Shamans Touch

The Shaman's Paradox and an Excellent Fedora

2011-12-19T04:04:00.000-08:00

I would like to think of myself as non-materialistic. It fits with my philosophy and ethics and general worldview, so when I find myself coveting something that is – to my view – outrageously expensive and unnecessary, I have to take a moment to be mindful of what is happening.

Now, I will admit to having a fondness for fedoras and that I try not to leave the house without one. I like a warm head and shaded eyes...and I suppose there's a bit of my sense of identity wrapped up in it as well. My dad wore fedoras, and this is one way for me to express my loyalty to him. However, I generally find my fedoras on Ebay and pay no more than $50 for one, which should last me for many years. So I was surprised to find that, when I came across some truly amazing hats – the kind "they don't make anymore – being produced by a little company in Tennessee, I was so taken with them that I am seriously considering ordering one, even though they start at $800.

At first, I tried to laugh it off and let it go, only to find that the idea of wearing such an excellent hat kept re-emerging. So I took a look at it. What was is engaging about this? What deep hunger is it tapping into? Why can't I just shake it off and be done with it? It took awhile sitting with this quandary before I realized what it was about.

One of the aspects of life as a working shaman is that, on the one hand I need to keep myself very grounded in the everyday world, in order to be able to do my work and relate to my clients. On the other hand, I need to stay in touch with Spirit/Soul, in order to do my work and relate to my client's souls. I spend as much as six hours a day in soul awareness, working with clients, in addition to my own personal practice. So keeping myself grounded in the relative world of the ego is sometimes difficult. (It helps to have a lovely wife and daughter, who keep me engaged with their loving presence.) I call this the Shaman's Paradox – that I need to live and function in two apparently contradictory realities at once. Buddhists – who have an excellent vocabulary for this sort of thing – refer to it the relative and absolute. It's not that it's so difficult, but it does help to have "things" to anchor me into the the relative world. Since my ego is already aware the permanence is an illusion, it really likes to have something that is at least long-lasting. These hats remind me of the fedora I wore in art school – a gift from my friend Troy Gerth. It was a buttery soft, fur felt stetson, probably made sometime in the mid-40's. It disappeared at a senior party in the foundry, right before graduation, and it was a great loss.

When I think of wearing one of these fedoras, I feel myself suspended between the relative and absolute – enjoying the beauty, quality and comfort of the relative world, while appreciating its fleeting nature with equanimity. This brings me to a place of peace about my apparent obsession with ordering a very expensive, custom made fedora, but it doesn't get me any closer to doing so. However, it does keep me very aware of what I yearn for in this relative existence. When I hold such a well-made object, constructed from the best materials, I experience the beauty of it's design, the care with which it has been made, the sensual quality of its material and the sense of all these elements coming together in a meaningful way – assuring me that there is value in this experience of being human and being Here. I realize that I look for these same qualities everywhere in the world – in myself and in friends, in my home and – apparently – in my hats. Not such a bad thing, I think.

Note: I visited with my dear friend and mentor, Eli, yesterday. When I told her about the hats, she said, "You should do like they do in Italy. Put it on your wish list and ask your friends to contribute. Then you could have a present from all of them that you would really love."

I'm considering this.

Shaping Your Life

2011-12-13T03:37:00.000-08:00

I just returned from my morning run and am reflecting on the lessons it offers me about life. At the moment, my body is just beginning to take me seriously again after a month off and then a couple weeks back in training. For the first week or so, it was treating each workout as a one off – not really expecting me to continue. After all, it's not easy getting out of bed at 6:00 to go meditate and it's even more difficult to then put on my running shoes and go out into the cold (below freezing!) dark night and run three miles. So why would someone who enjoys being warm and comfortable and getting a full night's sleep even contemplate such a thing?

Each morning, when I start my run, I have to disengage from my rational mind in order to get out the door. I treat it as a habit - as some odd thing that I do without thinking. This gets me out to the sidewalk and around the corner. Next thing I know I'm pounding along the pavement, shivering slightly and already beginning to drop into stride. After the couple blocks, I look up and see the moon – not quite full anymore but beautiful – and my mood begins to lighten. The first mile drops away and I am warmer and feeling good. I begin to think about how life offers such wonderful opportunities – like running – to shape our lives.

Just as my choice to get up and run or workout most mornings shapes my life now and in the future, so do the other choices we make. The more intention and awareness we bring to this process, the more clearly we can determine the life we are choosing. One of the keys to the process is recognizing and taking advantage of the opportunities we are presented with.

Gratitude is the open doorway to abundance. This adage has fueled a lot of of growth for me. Realizing that by appreciating what I have and feeling grateful for the gifts I am receiving, I open the doorway for that flow to continue. I have since realized that having gratitude to my mother and father, for the gift of life I receive from them, lets my soul know that I am ready to receive these gifts – and all other good things.

Another opportunity to consider is joy. When we experience joy, we affirm whatever we are engaging in, lending its presence strength in the matrix of our life. So, pay attention. The more you feel joy, the more you welcome experiences that bring you joy.

A final experiment for you. Next time you park your car in a metered space, consider leaving all your emotional baggage with the car. As you put your coins into the meter, think of all the burdens that you are going to be leaving with your car, while it is parked. Walk away without them. When you return, be very careful about what you choose to take back. Give it a try. I thought of it on my run this morning and am curious to see how it will work.

Soul Healing

2011-12-04T11:23:00.000-08:00

This term – "Soul Healing" – can be read in two ways: Either as the healing of a wounded or damaged soul, or the healing the Soul offers the ego. Shamanic practice makes use of both of these meanings.

First – a brief overview of what we mean by "Soul" and how it is viewed from a shamanic perspective. From the perspective of my teachers, each human being has at least three souls while they are alive in the physical body. One of these souls comes to them at birth from their physical ancestors, and ties them to these ancestors throughout their life and even after death. I call this the "Ancestral Soul." There is also a Soul that has lived other lifetimes before this one, and will probably choose to live other lifetimes in the future. I call this the "Reincarnating Soul" or "Infinite Soul." Finally, many shamans would consider the ego, the part of you that thinks of itself as "me" and which is formed by the interaction between your other souls and your physical body, creating an interface with the world we experience around us.

At the death of the physical body, the first two souls tend to move toward the ancestors, into the Under World, while the ego portion will tend to stay near the body until it gradually dissolves. Once in the Under World, the two remaining souls will rest, coming to resolution about their shared lifetime. When this is reached, the Infinite Soul will rise up through the World Tree to the Upper World, where it will make itself available to a new baby being born into the Middle World. Here it will combine with a different Ancestral Soul and gradually form a new ego.

When it comes to healing, these different Soul provide radically diverse opportunities. The Infinite Soul is the one part of the Self that does not change. Communing with this Soul; moving into the awareness of this Soul and resting there, is a profound healing practice that impacts all the other parts that make up our sense of self, including body, mind and energy. In short, this is done by a regular practice of sitting meditation that focuses on resting in Soul Awareness. The Ancestral Soul, on the other hand, is very likely to be carrying distortions from the traumas and wounds of previous generations of the family. These wounds can be healed to a great extent, if the Soul is willing and open to the process. Finally, the ego – if we are to consider this a soul as well – carries its own share of injuries from this current incarnation, much of which can be addressed by a competent therapist. Still, there are things that can be quite helpful in the healing of the ego, which modern therapists tend to shy away from. One example of this is "soul retrieval" which can be a very effective treatment for ego/soul trauma.

This blog post is only a brief overview. Depending on responses, I may go into more detail on this in later posts.

Studentship

2011-11-26T06:38:00.000-08:00

When receiving instruction from a spiritual/shamanic teacher, it is important to place one's self in the most effective state of consciousness to receive the depth of the teaching. This is because, unlike subjects which which can be communicated through words, numbers, diagrams and the like, there are many spiritual teachings which can only be passed along through direct transmission.

By direct transmission, I mean that the teacher and the student share a field of charged energy, through which the teacher shares a profound experience or realization with the student. This is not something that can adequately be described, nor can it be communicated through books or film. Though it is possible, if the student is truly ready, for the transmission to arise spontaneously.

Back in the late 70's I had the opportunity to attend a siddha yoga event. I was quite young and very resistant to the idea that there was anyone who knew more than I did about anything of interest to me. However, I had been attending a small local siddha practice group for awhile and had memorized a couple of the chants, so I thought I would give it a try. The first day, I sat with my legs turning to lead and fire, feeling gradually more and more excluded and disconnected from what was going on around me. I was able to get something out of the guru's talks, but I found that my mind insisted on questioning everything he said, and that I would often miss points, because I was busy refuting something in my own head. I finished that day frustrated with myself and with the whole experience. Worst of all, I was stuck there for another day.

I began the second day without any expectation other than boredom and discomfort. Late in the morning, we began one of the chants I had memorized and I was able to keep up for a change. It seemed like we chanted the few simple lines of sanskrit for hours, perhaps days. At some point, I realized that I was smiling and that my body felt warm and expansive, rather than painful and congested. The chant finished and we sat in silence for a long while. Glancing around, I saw that others were also smiling and I found that it felt good to be sharing this with them. Then the guru began to speak. I don't recall anything that he said, but do remember laughing with others at some of his comments. At one point, he paused and and turned toward me, looking into my eyes. My body shuddered involuntarily and he smiled and turned away, continuing his talk.

Nothing else remains in my memory of that day. It is as if a very small and precise nuclear explosion went off inside of me, wiping everything clean. To this day, I cannot put into words what I received in that moment, but it remains within me, and has helped to lead me to other teachings. One thing is clear though, I was extremely fortunate to experience the event is such a way that it peeled away my resistance, doubt and inhibitions, leaving me unknowingly prepared to receive that spark of realization.

Over the many years since that event, I have slowly come to realize just how important preparation and attitude is in the process of receiving spiritual teaching. I now realize that much of the meditation and chanting that so many spiritual practices use, places the student into an extremely receptive and open state, where they are most capable of engaging the energetic field of the teacher and of receiving what passes through that field.

In my own teaching, I try to be transparent about this process of preparation, letting my students know that the most important things that they will receive from the workshop will not come from what I say, but from their experience of being present in the shared, charged space.

There is of course, a place for discernment as well. To accept the instruction of any teacher, myself included, without discernment is potentially dangerous. But the time for judgement is after the teaching is received. Then is the time to try it out. Put it to work in your life and see if it has meaning to you. If it does, then you know that you have received something of value for you. If it does not, then you know that you can move on.

Become a Student of Gratitude

2011-11-24T14:02:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about gratitude yesterday – it being Thanksgiving Day and all – and feeling particularly appreciative of all those teachers who I have received from over the past 52 years. My Beloved wife pointed out something to me the other day: That it's not enough to offer gratitude to those teachers who I naturally respect and appreciate. I also need to be grateful to those teachers who I may have had a less than completely positive experience with.

There is a wise old saying that "gratitude is the open door to abundance" and I've found that to be very true. For instance, the more gratitude I have felt toward my ancestors, the more I have been able to receive their blessings and the gifts of this life. The same is true when we look at those teachings that we have received – which could be anything from the multiplication tables to meditation techniques. If we look with gratitude upon those who have passed these teachings on to us, then it makes us more capable of receiving them and putting them to use in our lives.

In my mind, I've been retracing the steps of my life, offering gratitude to all those teachers who have impacted the journey so far. From teachers in grade school and high school to martial arts instructors and the fellow who taught me hypnosis, way back in 1978 – it is quite a list. I imagine I will be filling in the blanks for many years to come, and adding new ones from the present as well. It is a strangely uplifting process, which I would recommend to anyone who desires to be a more effective and grateful student of life.

The Ambiguity of Shamanic Practice

2011-11-13T09:58:00.000-08:00

In art, when two shapes are very close together or touching, this creates a visual situation that is often uncomfortable for the viewer. This is even clearer in the classic image that can be seen as either two profiles or as a vase. The mind can look at one or the other, but has difficulty seeing both simultaneously. In a similar way, the shaman is constantly dealing with a much larger paradox: That of the soul and the ego. The awareness of the soul is non-dual and lacking in the sense of self, while the consciousness arising from ego is locked into the dualistic world of time, space, and all the related bits and pieces.

This makes for a situation which most people find distinctly uncomfortable, but which is necessary for the shaman to maintain in order to do the work of healing the soul level wounds. Much of this healing is accomplished by the shaman maintaining an open awareness of soul while holding the client within the field of this awareness. This allows the soul of the client to align with the client's ego in a productive and healing (and Mysterious) way. This is a fascinating subject in its own right, but for the moment, I am focusing only on the ambiguous nature of the practice for the shaman.

Another classic example of the ambiguous nature of shamanism is Journeying. This is usually done by extending the consciousness of the shaman into a different body – one that is capable of moving into and through the three worlds and beyond – while still maintaining some function in the physical body and ordinary consciousness as well. So you are sitting in your physical body and speaking to a client about what you are experiencing simultaneously in your shamanic body. This is rather like patting your head and rubbing your stomach at the same time – only more so.

The root of this ambiguous nature is simply this – and it actually applies to everyone and everything, but shamans tend to be more impacted by it – that the nature of existence is both absolute and relative. This means that the relative world – the one we generally consider "real" – is present on one hand, while on the other, the absolute is also present. To make this a tad clearer, I will offer my personal favorite creation story.

Before the beginning and outside of space, the One rests in its own awareness. This One contains all that is. It is a resonating singularity, unexpressed in any way, until it looks into the void and sees its own reflection. Its response is to jerk away from this reflection, this "other." This response sends the One away from itself. This movement creates the very space through which it moves, and creates time by moving from one moment to the next. This flight from itself continues until the One – now manifesting as two – begins to yearn for the wholeness of itself. Much like a rubber band will resist being drawn out too far, and upon release, will try to return to its original shape, the Two/One begins to move back towards its source. However, having created the relative world of duality, it is now trapped within this creation. As the separated parts of the whole come back together – now manifesting as the primal duality of Matter and Energy – they find instead that they cannot reunite, but can only connect in a more limited fashion. Matter is suffused with energy and becomes animated. Energy is contained by Matter and experiences resistance. This mutual experience is the birth of Consciousness. Consciousness is the reflection of the Awareness of the One, within the world that is created by its dissolution.

Clearer?

revving up the blog & the difference between Shamanism and Therapy

2011-11-11T11:50:00.000-08:00

Okay - so. Just has a meeting with some students from the University Marketing Department, who gently reminded me that I need to be updating my blog at least once a week...as opposed to once every six months. In the interest of getting off on a fresh start, I offer the following:

A couple weeks ago, someone questioned the validity of my delineation of shamanism and psychotherapy, and I was not able to give a satisfactory response. Having given the matter some thought, I'm still not sure I can clearly articulate the difference. However, I am becoming much more aware of the quandary.

What I have said is that "the psychotherapist aims to heal the mind, while the shaman aims to heal the soul." While this is true, at least in many cases, it doesn't really address the fact that "soul" and "mind" are only words we use to map the landscape of the human experience. I cannot even say that the tools and intention of shaman and therapist are all that disimilar. The more I work with really excellent therapists, the more I come to see what they are doing as shamanism by another name. At the same time, the way the psychotherapeutic literature describes the process excludes much of that the shaman offers.

As a shaman, I can go to places on the map of human experience that most psychologists or therapists are trained to avoid. I can speak of the spirits of ancestors and of connecting with missing pieces of the soul, or of journeying to the spirit of the land to make peace with the place you live. On the other hand, I do not work in terms of diagnosis and I am constantly holding an intention of integration toward wholeness in my awareness, which guides my words and actions when in session with a client. Perhaps it is this difference of focus and mapping that allows me to differentiate my work from that of the psychotherapist.

