the goal who seem to have more difficulty in recognizing how something so simple and apparently inactive as meditation can have a significant impact on their lives.

One of the most difficult points to get across to some is that Stillness is not a struggle. The idea is not to repress our thoughts; to shove them down until they give up. Indeed, as soon as you start fighting, you've already lost. The trick is in letting them go. Just like a rock resting on the floor of a river lets the water go.