I will dwell on this more. Thanks for getting me thinking about this Joshua.

moving on...

2011-05-09T16:34:00.000-07:00

Okay. I am going to let go of deer hunt part II, since it's been sticking in my craw for the past few months without any movement. Instead I offer this train of consciousness clearing of my virtual "throat" to kick out the jams and get the juices flowing.

Ahhhhhhhh! So much happening. So many little discussions, distractions and destinations to explore. I am currently engaged in an on-line workshop in Tibetan Meditation. Yes, I know. I was a bit leery at first as well. On-line workshop in meditation? Really? But it does seem to be working and - like anything else - it's really all about what you put into it. I've been getting up at 6:00 AM in order to sit and practice my QiGong before Meghan (my adorable and demanding almost 1 year old daughter) gets up in the morning – otherwise it just doesn't happen.

Patricia, Meghan and I spent a couple of weeks at the end of March over in Ireland, which is a great place to be at just about any time, just outside Kenmare, County Kerry. We walked an average of 1.5 hours a day and actually did very little that we had planned, instead staying close to "home" and making sure that we had Meghan back at the self catering Holiday House for her afternoon nap and bedtime. This did not leave time for my planned hike around the Ring of Kerry, or any of the other mildly ambitious ideas I had for how we would spend our vacation. Mind you, I am NOT complaining. This was possible one of the most enjoyable and relaxing vacations we have had yet - and that's really saying something.

But I really said all that just to set up for something only vaguely related. Our friend Lisa flew over from Germany to stay with us in Ireland for 5 days and we got a few decent chats in. On one of those chats she managed to stir up some shadows I've not had to deal with for awhile. She was pointing out - in my own mind - that I have the capacity to be extremely successful as a shamanic teacher, writer, etc. She believes that I could teach over in Europe and I know that she's right. So I had to ask myself, why am I not pursuing this?

Okay. There are a few layers of answer here. The most immediate reason is that I am very involved in being a new papa, and that is not a process that I want to be any less engaged in than I am...usually and for the most part. Workshops and conferences in other cities already take me out of town approximately every other month. I think that's probably enough for now. That easily brought the consideration to a halt, at least on a superficial level – but I gradually became aware that it was still ticking away at deeper levels. When I hear about a wildly successful teacher who is offering essentially similar or even lesser material than what I do, I sometimes find myself struggling with my decision to put my "work" on a back burner for awhile.

Initially I saw this as my ego feeling jealous that it wasn't getting its just deserts for all the work it was doing. (My ego/I can sometimes get rather full of myself.) So I passed it off with a compassionate smile, assuming that it would dissolve, as such things tend to do. Instead it stuck around. It took me a couple weeks to realize this. It came to me just recently as I was reading about this recently disrobed zen monk/priest and feeling torn between righteous indignation at his sexual misconduct and compassion for the hungers and shadows that have driven him there. It suddenly occurred to me that I am not being entirely aware of my own process here.

I tend to be rather good, or so I allow myself to believe and pride myself in, at paying attention to what my soul, spirit allies, ancestors and teachers want me to be moving towards. This is probably more true than not, but in this case, I realize that I am actually cowering from what I see as "success." While my reasons are perfectly reasonable, they are also allowing me to avoid something I fear: That if I actually become "too" well known or well paid, my shadows will start chewing on me as well. And so maintain a pretty low profile, make sure I don't do anything that would attract "too much" notice, and tell myself that I am showing integrity by being a good husband and father.

It occurs to me now that, while true – this is also a pile of crap. If I was really ready to face my demons, I would easily find ways to move my work of Post-Tribal Shamanism forward while still having quality time with my family.

Not a comfortable place to find myself it. Just goes to show you, as soon as you start resting on your laurels, they will start poking you.

the Deer Hunt – part I

2010-10-02T10:37:00.000-07:00

It is 6:05 AM. I have just forced myself from bed in the still dark hotel room. Stumbling over pillows and comforter knocked to the floor during a night of tossing and turning, I make my way to the lit bathroom and crank on the shower. A few minutes later, much refreshed by the scent blocker bath gel, I pull on my layers of hunting garb and prepare to head out in to the early morning. I stuff my army surplus pockets with sheath knife, binoculars, freezer bag, vinyl gloves, hunting license and permit, tag protector, cell phone (on vibrate) and permission form, signed by the owner of the land I'm headed out to hunt.

I scouted the land again yesterday afternoon, stopping by at the house to pay my respects to Gene. On my walk down the access road, I watched a snake slither across my path just ahead of me. I smiled at the good omen. Everything looked good. Plenty of deer sign, though I didn't spot any actual deer. I did check out the man-made pond, where I saw a yellow spotted frog, and a dried creek-bed, where I saw a chipmunk and lots of deer tracks. I took time to connect in with the land spirit as well as Deer spirit and Grandfather. All signs looked good. After a few hours of practicing my somewhat silent and stealthy stalking, I went off in search of a hotel room for the night.

Arriving at Gene's farm house, I kill my lights before they can shine in his windows and park in front of the open pole barn. I open the back of my car and begin going over my checklist. I seem to have everything I will need. I consider taking the coil of rope with me, just in case I get lucky first thing and need to string up the carcass to do the field dressing, but I don't want to load myself down, so I decide I will come back for it after I tag the deer. I take only one arrow, with the assumption that I probably won't have more than one chance to shoot anything. Knocking the arrow, I head out for the access road. It is still mostly dark as I practically skip down the partially graveled road. I am moving as quietly, but quickly as I can, balancing speed and quiet for what I hope is a happy medium. I see the turnout for the pond and move more slowing in hopes of surprising some deer at their morning drink. No luck. It's just me and a few birds. I take up a position on the far side of a small mound, so that I will be out of sight of any does and bucks that come wondering up from the west.

I've been squatting here for over an hour. The sun is above the horizon. Fish are popping the surface of the pond and a duck flies overhead – but no deer. I move into shamanic body and journey into the Under World to chat with Deer. I assure the Old One that I am here to honor the old contract between humans and the deer. I make offerings of tobacco, corn, salt and beans. I've been making these visits for the past month, leaving offerings and asking for Deer to help me find one of HIr people on this hunt. As usual, I don't get much of an answer. The dew is beginning to dry on my bow where it has settled into the long, sawtoothed grass. It is time to move.

Cutting back across the access road, I decide to try some more stalking. I wade into the waist-high weeds at the tree line, carefully turning to avoid the curving limbs of berry bushes with their hooked thorns. Now I want to be really quiet, so I go to stalking mode and am doing pretty well, until I lose my balance and come down hard on some twigs, snapping them loudly in the stillness beneath the trees. There is nothing I can do about it, but I begin moving even more slowly, carefully threading my way towards a large tree that probably has a clearing around it. As I approach the tree, I see that someone has built a tree stand against the trunk . . . several years ago, and it is now hanging off at an angle. Not something I would want to try to climb. Peering through the undergrowth, I spot another big tree that I think I recognize from my scout yesterday. It has wide undulating branches that make it look a little "spooky." Smiling to myself, I begin working my way through the trees, brambles, berry bushes and assorted unknowns toward this landmark.

Suddenly aware that I could get lost in here, I stop to orient myself. I can make out the open sun-lit space of the access road off to my left. The spooky tree is straight ahead. That puts Gene's house and fields beyond that, which means that I have already strayed out of the proscribed hunting zone (the farm I have a signed permission form for) and into what I've been told "shouldn't be a problem." Forging ahead, I make it to the tree with spreading arms. The undergrowth is more sparse beneath the limbs of the tree, so I can move more freely. I peer off in all directions, wondering where the deer may have bedded down for the day. I touch the ground with my fingers and send a prayer to the land spirit, asking for its help on this hunt.

Shamanic Spirituality

2010-09-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

One of the often difficult aspects of authentic, shamanic work is that the spirits that one works with generally have their own ideas of what you need to do and they expect you to follow them. If you don't, you run the risk of loosing the alliance with that spirit. I've certainly tested Grandfather, my spirit ally to great lengths in this regard, but he has stuck with me none the less. Eventually he gets through to me. It just takes awhile. For the past ten years or more, he has been "suggesting" that I learn deer medicine by going bow hunting and connecting with the spirit of Deer. I've managed to put it off all this time, but now that I'm finally moving forward with it, I find that Deer medicine is surprisingly powerful and meaningful. This is filling an old blind spot that I had no idea was still present.

All of this leads me to consider more about the sort of spiritual path that shamanism provides.

The foundation of shamanic spirituality is Animism – the awareness of the presence of the divine in all things. Without further definition, this makes for a pretty broad spectrum spiritual practice. I remember realizing just how deeply this goes on our trip to India, where there are places in which pretty much everything is sacred.

Add the Soul to this already intoxication mix and you have a very rich spiritual melange.

For myself, this has generated a constantly changing practice of mindfulness, self realization, honoring of my ancestors and other spirits and recognition of the divine everywhere. But the fundamental is a regular sitting practice that seems to create space for the soul to enter more fully. Everything else in the practice is built on this connection with soul.

How the Role of the Shaman has Evolved

2010-09-14T05:07:00.001-07:00

In the early hunter-gatherer cultures, there is substantial evidence to suggest that the shaman's role covered a lot of territory. The shaman was the healer, the seer, priest, storyteller, judge and even war leader at times. As society became more settled, moving to agriculture and cities, there was more excess food to support those who didn't directly work at finding or making the food. This lead to specialization. Roles that were originally part of the shaman were taken on my others. Priests, diviners, storytellers and others developed their own niches in the culture, and the role of the shaman become more focused on direct communication with the world of spirit.

This original state developed to what we see today in many traditional cultures. The shaman takes care of healing the wounds of the spirit while the medicine man or woman heals the ills of the body. The two often work in tandem for their patients.

In our post-tribal world, we see that the shaman is re-emerging in response to a need that is not being met by the mainstream religions or modern psychology. This need is the soul's hunger for connection – with the earth, our ancestors, the divine and our own selves.

This is the work of the shaman in our current western culture: To bring the pieces of the whole Self back together, realigning mind, body and spirit into Human Being.

What is "Real"?

2010-07-29T08:02:00.000-07:00

All of our perceptions of reality are based upon – or extrapolated from – the product of our five physical senses. The general paradigm is "if I can see it, touch it, taste it, hear it or smell it – it must be real."

The problem with this paradigm in a shamanic context is immediately apparent. So much of what we are working with – the soul, spirit, ancestors, journeying – deals with experiences that are necessarily beyond the realm of our physical senses.

Fortunately, it is relatively easy to refute this perspective – as I've done frequently in many workshops and with many students over the past twenty years – through direct experiences that the ego cannot entirely dismiss. To this end, I suggest a definition of reality that allows for a much broader experience: "If the experience leaves a lasting impact on my life – it is real."

THis is not always enough. Many people have an ego that is so strong and fearful, that it doesn't allow them to experience anything that it feels threatened by. Perhaps what I'm looking for is really more a matter of "validity" than "reality", however, because we tend to discount anything that doesn't pass our definition of "real", I need to address that directly.

Another, more subtle, paradigm of reality is "if you experience the same thing I do, then it is probably real." This is also problematic in shamanic work, because to much of what we encounter is filtered through our subjective perspective. When encountering the World Tree, everyone seems to experience "something" that they define as the World Tree, however,t he details vary widely. I do not believe that this is because what they are experiencing is really so different but that we do not have the practice of matching our perceptions to a consensus in the otherworld as we do here.

At the root of all these issues, is one prime cause: That is the struggle between the ego and the soul. It is the nature of the soul to awaken, just as it is the nature of the ego to resist that awakening. The soul is patient, but it will respond to opportunities. The ego wants to hold onto the illusion that it is the Self. Having to recognize that it is merely one part of something much larger is uncomfortable at best and generally terrifying. But it is this recognition that really frees up the Self to experience a larger reality and thus re-set the paradigms of what is real.

Walking Between the Worlds

2010-07-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

So – I'm just back from two back-to-back neo-pagan events at Brushwood Folklore Center near Sherman, NY. I have been making this trip every year for perhaps 15 years or more, and it provides me with an annual milestone of sorts – checking in with myself each year to see where I am relative to where I was.

Brushwood has been hosting gatherings of this kind since the early 90's, and has gradually grown into one of the premier sited for the neo-pagan movement to hold large festivals.

Over the eight days there – teaching workshops, attending workshops, chatting with interesting folks, catching up with friends who I only see during Brushwood time, and just hanging out with my dear friends at Camp Sashu – all this served to open my heart and move me into a fairly deep altered state. Leaving that space and driving home has been a kind of movement from one world to another. Over the past few years, I've noticed that there is less of a shift.

The shamanic perspective is that we are living in many different worlds all at once AND that all these worlds are the same world – perceived from slightly different perspectives. The ideal is to – eventually – integrate all the worlds (and all the parts of the Self) into one, unified whole.

Coming home from Brushwood, I stopped for gas and noticed that I was scowling slightly at the people around me. I wondered why, and looked at what was behind this. I realized that I felt vulnerable and disconnected from these "others" because I had spent the previous eight days connecting within a limited community setting. This had created within me a sense of "us and them".

Taking a few slow breaths, I attempted to extend my sense of "us" to include the rest of my fellow humans. I'm not sure how well it worked, but I stopped scowling.

And I'm very happy to be home.

Banging Head Against the Wall (Publishing eBook)

2010-07-11T14:05:00.000-07:00

Just a brief update here.

I've spent my spare time over the past month formatting my Dance of Stones manuscript to be published as an eBook – only to have it run into issues in the conversion process. Apparently there are mysterious things that happen when a Pages document is converted to a Word document. In any case, I finally got most of the issues sorted and it is now available through www.smashwords.com. If you would be interested in reviewing the book on the smashwords site, contact me and I will give you a code for 50% off.

Back to life as a papa shaman.

namaste,

Kenn

The miraculous Quality of the Mundane (II)

2009-12-09T20:25:00.000-08:00

One of the gifts of being a new father is the constant reminder to really be mindful of what a miracle this life is. It's easy to see that when I look at my beautiful little daughter, but this is a reminder fro me to realize that miracle in everything else I see as well. This miracle is not just in what is beautiful, or beloved or even alive. It is in all the bits and pieces in between as well. It is in the concrete sidewalk, the plastic cup, the rusty hinge on my garden gate and even in the plastic keys that I am typing on. The miracle is existence. It is easy to take this miracle for granted, but stop for a moment – right now – and open yourself to the realization that all of it is miraculous.

Let that soak in a bit.

Post-Tribal – not Anti-Tribal

2009-10-12T17:32:00.000-07:00

I've had a few people respond to the concept of "post-tribal" as if it was a reaction against "tribal." This could not be further from the truth. While I have great respect for the various tribal traditions, "post-Tribal Shamanism" simply recognizes that, for those of us not raised in a tribal setting (with tribal values, spirituality and internal ecology) it is inappropriate for us to use some of the shamanic techniques that most clearly pertain to tribal culture. The most obvious case of this appears in the relationship between the shaman and his/her patient. In a tribal setting, it is often appropriate for the shaman to act in the absence of the patient, or even without the patient's knowledge, for the good of the tribe. In our modern culture, this action would disempower the patient, causing the power to be projected onto the shaman. This is something we should try to avoid, as this sense of personal power and responsibility is considered essential for people in our culture.

not generic shamanism

2009-10-07T20:07:00.000-07:00

One of the responses I've encountered to Michael Harner's "Core Shamanism" is that it is "generic". I understand the charge. Harner essentially plucks shamanic practices out of the context of the indigenous culture and drops them into our Post-Tribal Culture without much – if any – context. His idea seems to be that when many cultures all do the same thing, that this thing is "core" to shamanic practice and can thus be done by others not of that culture as well. In a sense, it's like he's offering a non-branded version of shamanism.

I wish to differentiate this approach to shamanism from Post-Tribal Shamanism. While "Core Shamanism" extracts practices from their tribal contexts, it is still derived from that matrix. The practice of Post-Tribal Shamanism is often inspired by the practices of indigenous shamans, but is embedded in the matrix of our Post-Tribal culture. It is a non-tribal "brand", but it's still a "brand".

One of the challenges of Post-Tribal shamanic practice is that the context in which we operate is so different from the other "brands" of shamanism. One simple example of this is the fact that we, in this Post-Tribal culture are not brought up with an understanding and awareness of our ancestors or the fact that we are part of something much larger than ourselves. Our parents may have something to say about this, but the culture itself does not respect or honor the ancestors. It does not honor or value the Earth, spirit or our own souls. While the other brands of shamans are helping their people to focus on their place in the world and how to function appropriately, we Post-Tribal Shamans must begin by reminding our people that they are part of a tapestry of life that stretches from their ancestors, through them, to their descendants. We must help each individual discover their own balance – the way in which it makes sense for them to live. There are no "brand specific" qualities that easily fulfill this need. Instead, we must constantly improvise in the moment to come up with what is needed to deal with Now.

New Post-Tribal Shamanic Video – Shamanic Journeying VS Creative Visualization

2009-09-25T19:39:00.000-07:00

rediscovering childhood

2009-09-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that I'm not alone in having a childhood that is only dimly remembered. My very first memories are quite vague and nothing definite until after my sister was born when I was 3 1/2. So it is fascinating to have a child of my own now and be experiencing the other side of the parent/child equation. With this new experience, it occurs to me that my parents also loved me, doted on me, fed me, played with me and responded as best they could to my every need.

Though I have no memory of it, as I carry my 4 month old daughter around the house, I begin to sense at some preconscious level, that my mother carried me in much the same way. Sang to me, babbled nonsense to me and treated me as parents tend to treat their beloved offspring. With this recognition, other feelings arise, and I wonder if this is not yet another unremarked aspect of parenthood – this rediscovery of one's childhood from a vastly different perspective.

Changes, Constants and Groundlessness

2009-08-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

An old and cherished friend came to visit from California the other day. She has known me since the early 80's, when my focus of personal transformation was on western magick. On this visit she asked me what happen with that. Essentially, how did I go from being focused on magick to shamanism. I had to explain that, at least for me, magick was a practice of getting the whole world to respond to my will. It was focused on evolving the ego into something more divine. Shamanism takes a more humble perspective. It recognizes that there are things that are within my control and others that are not. My favorite analogy is the surfer. He has to know what he can control and what he can't. He can pick which wave he wants to ride. He can position himself on his board. But if he tries to control the wave, he just gets wet.

In thinking about this movement, from thinking that I could control everything around me to realizing that I can only control myself and how I respond to my environment, I see that there is a constant as well. One thing that has not changed is the lure of personal growth, realization and awakening. This draws me forward through all my changes, renewing my sense of awe and keeping me from any final, static "answer."

This is the state I find myself in now, today, here: Groundlessness is. That things will change is inevitable. Even what I perceive as constant will be transformed. Shamanism is, and has been for quite awhile now, a good means of focusing the momentary answers that are working for me on this part of the journey. My own personal path, Sheya, has also changed with this journey. It began as a system of magick and is now more of a dharma path or shamanic practice. And yet, the constants are there as well.

The constant is the essential truth within the whole, which is gradually revealed through time, by the inevitable artistry of change – all on the canvass of groundlessness.

Or at least that's how it seems to me this morning. . . .

A Shamanic Perspective on Belonging

2009-08-20T12:40:00.000-07:00

When our soul wants to enter into this world, it requires a means of doing so. To do this, it works with our ancestors to create a vehicle to carry it into and through this life. We call this the physical body. The soul then uses this body and all its senses to act as a lens through which it enters the world. But as soon as it passes through the lens into the world, it becomes caught up in the senses, the information, the overwhelming complexity of sound, color, texture, scent and emotion. What joy! This part of the soul that has arrived in the world is then shaped by the experience of being here, and it gradually forgets that it is only a small part of a greater whole. It begins to believe that it is a separate and unique individual. We generally refer to this delusion of the soul as "ego."

Somewhere along the way, our human community lost touch with the sense of the greater soul and where we came from began acknowledging only the part of the self that was lodged in the physical vehicle. This began to break down the structure of communities that were based on a recognition of the deeper connections residing in the greater part of the self – what we are calling the soul. As we drifted further away from our roots beyond this limited existence, we forgot that the ego is only a delusion of the soul, and that its "death" is nothing more than the soul emerging from a deeply engrossing exploration of this world, through the physical body and its senses. This delusion had developed its own beliefs and valued its existence above all else. It saw that death was a great Mystery and insisted that it not be forced to look into it until there was no other choice.

Since it no longer felt the connection with its own greater self, the ego began to feel a great and insatiable hunger. This was/is of course the hunger to remember the connection with soul, but since to do so would break the illusion of sovereignty, the ego instead finds other ways to feed this hunger. Among other ways, it seeks to "belong." It creates further depth of illusion by assuming that this great hunger arises from an unmet need to feel that it has a place of its own. Difficult, considering its very ground of being is that which it rejects in order to be. (Sartré would love that one.)

From the view of the shaman, there is no NOT-belonging. The essence of existence is being. The rest is all commentary. To heal the wound that hungers to belong, our egos need to be able to recognize that they are part of something much larger, which extends beyond the world of physical senses. There are many paths to do this, and none are easy. Because we have been so long away from the realization of the soul, it takes a lot of personal work and usually some intense crisis to break through the delusion. And even then the ego continues to struggle. Such is life in this world. A great joy and/or great suffering.

Teetering into Balance

2009-08-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

Even when we strive toward the horizon, our goal is to be present right where we are standing now.

In some ways, it might be easier to retreat to a monastery or ashram and have less in the way of our search for the infinite now. But that is not really balance. Or it is achieving balance in a very limited spectrum of human experience. It seems to me that the path of the shaman is one of reaching for balance within an ever growing portion of the human spectrum – and then stretching the limits of that as well. Rather than a retreat from the everyday world, it is an engagement and celebration of the whole. It includes everything from changing diapers and washing dishes to regular exercise and sitting meditation. It challenges the mind to open to the soul and stirs the soul to awaken within the mind.

With no goal in sight, beyond the journey itself, the challenge is to remain in the moment – to feel what draws you/me away from this sacred/mundane point in time and space – to turn and face the hunger and the fear – to own it and embrace it, while holding to the balance of the whole. Like juggling on a tightrope, its not so much the one thing or the other, but how they react to one another within and around you that make it so . . . interesting.

This is the challenge I find in pretty much every day now. When I am about to go into Temple for my 30 minutes of sitting meditation and I hear my daughter in the monitor start to wake up from her nap, and I know that she will be heart-meltingly adorable . . . for about ten minutes. Do I postpone my sitting, and possibly miss sitting at all that day, or do I pass up a chance to spend some quality time watching my daughter – time that can never be recaptured? Talk about shenpa! And so I recognize that this is another moment in which I am torn into balance. It seems I can release the thing that is important to my self in this lifetime or I can postpone the thing that is important to my infinite Self – and then I realize: There is no difference. It is not the release of one or the other, but the embrace of BOTH that stirs and awakens the deeper Self. This is the practice. Unhidden. Unveiled. Constantly revealing itself in plain sight. Mindful choice. Stepping outside of karma. Entering heaven with a smile.

The Great Flying Ointment PlayShop

2009-08-08T20:31:00.000-07:00

Several months ago, I got the idea (from somewhere) of teaching some of my shamanic students how to make Flying Ointment for use in shamanic journeying. This is an herbal salve that helps in journeying by gently dissociating the awareness with the physical body. It turns out that there were quite a few folks interested in learning how to do this, so I put together a "playshop" on Sunday afternoon.

We began by going over the fundamentals of preparing an ointment: What to use as a base, how to determine the necessary quantity and balance of the active ingredients, how to preserve the mixture, and what dosage to use. Then we went up to our Temple room and journeyed to the Underworld, where we hung out with the plant spirits that we would be working with and I spoke with Grandfather about how much of each plant to use.

Each participant got to choose and pick one leaf from the datura plant. When we went back downstairs to the kitchen, while the lard was softening in the double boiler, we placed our intentions into those leaves and then added them, one at a time, to the liquid mixture on the stove.

The seeds of the plant were crushed in a mortar that I had last used for grinding woad, so we left the residue of the woad in which made a lovely blue color (and led to several smurf jokes).

The damiana was added as well and everyone took turns stirring their intention into the mass as it slowly cooked. When it was done, the whole mass was poured through cheese cloth and the liquid carefully squeezed out. This was then replaced in the double boiler and a small amount of beeswax added to add a bit of stiffness to the texture of the ointment, and a few drops of tincture of benzoin to preserve it.

Finally the preparation was carefully poured into the waiting jars and left to cool. This took significantly longer than expected, which may have had something to do with the weather, so we stuck them in the freezer until they firmed up.

Everyone seemed to have a good time and came away with a little jar of flying ointment, so I may even be talked into doing something like this again sometime.

Press Release and Issues with FaceBook and Balance oh MY. . . .

2009-08-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

Why can't Facebook let me post pdf files on the Wall? I'm sure there's a very good technical explaination. Probably the same reason I can't post pdf's to my blog here. So instead I'm stuck with posting a jpeg of the pdf, which is small and blurry – see below:

After months of having Dance of Stones over-looked by regular book reviews (while receiving excellent reviews from people who have actually read it), because they don't take small press (much less self-published) publications seriously, I've stumbled across the Midwest Book Review. This one is actually focused on small press and self published works. So - in the past few days, I've put together a press release and am working on a cover letter, then I'll send off my two copies to the editor and see what happens.

SO - when I've not been massaging my brain to come up with a clear, concise and effective cover letter, I've been sitting longer to prepare for the Running and Meditation Retreat that my lovely and generous friends are sending me on over labor day. (I've also been working at getting myself ready for the running part of the program, with less success.) Of course, as soon as I sit down and go into Stillness, my brain begins to offer lots of creative notions that I need to let go of in order to remain in Stillness.

A Great Man

2009-08-02T06:33:00.000-07:00

As a new father, it's sometimes difficult to keep up with my daily meditation practice - among other things. I'm sure this is not news to anyone who is a parent. (Which reminds me that I am discovering the greatest appreciation and respect for anyone who has ever had children. It is an amazing and overwhelming experience.) Yesterday I had gone running in the early morning with my friend and running buddy, Jeff, and had come home to a busy house where I was needed by my wife and daughter, so Stillness did not happen as I had planned.

The day was not over though. I had been hired to officiate at a funeral out near Seaman, Ohio. Someone was looking for a shaman and found me through my website. At about ten after four, I found myself sitting in my car at the edge of a gravel road leading into the Tranquility Wildlife Area. It struck me that I was about ten minutes early, so I decided to meditate in the car. I was assuming that I would be pulled out of my Stillness at any time by the arrival of the funeral party. It took me awhile to let go of the expectation that they would be showing up at any moment. Finally I settled in and let go of time and place and expectation.

When they did show up, 20 minutes late, I was in a very good place. I followed them down the deeply potholed gravel access road for almost a mile before we pulled off into a small field and parked. The fellow who had hired me was an Army sergeant in dress blues, with his Korean wife and 4 year old daughter. They were joined by some twenty or so family and friends who were there to say goodbye to his father. He recounted briefly the times that his father had brought him out to this very spot to camp. Here he had come to appreciate the power and serenity of nature and to deepen his relationship with his father. The service was short and uncomplicated. I said a few words about the different parts of the soul, about ancestors and about the unceasing love of parents for their children and children for their parents. I asked the physical soul of the departed to enter into some water and then his son poured this water reverently at the roots of a huge oak. We made offerings to the four directions and asked the ancestors to welcome him home. The son scattered his father's ashes, said a few more words and we were finished.

As I watched the tears of those gathered there I was struck by something my wife said recently: that the mark of a great man is that he is surrounded by though who love him. It was clear to me that this was a great man. It was a good ride home.

Unlocking the Hidden Teachings

2009-07-28T09:47:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking of how I can do more to promote the teachings of Post-Tribal Shamanism to the people who are craving the message that they really can and do connect with the Earth, Spirit, their ancestors and the divine. It's sometimes a little overwhelming, when I look at all the sites on the internet – all the different voices proclaiming a Shamanic Renaissance.

One of the places I've been thinking about presenting is the MidWest Crystal Conference. This presents a bit of a quandary, since I don't use crystals and stones in the same way that "new agers" do. At the same time, I've been thinking about how the Tibetans talk about terma – ancient teachings that have been intentionally hidden, locked away in stones, and space and places of power, to be discovered by realized masters at an appropriate time. It seems to me that a lot of these teachings are being discovered in the current age, and not only in Tibet. There are so many ancient teachings that are re-emerging into active practice in our modern age. I'm confident that it is not only in the mountains of Tibet that such treasures were hidden away for future generations to reveal. I suspect that the teachings of Sheya, that I believed I was "just making up" were actually hidden terma revealed by my explorations.

Apparently, these hidden treasures can be found almost anywhere. Could it be that there is an abundance of realized masters in this age, or is it that the wrathful guardian demons who protect these teachings are feeling the need of our world and allowing the teachings to be set loose for our healing? In this time of both great danger and great wealth – huge awakening and great ignorance - what better time is there than now?

Cross Pollination

2009-07-23T21:34:00.000-07:00

As I watch my daughter (8 weeks old and counting) growing larger, smarter and more engaged with her surroundings, I have been reflecting on the amazing world we live in today. I often liken it to "life in a science fiction novel," because there are technological wonders and social meanderings that would have been considered too strange to be believed even 50 years ago. The upside of this is that we have a tremendous wealth of resources, not only material but intellectual, spiritual and aesthetic, with which to play. Because of the way we can overlap the maps from one system to another, we also have a wonderful opportunity for cross-pollination – applying the wisdom of one discipline to the problems of another. One good example of this is a bit that I encountered in my Tai Chi/QiGong practice that I applied to my sitting meditation practice.

In Tai Chi there are a series of fundamental teachings that apply to all movements and postures. Among these are a few gems that work equally well for sitting postures. The corollary to "stand as if sitting" is "sit as if standing." When sitting on your cushion, extend your legs (in your mind) down into the earth so that it feels like you are standing. The admonition to have your head "rise toward heaven" and your feet "sink below the earth" applies as well. As does the instruction to "expand your body to fill the space around you effortlessly." This is not alway an easy direction to follow. It actually helps to have practiced Tai Chi or QiGong first and have a good foundation, and then apply it to sitting. However, this can still work.

When you take your seat, be sure that your knees are even or lower than the crest of your hip. Now imagine your body like a tree; roots plated deep into the soil, limbs reaching for the sky. Trees have no tension and yet they are very strong. They are "relaxed like a tree." This is how to sit as well. Next, imagine that your whole body is gently expanding from within, like a balloon. Feel the internal force of the expansion holding your body effortlessly erect. Now your energy will flow more easily through your limbs, allowing you to sit for much longer without your legs falling asleep. Try it!

Working with plant spirits

2009-07-23T10:24:00.000-07:00

I'm currently putting together a short "playshop" for some of my students to learn how to make a flying ointment – a salve that assists in leaving the physical body to journey otherworld. As much as I'm looking forward to working with the plant spirits, I'm really going to enjoy puttering around in the kitchen with my friends for the afternoon. That said, it occurs to me that I need to start reacquainting myself with the necessary spirits so that I am ready to do the work. In the past, I've found to my chagrin that spirits are much like people in that they don't appreciate it if you only come calling when you want something.

Once I get back in touch with the spirits of the plants, I will need to begin exploring the specifics of the recipe, which tend to vary from one batch to the next. The quantity of each herb in the mix depends on the strength of that plant when it is harvested, relative to the other ingredients. This is further complicated by the fact that the main active ingredient is being cultivated by one of my apprentices rather than in my own garden. So I think she will have an opportunity to get to know that one a bit better before our kitchen encounter.

I have a somewhat strange sense of anticipation about this – possibly because I've never mixed up an ointment with a group. This has always been a very internal and solitary part of my practice, and in a very real way, the person I was when I last did this no longer exists. So this will be new in more ways than one.

A Word on Shamanic Training

2009-07-20T11:02:00.000-07:00

As many of you already know, one of the things I do as a part of my livelihood is teach weekend workshops on shamanic practices. There is a series of workshops that forms the foundation, and then there are other intermediate, advanced and master tracks for those that want to take it that far. In addition, I do take a very few people on as apprentices. This could easily give the impression that I believe that an individual can be trained to be a shaman. So – let me be clear: No workshop - or series of workshops - can make you a shaman. What it can do is train you in essential skills that you can apply either in your own growth and healing or in service to others.

The work of a shaman is to serve community, and individuals within that community, at a soul level. We no longer live in traditional community, and so this can become problematic. What is the community the shaman serves? This question has many answers. Sometimes the shaman's community consists of his or her extended family and close friends. In other cases, the shaman's clients and students create a community through the work they do together.

If the circumstances of your life and the substance of your spirit are such that they provide you with the foundation and the desire to become a shaman, than this might be a good way to begin or continue that journey. I have a few students who have gone on to become apprentices and are working toward practicing shamanism in their own right - in their own way. But this is the exception to the rule. Most who participate in these trainings simply find that the experience benefits their own life and the lives of those around them.

More from Sirius Rising

2009-07-19T15:00:00.000-07:00

I just returned from Sirius Rising and it is clear to me that it was a good thing that I went – in spite of my resistance and missing my family. As with most years, the experience brought greater awareness of the personal growth I've achieved over the past 12 months and opened me up to further growth as well. While the workshops I taught were rather short (I got 1 hour slots for both) I made some excellent new connections and also deepened some existing ones.

When I am at Sirius, I camp with Elisheva and Karen, together with Jan & Tom, Wolfy & Harold, and – usually – Hacksaw, we make up Camp Sashu. A federation of many different traditions, we borrow our name from an ancient Egyptian record of cattle-stealing barbarians that plagued their borders and may have been an early manifestation of the Hebrew tribes. This fits well with us, since Elisheva is shofet of the Amha, a reconstruction of pre-rabbinical Hebrew Earth spirituality, which I am also aligned with. This year we got dinner invitations from both an Asatru group called Manaheim, and the Druids (ADF) Camp Sashu has been hosting potlucks for Manaheim for the past few years and it was a pleasure to have our hospitality graciously reciprocated. The ADF feast the next evening was kind of a surprise. It began raining about the time we started preparing to head up to their camp, so I ran ahead to make sure it was still going to happen. I found a very well organized camp with lots of dry space and chairs and a warm welcome. We mixed in with folks from the other tribes and I got to chat with Nora, who has invited me to present some workshops out at Desert Magic, in Tucson, AZ next May. That led to her asking Elisheva to come as well. We both agreed and I'm looking forward to that trip already. I hope to be able to set up a Family Constellation workshop the weekend before or after in Tucson.

One thing that became gradually more clear to me over the week is the extent to which Elisheva has been more than just friend, mentor and chosen family, but one of my very few teachers as well. And I don't use that term lightly. There are only three people I would put into that category: Elisheva, Master Ting and Heinz Stark. It feels like it is especially important for me to recognize these people as I begin to develop my own students to advanced levels.

It was good to be able to read aloud from my book during the first of my workshops at Sirius. I wouldn't have thought of it if not for Patricia's suggestion. I think it worked well. And it seems that every copy of the book that I sell adds more momentum to the work I'm doing. It makes my soul smile to feel this happening. Even with the Warrior Shaman workshop, where there was no time to read anything, I felt like the people there were really getting something worthwhile. Always a good feeling!

From Sirius Rising

2009-07-14T15:35:00.000-07:00

This festival has been an annual milestone for me for many years. This year is no exception. With my wife and daughter at home, my usual yearning to be there with them is more intense than ever. Still, I have done some good work here at Sirius over the years, and I suppose I have a somewhat superstitious sense that it would not be a good idea to break this tradition.

I could tell that I was having a lot of resistance because it took me so long just to pack my car and get on the road yesterday. The six hour long drive did it's usual work of gradually shifting me into an altered state that deepened further when I arrived and set up my tent. I had promised my lovely & talented wife, Patricia that I would make good use of the time away from her and Meghan, so I began sorting through my plans for how to make the most of the next few days.

This morning I folded brochures, made notes for my workshop and missed my girls at home. What I had not reckoned on was that persistent state of altered consciousness we sometimes refer to as "festival space." It's a light trance that doesn't really make its self known until you try to function as if you were in ordinary space. Then you run into the trance haze and have to slow down and become very deliberate about each task. As I packed things up for my workshop today, I made sure I had the brochures, the video camera, my marked up copy of Dance of Stones along with a box of 40 copies (unmarked).

Almost as soon as we started the video camera battery died, but otherwise things went well, though I only sold one book after the workshop. Just another opportunity to let go of my lust for results and recognize that I am doing my best – even when it doesn't accomplish as much as I would like.

And I have managed to drive back into town this evening and find a place with free Wi-Fi to make my blog entry, so . . . not bad!

Off on the road again

2009-07-13T07:40:00.000-07:00

Sirius Rising has been a regular annual milestone for me over the past ...many years, and I am usually excited to be headed there. This year I have to contend with the strange magnetic draw I feel – not only to my beloved wife (as usual) – but to my new little daughter as well. This makes it rather difficult to pack and hit the road with my usual speed and coherence.

I do hope to send in some blogs from Sirius. I'll have to see if there is internet access this year.

Moving beyond thought

2009-07-05T17:18:00.000-07:00

In many Eastern philosophies there is the teaching that there are realizations that simply cannot be grasped by thinking. What this means is that, while our physical brains are very effective at operating our bodies and interacting with others in our ordinary consciousness, they balk at realizations of a reality beyond the confines of the physical world. It is only by bringing certain types of energy within the body to critical mass that we are able to make the leaps of awareness into what is often referred to as "enlightenment." This is a type of naturally occurring energy that is capable of sustaining consciousness outside of our physical bodies.

There are many maps for this process. The Chinese map of QiGong is quite an effective one, as is the map of raising kundalini to shakti. This same process shows up in my shamanic map as the Medicine Body. This is simply the human aura brought to a conscious level of awareness. When we build up this conscious energy and begin to think outside the body, a great many things become obvious that would have seemed impossible before.

About Love

2009-06-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

I used to think that love was about the mutual recognition of souls and the awakening of our true selves – that it was something beyond the touch of our everyday lives and a Mystery that transcended our capacity to describe it. Now I see that I was right . . . AND that love is about remembering to change the laundry over, seeing that the table needs to be wiped down, because you know that that will make your beloved a little more comfortable and relaxed when she sits down to breakfast. It's about letting go of stubborn notions of who you are, because someone else really needs you to be a better, more responsible and real person than you would be capable of being without them.

It's not a problem. That's the realization of love. There is no need to hold on to the things that you used to think made you the person you were, because if they did, then that person you were is worth growing out of. That's the amazing thing about this deeper love.

I realized the other day, while listening to my little daughter's angry cry, because her digestion is very apparent to her right now and she hasn't realized that there really isn't much she can do about it. . . . my realization was that "there's no room for me." For a moment, it was a panic thought. "There's no room for me! I'm going to be squeezed out of my own life!" and then it sunk in. . . there's no room for the old me – for the self-centered, self-absorbed child that I've been for the first 50 years of my life. I now have someone who is absolutely dependent on me. I cannot be less than what she needs me to be. There's no room for less.

Re-entry

2009-06-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

Over 2 weeks now, since Meghan was born. I spent those first two weeks in a bubble with her and Patricia. Now I'm back to work with clients, classes and a workshop coming up this weekend. It's good to be "back" and at the same time, I'm not.

Just as Patricia went through a process with labor that was both spiritual and organic, it seems that I've been going through one since delivery that is more spiritual and less organic. I don't have the clear, physical contractions, but instead I find myself reeling from time to time with the emotional, spiritual realization of this transformation.

My brain feels like it has blown a gasket and can't seem to maintain adequate pressure for long. Thus it's quite difficult to do things like catch up on my blog. However, I have gotten email from an old, dear friend indicating that she has been reading these entries and I don't want to leave her without more to read, so. . . this is me trying my best to keep up.

After two weeks of paternity leave, I went back to work, providing shamanic counseling and medical qigong to my clients. I had thought it would not be too bad. After all, I had been working pretty much around the clock for two weeks, so it was almost a break. It was good to be back among other people, but I missed the bubble that we have created at home.

Strangely, I find that my fears are being realized. This morning one of my fears about being a parent surfaced strongly (again). "there will be no room for MEEE!" Suddenly it hit me. That's right. There will be no room for my old narcissistic ego. I will need to let go of that as well. Ah! Parenthood as a spiritual practice?!??

welcoming a new member of the clan

2009-06-06T15:47:00.000-07:00

Okay. I can't seem to remove the blue underline. Perhaps there is some deep and mysterious reason for this. I don't know.

I would like to announce the birth of our daughter, Meghan Quinn at 9:49 AM on May 27, 2009. She was 8 lbs, 1 oz and very alert. We welcome this blessing from the ancestors.

Playing catch-up

2009-05-26T07:10:00.000-07:00

As it occurs to me that it's been a couple MONTHS since my last entry, I thought it might be a good idea to spend a little time getting caught up. There is no way to record all the wonderful things that have happened over the past months, but I can hit some highlights.

First off is the wonderful introduction to another of the great Mysteries of the human experience: My wife and I are pregnant with our first child carried to term. Pre-labor has begun and it is . . . not boring. It's hard to put into words how everything changes. It's not just Patricia who is seeing the world in a different way now. And it's amazing how many newborns you run into when you are expecting your own. It's like we are entering a Mystery cult. You don't know what the initiations are going to be like. People can describe them in great detail, but they remain beyond our understanding. We await the initiation with great anticipation.

the scent of the wierd

2009-03-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

SO – here I am, in a whirlwind of endings and beginnings and I start smelling . . . cotton candy? It's maybe two weeks ago. Things are already on the verge of boiling over. I've had to postpone a workshop, we're juggling four separate baby showers, LumensGate is heading for the showers and the cat insists on pooping on my carpet. I'm getting into my car to head for the office and I smell. . . cotton candy. At least that's the closest I can come to identifying it. I get in to my car and drive to the office, the odor gradually fading. I let it go, thinking I must have picked up a whiff of something in the neighborhood.

This smell comes up again, pretty much every day. Fleeting and elusive, it appears at the edges of my perception and then flits away. I begin to wonder if I have a tumor pressing on a sensitive part of my brain, causing olfactory hallucinations.

Yesterday, I am searching for my good luck coin (a gift from my beloved wife) in my monk's bag. I begin to smell the cotton candy again, more strongly now. I wonder if it is somehow connected to spirits telling me where to look for the coin. I begin to dig things out of the bag, turn it upside-down and shake. A fountain of white powder pours out, followed by a fluttering packet. No – not heroin. It's a package of EmerganC®, and electrolyte mix that has come open in my bag. Is it connected to the coin? Well, yes, in a way. It was given to me by a woman who was at the conference where I last saw the coin. . . .

Ah well!

Catching up

2009-02-24T06:56:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy month, and I've obviously not kept up with my blog. I'm hoping to get caught up a bit over the next few days. It looks like I'll have the weekend off as well, since the workshop I had planned on teaching is being cancelled due to low registration. Not a problem really. This will give at least two more people the chance to join us when we do make it happen.

So – to catch up on a busy month: I'll begin with Pantheacon. Pantheacon is probably the largest Neo-Pagan gathering out on the West coast. It is held at a Hilton and has been going on for quite a few years. I first presented a workshop there a few years back, and had a pretty good experience. However, I decided to wait until I had my book published before I returned, so that I would be able to promote it there.

I left at 7:00 am to drive up to Dayton, where I caught the flight out to San Francisco – via Detroit and Atlanta, I believe. I arrived at 7:30 pm and was met at the airport by my good friend Amy who was kind enough to let me crash at her house before heading down to San Jose the next morning. Even on the flight out I was wondering how I was going to manage to make it back to the airport for my 5:40 am flight on monday, especially after the workshop they had scheduled my to give at 11:00 pm on Sunday night. After a lot of consideration, I decided to take the BART back to the airport from Amy's the next morning, as she hurried off to work. There I picked up the car I had rented the night before via the internet. I got a great deal on it, considering that I wouldn't have really needed a car where it not for the inconvenient timing of workshop and flight.

Let me interject here that I had – very responsibly – mailed a full case of my books out to my friend Keter's address the week before, in plenty of time so that Keter could bring them with her to the conference. I checked with her from the airport and they still had not arrived. So it looked like I was going to be going through all of this and I wouldn't even have any books to sell beyond the two copies I had crammed into my suitcase as an afterthought.

So there I am in the airport, lugging my bags to the rent-a-car and then driving down highway 101 to San Jose. That part went quite smoothly. I had brought my Nuvi (GPS) just in case and it came in handy. But I had forgotten to bring along the car charger, so I had to keep turning it off to save it's batteries. I arrive at the hotel and go to register only to find that they have me in a room in a different hotel a few blocks away. This turned out to be a very nice room, all to myself. But it was cold and rainy the whole weekend, so the five minute walk was a bit uncomfortable at times.

By now you have a feel for how the weekend was going for me. It was friday. I was at the conference, with no books, with no workshops to teach until sunday night. My potential book signing on saturday came and went with no books. I was beginning to wonder if I hadn't inadvertently irritated one of my ancestor spirits who had chosen to return the favor many time over.

Strangely, in spite of all the little mishaps and timing issues, I was having a good time. I was in a light and open mood. I remained engaged and open to the folks I knew there; got a chance to hang out with my best friend and long time mentor, Elisheva and to help out with one of the things she was offering – so I wasn't completely wasting my time. I began to wonder what was going on though. This was feeling kind of . . . spooky.

Sometime saturday afternoon I found out that the books had arrived – in San Francisco – and that the place that was holding them would be closing by 6:00, so Keter and I jumped in my car and drove back to San Francisco, got lost, got found again, and managed to pick up the books minutes before they closed. I got the case into the back seat of the car and thought, "I could have sworn that box was a lot heavier." When we got back to the hotel, I opened the box to find that only half of them were there. Somewhere in transit the box had been opened and 23 books had gone missing. This was getting a bit ridiculous.

That afternoon I was cruising around the hotel looking for a familiar face and came across Don Kraig sitting with a couple of women in the bar. I joined them for awhile, which was a nice break from wondering around on my own. We sat and chatted for awhile. I tried to order a drink but they were out of Jamesons. Finally settled on a G&T, then wandered off without paying my bill. The two women were both very interesting. One was a Gardnerian High Priestess, Lady Raw, who seemed quite down to earth. The other was apparently a coven mate of hers, a very charismatic woman who insisted that people were having a problem with her threatening to take her clothes off.

Sunday was a bit of a blur. I managed to do a short book signing at noon, while most everyone was off eating lunch. I think I sold 2 or 3 books, but had a few nice chats. Then I started thinking about what I would do for my workshop. There had been other things on my mind up to then. Somewhere in there, the two ladies from the night before invited me to dinner and as I was heading out to join them I noticed my car was missing. I went to the desk and asked if a car had been towed away recently. Then I called the police, but refused to file a report right then, because I had to meet my new friends for dinner. I rushed back to the other hotel and up to Lady Rae and Paula's room. They suggested I go back and check in the lot again. Now, mind you, it was raining and dark. When they drove me into the lot, I saw my car right were I left it, sitting beneath the harsh yellow light that magically turns red cars into brown cars. One mystery solved to my ecstatic relief.

The night rolled on – culminating in the workshop entitled "the Shaman's Dance with the Divine." I had planned on using some of the techniques from my workshops to offer an experiential introduction to animism. Now I wasn't sure that there was going to be anyone showing up for it, but there were. Ten people showed up and it was a good group. Rather intimate for such a large room, but great people. We did some shamanic trance work, evocation of spirits and such. A good time was had by all.

Then it was back to the (other) hotel. Mad packing; a short nap; a 3:00 am alarm; quick shower and another drive back up the 101 to the San Francisco airport for my morning flight. I made that with no problem.

With all that, you would think I had already had enough – and you would be right. But, after flying from San Francisco to Cincinnati (where I couldn't get off because they had my luggage and my car was parked in Dayton) to Detroit and then taking off for Dayton, we turned back after we were over halfway there, because of a "maintenance issue." We were on the ground for another three hours in Detroit before flying out again at 8:40 pm, arriving in Dayton around 9:45 where I finally picked up my car from the economy parking lot and wearily drove home.

More catching up to come.

The Invisibles – Things we Take For Granted

2009-01-26T17:32:00.000-08:00

A few years ago I was visiting some friends in Germany and we were going for a walk along a nearby nature trail after lunch. There were five of us trooping along; my wife, our host, his two adult daughters and myself. On the whole, I don't think we looked too disreputable. You need to understand that walking after lunch – or dinner – is a very common activity in Germany, and there were various other people on the trail as well. I noticed a middle-aged couple walking towards us on the trail, with their pet Dachel (Dachshund) tagging along at their heels. I was looking forward to meeting the dog and getting a quick pet fix. I've been partial to these sleek little dogs since owning one as a youngster. However, as we came closer I realized that this was not going to happen. The couple kept their gaze stolidly a head and completely ignored us as we passed each other. To be fair, the members of our party kept up their own conversation with no indication that they noticed the other people on the path. Only the Dog seemed to give us a quick sideways glance before hurrying after his humans.

Glancing at my wife, I wondered if she had found anything curious about the lack of polite exchange, and she returned my look with a shrug. As I waited for a break in the conversation to ask why no-one had responded to the other people, a younger couple came towards us on the path. They were in an animated conversation of their own, but they also offered no acknowledgement as we passed one another. Curiouser and curiouser. Just as I was going to break in on the discussion of what was and was not appropriate to decorate a Christmas tree with, yet another person came walking towards us. This was a middle-aged man, who immediately hailed Detlev – our host – and proceeded to introduce himself to us and exchange pleasantries with Suzanna and Lisa. "Ah!" I thought. "I see! It is only people they already know that they greet."

Finally, when we arrived back at the house, and Detlev had told his wife about them running into Herr what-ever-his-name-was, I asked them why they didn't greet the other people we passed. Detlev's only response was an almost offended "But that would have been rude!" I didn't pursue it, but it did teach me a valuable lesson. It really hadn't occurred to me that something as simple and seemingly obvious as nodding "hello" to a stranger could be perceived in such different ways by different cultures – especially ones that seem, at least superficially – to have so much in common.

This of course can be taken much further. There are so many things that are embedded deeply in our minds, so that we don't question them. For instance, we take for granted that "grass is green" and "sky is blue". It doesn't occur to us to questions something that is so "obvious"; something we learned so long ago that we no longer remember learning it, and yet there is grass that is not green and there are skies that are not blue.

We humans have a great capacity to screen out what would otherwise overwhelm us. Our limbic system takes in the huge amount of data from our senses and then passes onto our conscious awareness a small part of that data which we experience as information about our surroundings. If we had to deal consciously with the fullness of all our sensory input, we would probably not be able to function very well. It seems that we have a means of doing something similar with other data as well.

I think that's about far enough on this train of thought for now. There's a big snow storm blowing in tonight, and I may have lots of time for deep thoughts tomorrow.

Intoxicated by Life

2009-01-11T20:34:00.001-08:00

Driving my beloved wife to the airport last week, to fly down to Florida for a silent retreat, we were talking about her expectations for the retreat when she said something like "I don't like poetry because poets are just drunks expressing their intoxication." To which I replied, "well, at least some of us hold our liquor better than others."

Apparently I've been keeping my intoxication to myself too well over the past few weeks. I will try to remedy that and provide more for the blog readers to scan.

A very Happy New Year to you all!

namaste,

Kenn

Post Holiday Catch-up

2009-01-02T16:08:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened over the past few days (weeks?), some of which has excellent entertainment value. It was great having Lisa visit from Germany. It had been six years or so since we had last seen her, and eight since she had last visited here. So she got to meet our new house and many new friends. We had some of those friends over for dinner and I overheard one of them saying to Lisa, "Oh! You're Soli!" to which she replied, "no - I'm not. I'm Lisa." Her tone was quite deadpan, but I wasn't too surprised when I later heard her threatening to write her own version of our trip through Europe and come up with her own version of me as a character in her book. Now THAT could be entertaining! (See if you can pick out Lisa in the photo above.)

As I said though, it was great to have Lisa here and we were sorry to see her go. It's hard to really keep in touch over such distances, but you can tell the real friends by the way you can pick back up even after so many years and have such comfort with each other. I hope it won't be nearly as long before we have the opportunity to spend some more quality time together.

It is clear that I've had a bit of writer's block - again. This time

it took out the whole of the holidays - from solstice all the way through New Year's - pretty impressive. So now I will do my best to make up for lost time -and maybe even make it worth you're while to keep checking back in for updates.

We really enjoyed Lisa's visit, but we are far from her only friends here in the states, so we had to share her with her good friend Marcie down in Tennessee, and then with Tyler and Gary in New York. She took a bus down to Tennessee about a week after getting here, so the jet lag had worn off by then. On the way back she was serenaded by a group of girls singing Christmas carols. Unfortunately they didn't know all the words and so the woman sitting next to her would chime in over her knitting with the final verses.

I will throw in a quick announcement here too that Patricia and I are officially expecting a girl to join the family in late May. So far, her name is "Peanut" but that will probably change at some point . . . then again.

Honoring the Ones Who Come Before Us - As We Go Our Own Way

2008-12-13T12:32:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been thinking about Systemic Constellation Work. My good friend Lisa, who introduced us to the work in Cornwall back in 2001, is visiting from Germany. This has brought to mind all the things I owe to this work. Perhaps most obviously, Patricia and I would not be expecting a child in late May, if not for the years of good healing work done with Heinz Stark during the two year training program and beyond. I have been able to see and accept my mother - certainly for the first time as an adult. This seems to have changed . . . everything!

However, while I have found the work to be of immense help in my own growth and healing, it is difficult to express this in a way that most people find meaningful, and so we find ourselves unable to fill even a single day workshop this last year. We have theories as to why this is: Poor economy; not so much appreciation of family in the USA; or, simply the fact that no one knows what we are talking about.

In the process of re-evaluating how to go forward with our Soul Solutions practice, in the face of low turn-out, I find myself coming to some other belated realizations. This has been coming for awhile now. The keynote speaker at the last North American Systemic Constellation conference over a year ago was a very nice man whose son had been killed as part of a gang initiation. His response was to forgive the boy who killed his son. Ultimately the boy wound up coming around and helping build a foundation to support non-violence. This was all well and good, but it felt "wrong" for a constellation conference. For one thing, constellations show us that offering forgiveness attempts to place us in a higher moral ground - to make us bigger than those we forgive. We observe that it is not up to us to forgive those who harm our families. And so I was confused by how avidly people responded to the speaker and his perspective. Other than Patricia and Heinz, everyone seemed to be okay with that. Then there was the movement to use constellation work in order to decide where to hold the next conference. This felt "wrong" as well. It seemed inappropriate and disrespectful to use such a powerful and connected tool to avoid responsibility for making a choice.

On top of these experiences of the last conference I have the attempt to bring Heinz Stark back to Ohio to offer his comprehensive professional training in Systemic Constellation Work. First I ran into a wall trying to get CEUs for the program, in spite of the fact that the very same training had been accredited by this same board only a few years before. Perhaps partially because of that, we were not able to find enough people to fill the training and had to cancel it. So not only did we miss out on having more of this quality of training offered here in the states, but on having more well trained facilitators of the work available to this marketplace.

So - I'm not sure how to proceed. I know that this country NEEDS what Constellation Work has to offer. I know that there are few people who are well trained in the work and can offer it in an effective and meaningful way to meet these needs. But I don't feel that I am a part of the "community" of constellators in the USA. Perhaps I exclude myself, but I feel that the work is too important and too powerful to approach with less training than most people get before receiving their first driving license. On the other hand, I too rebel against the idea of putting Constellation Work under the oversight of yet another professional bureaucracy. As far as I can see, there IS no clear answer - and we will need to come up with a new approach if it is to be both effective and fair to all involved.

All I have to offer at this point are these thoughts.

Writing the flow. . .

2008-12-07T09:51:00.000-08:00

Often, when I come out of Stillness from my morning sitting, I am left with a flow of creative energy and think "what a great time to go update my blog!" However, as soon as I sit down in front of the computer, I find that the creative flow has not yet resolved into a word-like substance. And so the updates keep getting put off until I actually drag myself into putting something onto the page. I use this self reflection to preface this entry, because I am still in that flow of creativity - and this is what is emerging. I am going to trust that it will take us all somewhere before I'm done.

There are many ideas that occur to me during the day - and just as quickly disappear. I'm quite sure that at least some of them are brilliant - and just as sure that most are not. But whatever I may come up with while I'm NOT at liberty to write doesn't matter so much as what comes to me as I sit here now - or anytime I take keyboard in hand and grind something out. Now - just to be clear - I am not complaining. I actually rather enjoy the whole process. . . which leads me to this: While driving across town the other day, I watched a cloud of birds wheeling in the sky and felt a rush of joy rising with them inside me. I thought, "I'm so happy! My life is good. I am blessed with a wonderful partner, right livelihood, a safe and comfortable home. . .." And then I began thinking about how much of my happiness is based outside myself. Some much of it comes from my relationship with my wife, Patricia (aka "the Lovely and Talented") and I started questioning if there was something "wrong" with my happiness because it seems to be so based in externals.

I took this question home and sat with it; put it on the back burner and let it simmer; and what I've come up with is this: Our happiness in the things around us is based on the choices we make, which in turn is based upon our inner dynamic. When my inner dynamic was clouded and wounded by past karma, I could not make the decisions in my life that led to happiness. Instead, I often chose things (relationships, jobs, experiences) that simply continued the state that I was in already. It took many years of concerted effort at self healing to be able to make healthier choices, less burdened by the experiences of my past. As I was able to make these choices from a more conscious place (due to many years of meditation, etc) I found that I was happier. Was that happiness based simply in the rewards of the choices I made? Or was the happiness the inner root of my outer experience? I suspect the later.

When I am enjoying a beautiful vista and I feel my heart swell with appreciation, I realize that it is not just the beauty of the view that is involved, but also my capacity to appreciate it. The same is true with anything or anyone who I respond to with appreciation, love, gratitude or joy. When I make offerings to my ancestors in the morning and notice how much more strongly I feel them, it's not because they are any more present than before, but rather that I am now more open to them.

Has it been mere fortune that allowed Patricia and I to find each other and to be so happy together? I suspect that it is much more than that. It seems to me that, as we grow and develop, we find those things in the world that most clearly reflect our own nature - and in doing so, we reflect the nature of those we find as well.

What I have discovered in this reflection is that the root of our happiness and appreciation of the external is still internal. It is our own inner Self that looks upon the world and sees itself reflected there. As we become more aware of the nature of that reflection, we grow in love and compassion, not only for ourselves, but for all others as well. Truly - to know yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.

The Happiness of Things

2008-12-01T08:04:00.000-08:00

What I had started out to write in my blog entry last time - and never quite got to - was that we were much happier as a people (or so the polls told us) before the advent of the consumer society. Perhaps a movement away from hyper-industrial production, mimicking a war economy, would actually allow us to return to a way of life that was happier and more fulfilling for those of us who are not making the huge profits from this absurd financial experiment gone wrong.

I've noticed that when someone tends to hold onto things rather than throwing them away, people will say it's because they - or their parents - grew up during the depression. For a long time, I simply accepted this bit of common wisdom without question. Now I'm not so sure. From what I understand of the world before the Great Depression, people had the ingrained habit of conserving rather than consuming and discarding their resources. This was not because of any poverty or miserliness, but rather because they had not been introduced to the throw-away culture that we live in today. This was before built in obsolescence, when things were not only made to last a lifetime, but also to reflect the skills and aesthetics of the maker.

We live in an older home, built in 1915, and its construction reflects these values. Even the radiator covers, such humble creations, are works of art - and have lasted for nearly 100 years. What products made today have any such expectation? Even the houses we live in that were built more recently have a shorter life expectancy. And as much as I love my Macintosh computer, I know that it is already on the verge of being obsolete after only a little over two years. If I want to keep up with the rapidly developing internet and software, I will need to "upgrade" within another year or so. But do I need to? Do I really need to?

I remember very little of my childhood, but I do have some surreal mental snapshots of being very small and there being a room in the house with some boxes piled on a couch. I suspect I wasn't allowed in the room, nor in the boxes, and so they took on an aura of mystery and treasure far beyond anything they might actually contain. I have a vague memory of creeping into the room - I must have been five or six years old - and opening the box to find a curved bronze dagger in a bronze sheath, something that my Dad had picked up on his travels. There was a magic to that chunk of metal that I've never felt from any mass-produced object of any kind.

So - what have we lost? And what can we regain? I believe that this most recent economic crisis is nothing less than the long over-due response to an artificial economy, and that it can allow us - at least those who take the opportunity to do so - to return to an economic footing similar to that our parents or grandparents would recognize from their own early years. This would mean making some fundamental changes in how we live our lives. With a basic value on "conserve rather than consume" we could put more of our income into savings. We might take another look at things we spend money on and decide that we really don't need more than one television; a cable service with over 100 channels; a new car every three years; new clothes every season; gadgets that we are going to throw out in less than a year; or anything that we are able to live a happy and fulfilling life without. We might even begin to dismiss the idea that have been drummed into us by advertising over the past several decades: That we must consume in order to be a productive member of society.

This is not to say that I am some sort of enlightened zen master, no longer attached to material things. On the contrary, I rather like my material things. As I was sitting in our Temple room with Patricia this morning, I was noticing how much I enjoy and am comforted by our "things". To some extent, this is because these objects express and reflect our shared aesthetic, and seeing them gives me an illusion of permanence. It is a way in which we extend ourselves into the world around us and claim our territory. With these objects, we say: "I am here! This is my space - my part of the ever-changing world."

It seems to me that all of the pieces fit together. The throw-away aesthetic leads to shoddy workmanship and to a greater sense of impermanence. This also leads to people spending beyond their means, because they are told that happiness is to be found in having the latest widget, in the most popular color. And of course, it isn't. If the polls are any indication, happiness was something we found in much greater measure back in the days when we put our money into savings and purchased things that would last as long as we did; when our happiness was based on the health and well being of our loved ones; the closeness and companionship of friends; and, on our own spiritual connection with the wholeness of the world.

Perhaps this crisis is a blessing in a this disguise. If we have to pare back our spending this year and focus on those things that are both free and priceless, it's not such a bad thing.

namaste,

Kenn

Post Thanksgiving Ramblings

2008-11-29T08:46:00.000-08:00

This is one of those rare days when I have lots of small things on my list to do, but it doesn't feel like the world will end if I don't get to all of them. It's days like this when I realize just how stressed I am a lot of the time - without realizing it. It's on days like this that I promise myself that I will "do" less and "be" more - and I try to keep that promise. But "being" me leads inevitably to "doing" more. Or so it seems. The tendency is for me to go into our temple room and sit, gradually settling into Stillness - and as soon as I've let go of the rush of everyday mind jabber - in that moment where the cosmic inner smile begins to peek through - another part of me begins to suggest how I can do this - or that - usually deeply spiritual things - anything to keep from falling into Stillness again. I have to smile. It's rather like a child who doesn't want to go to sleep and keeps coming up with excellent reasons why they should stay up. So I guess this analogy applies to when the kid has stayed up for a few days in a row - or when I've managed to skip my meditation for a few days - and then I fall into it like a rock into deep water.

This morning I sat - chanting mantras and letting go of thoughts - staring at the Enso calligraphy on the Enochi altar across the room from me. When Patricia is sitting with me, she blocks my view of this card - perhaps even takes the place of it. But its image reminds me - as does her presence - of what is truly important in this moment. And I let go and sink more deeply into that.

It's a good feeling - the letting go of "me" of everyday nonsense that seems to terribly important - until I let it go and it's not anymore. I breathe more deeply and smile from the inside out. The wave surrounds me and I float.

There are no words for the place with no words. But coming out of it, I feel - as usual - renewed, calm, and something like happy but without any subject. Just happy to be . . . here.

I find the words of the One Center chant rising through me, so I spill them out, letting them take me out of the timeless place of Stillness. They bring thoughts with them - images and movements within me. I find myself returning to the dharma hall at the zendo where the chant was inspired. And other moments when the clarity - what I used to call the "inevitability of life" - has come to me with an assurance that there is some greater "something" to which I belong and that, when I relax into the flow and direction of that greater Self, my movement carries me toward greater awakening and other Mysteries which I do not yet begin to understand. This state of gnosis is a comfort to those parts of me that are committed to this adventure and I find myself thanking my ancestors and all other benevolent beings for this opportunity to Be Here Now. To be here with a partner who shares my thirst for this path, and who challenges me and supports me in ways that I did not know possibly until now. I thank them for the opportunity to become a parent - to take part ever more fully in the Human Experience. And I begin to think of our child, growing for more than three months now inside Patricia, who will be emerging into a world so very different from the one either of us were born into. I consider how many people believe that this is an ugly and dangerous world to bring a new child into - but we don't see it like that. Not that we don't recognize the challenges and take them into consideration, but we also see what a treasure this life is and what a joy it is to pass on this blessing to another.

Thinking about the world in all it's complexity, I am reminded of a link that Patricia sent me a few weeks ago (www.storyofstuff.com) with an animated explanation of how things get made and the impact it has on our lives and environment. One thing that really stood out to me in that video was that people described themselves as much happier before we created the consumer society we live in today. It's as if the industrialists decided to make our happiness a part of their own equation of prosperity, and we are the ones who loose. They have created a perception that in order to be happy, we need the latest, sexiest, most expensive gadget, car or pair of shoes that we can afford. I realize that this is nothing new. Intelligent people have recognized this for decades. I was fortunate to have one of these intelligent people as my father. (Thanks, Dad!) He taught me that it was better to buy one really good pair of shoes that cost twice as much as the ones that were in style but that would last ten times as long and could be repaired rather than being thrown away after a couple years. (I still have a pair of wingtips I bought 20 years ago. They still fit and I still wear them.)

What's different for me right now is that, since we're expecting a child, I am thinking about how I can pass these values onto HIr. In other words, I'm in the same quandary that every new parent experiences: How can I pass along my values and ethics to my child in a world that seems to contradict them at every turn?

I don't expect to find one answer to this very large question. And I'm not interested in home schooling. What I do expect is that it will be a continued opportunity for our whole family to learn and grow together. And I'm looking forward to it!

namaste,

Kenn

Catching up

2008-11-25T17:03:00.000-08:00

I seem to be having difficulties coming up with something to add to this blog. It's not that there are not interesting and meaningful things happening in my life. On the contrary, I've not been bored in many years. The problem is that so much of what is important right now is not something I want to share in such a public forum.

However, I can say that I am very happy and excited that Patricia and are expecting a child to join our family towards the end of next May. If someone had told me even ten years ago that I would be happily becoming a father, I would have laughed it off. But a lot has changed in those ten years and I am now looking forward to the adventure of parenting.

As I mentioned, I've been trying to write something for this blog for a couple of weeks now, but I don't get very far before I run into a wall. This time I've decided to stubbornly hack my way through the wall and get SOMETHING published - no matter what the quality of it.

One of the interesting bits that's come up of late is having my book out there on amazon.com. I see that it's being read by more and more people who I don't know and who have purchased and read the book without ever laying eyes on me. There's something that is happening there that goes beyond my understanding. I don't know if it's as simple as knowing that my words are touching people I've never spoken to - or what, but there is a definite sense of accomplishment to it. Also a sense of satisfaction, as if I am responding to some old and deeply buried geas. There is also the sense of spirit reaching through me to connect with those who read the book and are touched by it, perhaps awakening to their own journey more fully. That certainly makes all the work that went into it worthwhile. And the public library even ordered 8 copies!

Then there is the whole economic hulabaloo. I will just say that I feel for those who are loosing their retirement income, but I am not convinced that this is not a good thing for us in the long run. The US has been on an artificial economic footing since the end of WW II, and it needs to rebalance. It would do the whole world some good if we moved away from our fascination with consumerism and returned to a more conservative economy - buying only what we needed instead of constantly purchasing the latest, newest and most quickly obsolete merchandise to feed a hunger created by the non-stop commercial programming we are subjected to from every direction.

Okay - what else? I've been working on a training program for Sheya mentors. The first module has been put together and it looks like it will happen in late January. It feels like this will be a very important element in what Sheya is to become, laying strong groundwork for those who come after us. It's almost like building the infrastructure for our descendants to use. I'm looking forward to see how it works - exploring the process of teaching the mentors how to teach others.

Blogs are a strange way to publish. They seems to take the form of serious essays or - more frequently - rambling conversations. I think I've tried a little of both so far. No photos for this entry though. Nothing that seems to fit. Perhaps the next time, I will find the image first and then build the words around it.

Post Election Reflections

2008-11-08T13:14:00.000-08:00

Okay - a bit of an interruption for the elections there. Very exciting to see Hamilton county go blue! The election of Barak Obama certainly appeals to the optimist in me. All the economic gloom may take us awhile to work our way out of, but it may also have been the only thing that allowed Obama to be elected by such a strong majority - or perhaps at all. And it is clear to me that we need this person at this time to help begin the changes that need to happen if we are to survive - not just as a nation but as a planet.

Change continues in every moment, with every breath. It is not just something that comes to us in tsunami-like waves, as it did with this election, but with every choice we make. To paraphrase a billboard about seat belts, "it's not just a good idea - it's how things work."

Life has a way of teaching us the lessons we need - long before we have any idea we need them. I suppose that's why mindfulness shows up in so many practices. If we aren't paying attention - we miss the lesson. I think that one of the lessons I've learned over the course of the past few elections is that our choices do not operate in a vacuum. Other people have a choice too. And when there are more of them - or if their choice is more powerfully manifested - the change will be the one they choose.

I know it felt really good to be an active part of the campaign to elect Obama (thank you, Patricia) and that for the first time in 8 years I feel comfortable and proud to be a citizen of the U.S.A. However, I also think back to how I felt after those last two elections - the sense of profound exclusion; of being disenfranchised from the American identity. I remember talking with others about the possibility of moving to Canada, because we no longer felt like we belonged here. Now it is those who voted for the other candidate who feel that way, and this is an opportunity to practice compassion for those who made the less powerful choice. Even if that compassion is not received, it is still good for us to feel it - to choose it - at this time and place in our personal and communal history.

namaste

Vision Quest Aftermath

2008-10-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

I just got back early this week from a vision quest that lasted from Friday afternoon to Monday morning and I've been trying to write about it with no success. At first it was the lack of verbal thoughts, which persisted all of Monday and a bit into Tuesday morning. Having spent some time out on the front porch with my pipe and a wee dram, things are a bit more clear now.

Perhaps the first reason that it is difficult to put down in words is due simply to the state of consciousness that comes on after a day or so of sitting in the woods with no company, no food and little water or sleep. We went out on Friday afternoon and prepared our secluded positions, taking them up that evening in the continuing rain. After the first night, I was probably already more altered than I realized at the time. That's often the way of things. I was chanting and meditating a lot, with the intention of altering my consciousness, so it's hardly surprising. But it wasn't until Sunday that I really noticed the extend to which I was no longer in ordinary state. I found that I was actually staggering a bit when I did my morning QiGong.

The second reason it's difficult to put into words is that much of what happened seemed to be happening to a part of me that was not directly experiencing it. There was at least one point at which I had the distinct impression that my soul had gone on a journey without "me" and that I would only find out about it later. (I'm still waiting.)

Then there's the fact that what realizations I had were fairly . . . compact. For instance, a glimpse of myself in slow motion explosion from my center/the one center which is everywhere/everything constantly emerging from that one center which is everywhere. . . that sort of thing. And GrandFather mentioning that I should really consult him more before doing something like a vision quest (oops!).

But this quality of vagary predated the vision quest as well. Going into it, I realized that I have never led anyone else into this particular process before. I've been teaching shamanic practices since the early 90's, but none of my apprentices have gotten to this point before. (And I'm quite impressed with these two for having made it!) So there was a lot of consideration that went into just how this was going to work. On the one hand, there are no clear parameters for what constitutes a "vision quest" outside of particular medicine societies. So I had to look at my own experiences (should have asked GrandFather) and come up with something that was workable. Then I began thinking, "this is not a coming of age ritual. These are sovereign adults. They should make their own choices about what elements they will include." And so I began drawing back from the role of "teacher" into more of a facilitator position for their process.

Okay - that's all I'm up for tonight. More on this tomorrow.

Notes From the Road. . . New Jersey Edition

2008-10-14T11:15:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in a room at the Mt Laurel Extendedstay, enjoying the in room WiFi that I'm hoping will allow me to catch up on blog entries and other writing projects that have been getting put off in favor of more immediate (read urgent rather than important) and more enjoyable (Couch of happiness with Patricia.) pursuits.

So - what's been keeping me so busy?

The weekend before last I had promised Patricia - my Lovely & Talented wife - that I would pull out the honeysuckle shrubs beside the garage and replace them with a terraced rock wall. It all sounded relatively simple until I actually started getting my hands dirty. It wound up taking pretty much the whole weekend and allowed me a preview of heavy lifting that will no doubt be coming when we get further along with the Stone Circle at hope Springs. (More of that later) I did manage to get it done and even had the leisure of contemplating the ironic act of removing one set of "decorative" plants to make way for another. This led to the following poem.

Gardening

Gloves keep

skin on my hands

as I wrangle rough stones

into place

stacking a wall

between dirt and more dirt

building good boundaries

for new plants

to reach beyond

I carry the old ones away

they have overgrown their welcome

and now I must pry

their adventurous roots

from between buried rocks and

send them on their way

The rest of the week was filled with clients, preparation for the annual Sheya Retreat and other projects - and almost at the last minute, creating the promotional post card for the 2009 LumensGate.

This is a labour of love - and one of those times that I actually get to make some use of my years of art training. I like the outcome, though I might still tweak it a bit before printing up more of them. But the important things was to get them done in time for the Sheya Retreat this past weekend, so that the Sheya from other regions could take some back with them.

For those of you who don't already know - LumensGate is one of the best-kept secrets of the spiritual community. Mind you, we aren't TRYING to keep the secret. It's just that we have a hard to getting it out - so feel free to spread the word. LumensGate is definitely ready for prime time. After 18 years of experience, this is the premier ritual event in the United States. (and possibly the rest of the world, but I haven't checked, so I'll hold off on that claim.) The problem is - there are not a lot of others competing for the accolade, so it often falls on deaf ears.

So let me tell you a little about what LumensGate is. From the time people begin arriving on the land, the sense of shared consciousness begins to grow and deepen. With the opening ritual - the lighting of the sacred fire and the formal connection of all our hearts and souls to the One Center - we enter into a shared experience of spiritual awakening and transformation. The personal interactions with others of like-mind and similar spirit add spice to the work of preparing the participants for the impact of the ritual cycle. Evenings at the hot tub or around the heart fire deepen the sense of shared joy and openness. Daily meditation and yoga help to bring bodies, minds and spirits into union, and the food at Hope Springs nourishes the palate as well as the body. Essentially everything that happens - both planned and not planned - contributes to the gentle movement toward the ritual climax - usually on Friday evening.

After the main ritual, we begin the process of integration - gently welcoming the changes into our lives; acknowledging what has been released and making room for the new energies and awareness. This continues through Saturday evening, when the feast and bardic circle provide opportunities for all those gathered to share their own creative expressions in the loving and warm embrace of this community that has become "home" in such a short time. The closing ritual is followed by tearful farewells and many long hugs. And the community continues throughout the year, as we look forward to the next opportunity to meet in person; welcome new faces; and join hands and hearts around the fire once again.

For anyone interested, we do have a LumensGate FaceBook group - as well as our own website: lumensgate.org.

The Sheya retreat - taking place at Hope Springs as well - is a smaller gathering of folks, sharing the transformative path of soul awakening and growth. The retreat went very well this year . It was great to have both longtime Sheya and newly "hatched" ones, with many in between.

It was especially sweet to gather around the table at meals and share the wonderful food and company, swapping stories, telling jokes and remembering those who not able to join us this year.

So - here I am in New Jersey - catching up with my writing and deepening my Tai Chi practice with the amazing Master Ting.

I drove directly from the airport to the Tai Chi class last night, arriving just a little late, but very happy to be able to finish an otherwise exhausting day with some movement of my body and chi.

Shamanic States of Consciousness

2008-10-06T07:25:00.000-07:00

There is a lot written about the experience of trance - some of it quite excellent. However, I thought I would take a shot at it this morning.

First off - the idea of "altered state" is difficult to clearly delineate, since the boundaries of our "ordinary" state of consciousness are so unclear as it is. That said, most of us car recognize an altered state once we are in it. In, my own experience, there is often a dream like quality, and my body seems to move more fluidly and feel heavier. However, some of the most effective states can feel very similar to the ordinary state.

When I talk about shamanic states of consciousness (hereafter SSC), I am focusing on those states which allow me to function as a shaman. This includes the ability to simply perceive and express from a soul level of awareness. This is the base level of SSC for me. It allows me to sense what is going on with myself and a client in a non-rational, non-intellectual manner that cuts through the thinking mind and directly addresses the deeper parts, which is where my work is. This state is a very present, focussed awareness, which doesn't feel too different from ordinary consciousness. And yet it is the one most useful to the work I do, since it allows me to interact clearly with the client at various levels - communicating in a way that they can understand and staying aware of their body language, tone of voice and facial expression as well as any surges of energy or emotion arising from their soul.

I move into this state using something I call Medicine Body. This is a simple and effective technique (described in more depth in my workshops and my book) that extends my conscious awareness into my aura. This allows me a much deeper and holistic perspective of what is going on with the client. It feels as if the client is floating inside me and I can sense the flow of their energies very clearly. This also engages my intuitive sense and I find that I am aware of what lies beneath the words the client may be using to describe their problem. Knowing this, I can speak to that deeper level, engaging it in the healing process more immediately.

There are other SSC that range much more deeply, and which make it more challenging for me to remain connected with, and able to communicate effectively, with the client. It takes more energy to maintain the sense of being in two places at once. This is particularly true when journeying with a client. In shamanic body I may be in a different world all together and communicating there directly to the part of them that is present there as well, but in order to have the client be able to take in the work, I need to also be speaking in my physical body to their physical body.

Moving beyond the work with a client in an office setting, I want to speak briefly of work in other settings. For instance, performing a sweat lodge ceremony entails moving through many layers of consciousness and back again, while creating space that allows for the participants in the sweat to move through these payers with me. It begins around the fire with the opening of the space that is at once emerging from the center of the fire and from the stone pit in the lodge. This is a treatment of space that is essential to much of shamanic practice - the paradoxical sense of One Center. Entering the Lodge brings another deepening and it sometimes takes a teaching story or prayer/chant to ground that before continuing. Each round of stones is a deepening as well, until it becomes clear that it is time to return, and then the journey back needs to be crafted in a gentle way as well, allowing for a safe and comfortable return by all the participants.

Over the years, I have been gifted with many teachings to make the movement into SSC and back again. But I am also always finding places and states that are new to me; providing new lessons and new teachings. Every day I go into my office, knowing that I will learn something new. It may not always be comfortable or easy, but it is this constant growth and learning that keep this work fresh and alive for me and those with whom I work. Many thanks to all of them and to my many teachers - in both human and spirit form.

namaste

Notes From the road. . . part II

2008-09-25T17:31:00.000-07:00

I've been out in Palm Springs with Keter and Patricia for the past week, soaking up warm desert sun rays and thinking progressively slower thoughts - but we leave tomorrow for home and I wanted to blog some highlights before returning. For one thing, as soon as I get back to Cincinnati, I have to drive up to Detroit for a promotional event and then to another one up in Ann Arbor. So I have very little breathing space. Better to blog now and not worry about it for a few more days. That's the plan in any case.

We spent the first day here just winding down and getting used to not being on email or the phone. We had some vague plans of getting massages - which never actually happened - and of taking some hikes - which did happen. The days all run together for me right now, but I know we did get to the Living Desert which is right here in Palm Desert. That is a combination botanical garden and zoo. Much fun! We saw some great hawks; watched a couple bobcats playing with each other; etcetera.

On Sunday, Patricia and I took the car into San Diego to visit my half brother Michael. This was the first time I've seen him since meeting him when he first visited a few years ago. It was good. We met his wife, Cris who seems interesting and intelligent. We enjoyed their house which reminded me of the place we stayed on the slopes above the Loga Magori (?) in Switzerland. It has a great view of the valley and all the way out to the ocean. After lunch with them, we drove on to visit with Patricia's sister Margaret and her family near Mission Viejo. That went well too. It was a good day for making family connections. (I'm not sure if our brief visit to Camp Pendleton had any impact on that.)

Keter talked us into visiting "Shields Date Farm" and trying the date ice cream (thank you, Keter). It was terrific! Not too sweet but very rich and delicious. We have a pint in the freezer at the time share to finish off after dinner tonight.

I think it was Tuesday that we had planned to take the tram up to the San Jacinto State Park and sniff the butterscotch pines. Unfortunately, we discovered that the tram is down for

annual maintenance this week, which is a good thing for all those tourists who will be using it for the next year, but not so great for us. So we figured out where the tram would have deposited us and then drove as close as could to that - a beautiful drive up into the San Bernadino Mountains - and then hiked from there for a couple miles up the mountain. On our way, sniffing the amazing butterscotch pines (you have to smell them to believe it!) we encountered a rattle snake under a rock beside the trail and had to work our way around it. The views were amazing. (I will add some photos as soon as I can get them loaded onto the computer. That cord is not with me.)

Yesterday we took the day off. Read out books and dozed pretty much all day. This morning Keter and I headed out to the Joshua Tree State Forest, while Patty stayed behind to work on a paper for her yoga teacher training. Once again, an amazing drive. We went past the air farms at the head of the valley. Over 4,000 wind turbines are located there. Patricia and I like to think of them a huge dharma wheels sending prayers for peace and compassion out to the world.

Our first hike of the day was the Hidden Valley train. Only a 1 mile loop through great boulders, with several different kinds of lizards, pinion pine, desert oak and - of course - Joshua trees, which feel very good. No particular adventure there. Just a nice walk with great views.

The second hike - considerably more exciting - was up the Ryan Mountain trail which took us past what we later learned was a mature Southwestern Speckled Rattlesnake. I had just passed it when I heard a short rattle and froze. Keter saw it and urged me to hurry and move past it, then we turned around and she showed

me where it was hanging out under a low bush. On the way back we carefully worked our way around it without anyone getting hurt. However, I was beginning to wonder what the deal was with two rattlers showing up on our trails. That is still weighing on my mind a bit.

In all, it's been a great time here - thank you, Keter - and a much needed rest. Even though I'm going back to a very busy weekend, I do so pretty refreshed and ready to dive back into it all. I'm even thinking about getting to work on some of my other writing projects. . . .

namaste from the road.

Adventures Off the Grid

2008-09-16T05:11:00.000-07:00

It turns out that the high winds on Sunday were actually a level one hurricane - without the water. They certainly did a lot of damage to the area. We were very lucky. Several roof tiles went flying and we wound up with a lot of debris in our yard, but the major impact was the loss of electric from about 1:30 on Sunday afternoon until 8:30 this morning (Tuesday). I would like to be able to report that it was no problem for me to be without electric for a couple days - other than the loss of the food that went bad. The truth is though that it was the simple things that I missed. Being able to turn on the lights to read - or to simply find my way around the house - after the sun goes down. That was probably the biggest one.

The first evening we sat at the dining room table, Patricia working on her 108 mala project and me trying to re-string my green adventurine malas. I think she got seven finished in the time it took me to thread my beads, reconnecting all the pieces into a single whole. Then we went to bed and read, Patricia with her little miner's lamp headband lamp and me with my book light, the cats quietly competing for the "best spot" on the bed.

Monday morning, I had to open Patricia's garage door manually, and it wouldn't close after that. I wasn't worried. We had left the garage doors open before with no trouble. We've come to trust and appreciate our neighbors, and it didn't feel like a risk. Tai Chi class was cancelled - no power at the yoga studio where I teach - so I got home early, around 5:30. I thought I would use up what I could of the food in the fridge and make a large dinner with enough to share with Patricia when she got home later. The pasta was just about done when I looked out the window and thought I was someone pushing a shopping cart into our garage. I checked the time - three minutes before I had to pull the macaroni out of the water - and headed out the back door.

Standing in the middle of the garage floor was a Kroger's shopping cart, being loaded up by a fat, middle-aged, white male in shorts and a white t-shirt. I asked him what he thought he was doing in our garage and got no answer. I asked him for his ID and he claimed not to have any. When I asked where he lived, he claimed to live on down the street on Graselli. He said his name was Jim and his breath smelled like cheap alcohol. I asked if he had already made other trips with the cart and he said no. It hit me that I had pasta ready to pull off the stove so I told him to go home and I would be calling the cops. I just wanted him off our property. I headed back to the house, turning to watch him push his, now empty, cart on down the street.

I had just finished putting dinner together when I noticed blue & white flashing lights out back and watched two police cars pull to the curb. I went out to see if I could report the fellow with the cart. When I got to the car, it turned out that they had been called by our neighbors in the apartment house across the street when they saw me confront the fellow in our garage. Then another one of the neighbors said he knew who the guy was and where he lived. He offered to show the officers and they left together.

A little while later, I was sitting on the front porch, eating my half of the dinner I had made directly from the casserole dish while waiting for the cops to return. They came back with the guy in the back seat and asked me to identify him - which I did - and then showed me the weed trimmer and hedge trimmer in the trunk and asked if they were mine. I said they were and they asked if there was anything else missing. I had already told them that Patricia is the detail oriented one, but I went into the garage and looked around with a flashlight, before coming back just in time for Patty to drive up. Together we drove to the guy's apartment and collected a number of other items he had made off with, including an old TV that had been there when we bought the house and one of my grippo boxes full of old collectible (I hope) comic books.

There were more details, but I think that's enough for now. It's good to have the lights back on. Good to be able to catch up on email - and blog entries. And it's good to know my neighbors keep an eye on things.

Becoming a Man of Power

2008-09-10T07:17:00.000-07:00

I remember reading Carlos Castaneda's "Don Juan" books back in High School and being fascinated by the idea of a Man of Power. As I recall it now, this was a man who was constantly going beyond his limitations, feared by his enemies, with Death walking beside him. At the time, for a wounded teenager who had no idea where he belonged, this seemed like a good way to be. I wouldn't need anyone. I would be completely self-sufficient. I would be afraid of nothing and others would fear me.

It wasn't until many years later, when I was studying more authentic versions of native Medicine ways that I discovered that the traditional view of the Man of Power is really quite different. To traditional native people, a Man of Power is someone who is living a good life, in balance with spirit, honoring his ancestors, caring for his descendants. Someone who others look to for advice or help when needed; trusted by his friends and family. A man of integrity, with a good home, a loving wife and healthy children. This is one who is blessed by the spirits, and that is a Man of Power.

This is a very different vision than what I had read about back in High School, and it led me to consider some of the clear differences in our modern culture - relative to tradition ones - that lead us to believe that power is always something to use against others.

It seems to me that our modern Western culture, especially here in the US, is more than a little bit like that wounded teenager I used to be. It seeks to overcompensate for its feelings of vulnerability by being so big and scary that no one will come near. It doesn't trust the good will of others, and is more motivated by its fear than by its real strength. Unfortunately, too many of us living here have become reflections of this cultural model. I know that I myself and still healing the wounds of that teenager, slowly realizing that I do belong after all and that there is room for me to explore the gifts that my ancestors granted me.

This is a message that is slow to come to people living here in this beautiful land. This is a place where money and possessions have been given great value, so that those without these things are considered powerless, helpless and pathetic. People here have forgotten that money is nothing more than a means of storing and directing energy. Perhaps it is because they have forgotten their connections to earth, ancestors and spirit that they have put so much onto money. But I can see what an empty goal it is, when that becomes an end in and of itself.

The only true power, in the traditional sense, comes from living a life in balance; honoring your ancestors; caring for those who you love; treating others as you would have them treat you. I have been walking this path for awhile now, setting aside the old wounds and taking up joy. In doing so, my life has changed completely. It has not been easy. The old wounds are hard to let go of. But the result is that I live a fulfilling life. I love my wife and look forward to having a family with her. My work is easy and rewarding, because it flows from within me. I am loved, respected and appreciated by those who are important to me. This is heaven. This is becoming a Man of Power.

Sorting Babas

2008-09-09T15:56:00.000-07:00

I had an experience today that points out just how easy it is to use the same words to mean different things.

I had zoomed out of the house for a lunch appointment with my friend Rabbi Dave and had almost made it all the way across town to Baba India, one of my favorite restaurants, when I realized that I had zoomed out without my monk's bag (wallet, driver's license and other necessary items). So - I found a place to make a possibly legal U-turn and zoom back home. By now I was feeling a little like a mazda commercial gone wrong.

My bag was right where I had left it and I snatched it up and ran back out the door, jumped in my car and sped off again. On my way, I realized that I was already late for our appointment so I juggled cell phone and palm pilot to find Dave's number and gave him a quick call to let him know that I was on the way. "No problem. I'm here. See you soon." So, I arrive at Baba India and walk in, scanning the packed tables for his familiar smiling face, and . . . nothing! Did he get bored and leave? Is he in the men's room?

I step back outside and take a turn around the parking lot to see if his car is there. No familiar bumper stickers! I begin to panic - mildly. I get out my cell phone and call Dave again.

"Hello?"

"I'm here. Where are you?"

"I'm in the back, where the couches are."

(Couches? What couches?) I walk back inside, still scanning. "I don't seeee you. Are you at Baba's?"

"Yes. The one in Clifton, right?"

"No! The one in Clifton is AMBAR India. Baba's is owned by their cousins - or something."

"No - Baba Budan's. The coffee bar?"

"...oh. Wow. I haven't been there in a long time. Are they still around?"

SO you see how easy it is to take one name - Baba's - and have it mean two very different things.

Fortunately the story ends well. We had a great lunch that started late but lasted until after 2:00. We discussed future projects and set up a time for our next lunch - location to be decided - before going our separate ways, full, satisfied and no longer quite as confused, at least about where Baba's is. Somethings are just in more than one place at a time.

(And it gave me something to break the writer's block I've had on this blog, so all is well!!!)

Identity theft?

2008-08-30T13:11:00.000-07:00

Something happened the other day that really got to me - and then, the very fact that it had rocked me so much, got to me more. What happened was that I got a bill for a magazine I had not ordered. When I called them to find out what was going on, they told me that I had "ordered it online." Since I knew that I had done no such thing, I asked them to give me the contact information. They had the right name, address and phone, but someone else's email address. I pointed this out to them and asked to be taken off their mailing list. After hanging up, I felt rotten - like I have been invaded somehow. This person had masqueraded as me and gotten away with it. How could that be? The part of me that thinks of itself as unique and special was feeling quite bruised.

It took awhile for the edge to come off my irritation and for me to begin considering the event from a different perspective. What really happened? Probably someone got ahold of my contact information and used it to fill an online sales quota. That has nothing to do with me. They probably have no idea who "I" am, nor do they care. So why do I take this so personally?

We hear about identity theft becoming more and more common, but what are we really talking about? Is my identity the sum of all the numbers that make up my address, car registration, birth date, etc? Do those figures in fact define me in any way? Somehow I doubt it. What they DO is locate me in space and time. They say "Kenn is the person who is right here and was born at this time in this place." They are labels of events in the time space continuum, "identifying" me by notations of when and where, but they are not definitions of who I am.

This leads me to consider: If these are not my identity, what is? On a purely physical level, there are literally millions of tiny organisms that make up my body, and it is only the efficacy of their communal interface that allows me to breathe, eat and move - not to mention think and speak. This is a rather uncomfortable thing to really dwell on, but I cannot think of it as "me."

On a more esoteric level, I have three souls: The soul of my physical presence that is tied to this world; the soul that will return to my ancestors; and, the soul that will come back for other lifetimes, as it has before. Is the co-mingling of these etheric elements the basis for my identity?

By now my head is spinning. What is identity anyway? In mundane terms it does refer to those pieces of information that separate you from everyone else for the sake of legal purposes. My name, social security number, driver's license, address, phone number - all of these are saying in some way: "this is me - that is not me." So "I" am the one who makes this statement, yes? When I sit down to meditate, it is "me" who is taking a seat on the zafu; "me" who is seeking the inner Stillness; "me" who is observing the breath; "me" who. . . but wait! If I am the one observing, who is it that is observed?

So here we are at the real problem: We don't really know who we are. This is perhaps because our "self" is more mystery than fact. But it is this discomfort of realizing that we truly do not know who this thing called "self" is that keeps us grasping at the straws of identity. There is no "self" in terms of numbers or concrete object. There is only a wavefront of consciousness, arising from the vast and incoherent community of organisms, souls, memories, connections, preferences and loyalties that masquerades - for a little while - as someone we call "ourself".

Now - when I consider the copy of TV Guide I just threw out, I am somewhat more at peace.

LumensGate Update - Emerging from the illusion: the ecstasy of Liberation!

2008-08-27T09:17:00.000-07:00

Photo by Bonnie Jean Starr

This past Sunday was the first meeting of the new planning staff for LumensGate. On the one had, I was confident that it would go well. I've worked with Mar - the new staffer - for years in other positions and knew that she would be up to the job. On the other hand, the old crew had developed such a tremendous rapport over the many years we worked together, and I was slightly concerned that moving from a staff of four to one of three would be difficult in some unforeseen fashion. Thankfully, I was wrong. Everything went quite smoothly.

We had an ambitious agenda, including the setting of a theme for next year. I was also wondering if we would be able to do this in a graceful manner. We generally have a bit longer to ruminate before we choose a theme, however it has become clear that we really need to get moving on it if we are going to make the positive changes and generate the kind of interest - and attendance (!!!) - we need for next year to be a success. It was almost strange the way that everything fell into place, each piece building on the ones before, until it became quite evident that the LumensGate gestalt - made up of all those who have gathered around the HeartFire over the past 18 years and are still connected to us in some inexplicably wonderful way - was speaking to us all very clearly. We all were having similar sensations and perceptions of where we need to go, and - with some verbal juggling - came up with the wording for the '09 theme: Emerging from the illusion: the ecstasy of liberation!

At first glance, that is a BIG theme. Okay - even at second and third glance, it's a big theme. But consider that the actual spiritual experience is very personal and immediate, and it is that experience that we are aiming to engender in our participants. So, no matter how big the theme may sound, it will eventually come down to the real experience of those who are gathered around the HeartFire next year at Hope Springs - turning those words into their/our shared reality.

We spent a good bit of time going over the marketing suggestions made by Mar's daughter Sarah. Excellent suggestions, which we are trying to implement to the extent which we can. Some we've done before and then gotten lazy about, while some are simply beyond our means at this point. But there are quite a few that are very much what we need right now. So we jammed on that for awhile and were getting ready to break for lunch when we started looking at the idea of holding small events to get out information to prospective attendees. Sort of "meet and greets" for those interested in checking it out - AND a chance for those who are already "gators" to get together and enjoy the pleasure of each others company.

Photo by BJ Star

I was still thinking in terms of a "Brunch & Drum" - very old school, neopagan sort of get together - and Patricia came up with the great idea of a "Tea Tasting". She also suggested that we hold it at our offices instead of at home, so that it would be accessible to a wider group of people. All three of us started throwing ideas into the mix and there was a moment when they all gelled and I could feel the hair raise on the back of my next as we came up with the same idea at the same time and practically finished the sentence together. It wasn't the idea itself - which is that we hold the tea tasting at Essencha Tea House - but that we came together so powerfully, that provided the extra oomph.

So, it seems that the new staff is more than up to the task and that things are off to a great start for next year's event already. It's exciting to know that the magick is continuing, even as Keter and Donna head off on their own new journeys. May it be a blessed year for us all.

namaste

Practicing like your hair is on fire. . .

2008-08-22T06:23:00.000-07:00

Patricia recently passed along a suggestion from one of her yoga teachers: "When you are sitting, practice like your hair's on fire." What a wonderful way to get across the essence of the necessary attitude for meditation!

It is so easy to get pulled out of Stillness by the seductive activity of the thinking mind. I know that, for myself, there is almost a rhythmic quality to my sitting. The first bit it letting go of all the accumulated content since the last sit. Then comes the first brief layer of Stillness. This is usually short-lived, interrupted by thoughts of what I "need" to "do"- challenging me to combat my thinking mind. What I mean by that is that there is a tendency to try to repress the thoughts - which never works. All that does is get me more and more engaged. The trick it to simply allow the thoughts to float away. If I can keep from rising to that challenge, it usually subsides for awhile and I can often get some decent Stillness in.

Then - often after ten to fifteen minutes of decent sitting - I will start getting waves of input from thinking mind about how I could use my immediate experience to teach this sitting to others. I assume this is just something that gets to to me because I teach. For others, the thinking mind probably comes up with equally engaging antics. The strategy seems to be to get me thinking of what good material this is, and then believe that I need to remember it when I come out of Stillness. Well - I'm not in Stillness anymore, am I?

I've found that returning to the idea of "practicing as if my hair is on fire" really helps me to move through these layers of thinking/not thinking. It reminds me that the only thing that matters - right now - is my practice. Everything else can wait.

namaste

Notes from the road. . .

2008-08-15T20:21:00.000-07:00

Patricia and I have just returned from a road trip to visit my aunt Marie - the last surviving sibling of my father - in Madison, WI. We drove to Chicago on friday and spent the night with Cliff and Laura after a great dinner at the Chop House with Patricia's aunt Carol and uncle Tom. Tom has been the accountant for the Chop House - a popular Chicago steak house with nothing but meat on the menu - for over 20 years. He made reservations for us for 6:00 and it was only after we had shown up and were seated at the table that he leaned over to us and whispered, "So - do you eat meat?" We both decided to indulge, in honor of Tom and the rest of the family.

Saturday morning I dragged myself out of bed and went running with Cliff and Laura - Which somehow didn't keep me from gaining 5 pounds somewhere on the trip. It was nice to be clomping along the sidewalks of Chicago, chatting about Sheya and gang warfare - not necessarily related subjects. Then we got an early start and - despite some confusion about what time zone the gps was registering - made it to Madison by noon. Patricia suggested that we stop to pick up some flowers for my aunt - and perhaps some knitting needles for her. We did find a good florist right down the road from my aunt's apartment building and were able to put together a nice bouquet for her. (Patty found some knitting needles later and was able start her next project. She finished the pair of socks for my birthday on the way up from Chicago. Great socks!)

Shortly after we arrived, Patricia and I were sitting at a table drinking tea with Aunt Marie. She was regaling us with stories from her childhood in Kentucky. "This was about my grandmother - the only one I knew - my father's mother. She would take me on walks to collect herbs. She would say 'I smell pennyrile' and then we would find it and put it in the basket. One time she was going to take me walking and I couldn't find her. I went to the back of the house and there she was, leaning back against the house with her eyes closed. She wore dresses that came all the way down to the ground and so I couldn't see what she was doing. I grabbed her by the hand and she said 'don''t pull on me! Can't you see I'm pissing?' I went back into the kitchen and asked mom 'what's pissing?' She said 'where id you hear that?' I told her and she couldn't get too angry with me since it was my grandmother who I had heard it from. She just shook her head and said, 'the back of the house always smells so bad and now I know why.' It was years later that I figured out that it was pennyroyal that we were picking and making into tea."

It was good to hear some stories about my dad too. I found out that he had joined the army in WW II because he had Jewish friends and he felt he had to do something to help them. He had already been declared unfit for duty because of the finger that got cut off that he couldn't bend properly. They were afraid he wouldn't be able to shoot a rifle. In spite of that he qualified as a marksman.

After a very large and wonderful breakfast at "Lazy Jane's" we went for a walk and I found some good antler tines to use in sweat lodge. You never know when and where something useful is going to show up.

namaste

A Normal State of Consciousness

2008-08-12T09:55:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me once what I meant by "a normal state of consciousness." At first, I thought this was a simple question with an obvious answer: "the state of consciousness you walk around in every day." But then I started to look at that answer - to pick it apart. Is the state of consciousness I'm in when I wake up and realize that I'm no longer dreaming the same as the one in which I drive to work? Is the state of consciousness that arises from making breakfast the same as that when I am eating lunch? There are so many variations of consciousness - from one moment to the next. I can be driving along in my car, thinking of what I have to do before my first client shows up and then I see the traffic slowing and stopping in front of me and my state of consciousness shifts. I am no longer in my mental fantasy of the future, but immediately aware of the cars stopping front of me.

If something that happens to bring up old unresolved feelings, I am "triggered" into yet another state of consciousness. Something else happens if I get to see my wife during the day; there is an upsurge of joy and openness which leaves me in a better mood for the next hour or so. There are so many different states of consciousness, impacted by the immediate environment, people, sensations, memory, sound, light . . . perception in all its modes. It rapidly becomes clear that there is no such thing as a normal state of consciousness that most people share for even a moment.

Instead, what I find is that there are states that we share with others - and ones that we do not. When I am working with a client, I will generally either be mirroring their state, so as to communicate with them more effectively, or I will be modeling a different state for them, to alleviate some discomfort caused by their current state. When we enter into that same state together, I am more able to "hear" them at many levels. I feel more open and receptive to what they are expressing and I find that they are generally more responsive to what I have to offer.

I imagine that the same phenomenon can be found in any crowd, where a single state of consciousness is picked up, shared and amplified by the many people in the same space - thus resulting in "mob mentality." But is this "normal?" Not so much. It only happens in situations where all the people are experiencing a similar enough stimulus from a similar enough perspective to spark that shared consciousness.

Perhaps what I was trying to express by the words "normal state of consciousness" was simply a state in which the mind is alert and focused on physical sensations arising from the immediate environment - not stuck in the past or projecting into the future, but relaxing comfortably in the Now. Hmmm - that sounds a lot like what we call "mindfulness." So much for it being normal.

From now on, I think I'll ask my clients to seek an "abnormal state of mindfulness," when returning from a trance.

namaste

consideration of initiation

2008-08-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since my last post. I've started a few, but they've just not come together. And I'm going through one of those spells where everything seems. . . harder - more difficult and demanding than it really should. Never-the-less. . . I've been taking part in some discussions about initiation in a few different places and it's been bringing up some old questions.

Initiation comes in many ways, but it comes down to a few essentials - necessary elements. 1) The person has to be capable of doing the work. This means having the talent to heal. 2) The spirits have to have noticed the person - and then begun trying to get their attention. This could be anything from an illness or loss to a life threatening accident or being struck by lightning. 3) The person has to be prepared. This preparation consists of whatever it takes to sensitize the initiate to the energies and presence of the spirits. It generally requires painful loss and ego destroying experiences that leave the person reeling and open.

As I write this, I can feel the blind spots I still have around this whole process. I know there is still a part of me that wants to somehow justify NOT being a shaman; that would like all this crazy stuff to go away and allow me to lead a "normal" life. I also know it's not going to happen. It was only after years of looking back at my childhood that I realized just how deeply I have been impacted and transformed by the death of my family - and other experiences that I'm still not comfortable addressing in such an open forum. And yet, it's still hard for me to look at it - to put all the pieces together - and then see the complete image that the pieces make: The image of myself as a shaman. Parts of me that learned to disassociate at an early age, which allow me to enter into the healing trances in which I do my work, also want to keep me from accepting the truth of this at any deeper level. It's an on-going struggle.

Another element in my own process of becoming a shaman was the actual realization - the looking into the puzzle/mirror and seeing that image reflected back at me through the limited work I was already doing. The retroactive tour of my early life - most of it still clouded - that made me accept this transformation/awakening came even later. First there was the recognition that what I was doing was shamanism. Then there was the gradual realization that I was a shaman - followed by the understanding that this process had been going on my whole life. (Apparently I'm a slow learner.)

There is a lot of discussion around the crisis of awakening to the shamanic consciousness - the realization that you are going to be doing the bidding of those "psychological allegories" we call "spirits." In my own case, it was a series of crisis which I survived, one after another, until I belatedly woke up and realized what was happening. After all, I have spent most of my childhood and a good bit of my early adulthood in a fog. I still feel that it is only gradually lifting - that I am beginning to see the world in all it's profound beauty and intricacy only now. I suspect this process is going to continue for quite some time.

I still have questions about the role I am accepting. I know that it feels to my deeper self that I am answering the call of the spirits and that I am here in service to the community of souls that includes humanity, the earth and much more. I also have my doubts. There are times when I hear about the shamans who can actually shapeshift - or levitate - or in some other way really transcend the apparent rigidity of this physical existence - and I wonder if what I am doing is "real." But Grandfather has long taught me that there are different kinds of "real" - just as there are different kinds of shamans. The work that I do with my clients fulfills some deep hunger in my soul. When I watch someone awakening deeper layers of herself; breaking out of the box of ego and fear and habit - I KNOW that I am doing what I need to, and that there is something that thanks me. That this is all part of something greater than anything I can imagine, and that I am - to some extent - placing myself into alignment with that greater presence. I don't know that I can ask more than that.

namaste

Blood, Sweat and Community

2008-08-03T13:25:00.000-07:00

I am just returning from teaching a weekend workshop on ceremonies, which climaxed with a sweat lodge on Saturday night. I am so grateful for the generosity of the Grandfathers - the spirits that come to us through the heated stones, offering us healing, blessings and medicine teachings. As usual with such an event, I am humbled by the greatness of those who come before me; those upon whose shoulders I stand - and also by the courage and spirit of those who have chosen to call me their teacher. They, of all people, know how human and fallible I am, and yet they still listen to what I have to say and take on the ordeal of the medicine lodge with me.

Over the past twenty years, I have worked many sweats - so far, this was the best one yet. We had expected to have to journey and work with the spirits for some time to find the perfect place for the lodge, and yet, when we started walking the land we were all immediately drawn to the perfect location. We thought, "the river is to the south, to the door will point that way which must be east", but when we checked it with a compass (for some strange reason) we found that the river was in the west and that the door opened to the south. In the Sheya tradition, South is the direction of consciousness, awareness and community. It hit me then: "This lodge is about community."

Unlike so many other lodges we've built, this one is semi-permanent and will be available for us to do many more sweats, which will also increase the opportunities for those apprentices who want to learn the roles of Firetender, Doorkeeper and Pourer. Not only is it in a lovely setting, but the nearby house is a natural retreat center. Quite handy.

The stones were beautiful and strong. In spite of the larger size of the lodge, it got quite hot enough. The purification rounds were particularly . . . effective.

It wouldn't be appropriate for me to go into too much detail on what the others experienced, but I got some good work done myself - letting go of some heart and soul wounds, as well as some blisters on my fingers I got while moving a hot log earlier in the evening. The stars were out when we emerged from the lodge. The feast was great - and then I think I passed out on the floor before being told to go to bed. These things really take it out of me.

I realize this entry is a bit disjointed, rambling and unfocused, which is a good description of how I am - the day after a powerful sweat.

namaste

Trusting the Spirits - a short note

2008-08-01T05:50:00.000-07:00

I just have a moment on my way to getting ready to pouring a lodge this weekend. The process has given me an excellent opportunity to reflect. We have received mixed messages from the spirits about whether or not to proceed. After considerable meditation and divining, I am choosing to go forward with the sweat.

Eventually - even with the best of advice coming from worthy sources - we need to make our own minds up. It is one thing to ask the spirits for their input; to get a different perspective on how things are - it is another to abdicate our personal choices to the influence of the spirit world. There is a delicate balance between a good relationship with our spirit allies and putting them in the driver's seat. Sometimes the spirits will even test us by trying to take over the running of our life in order for us to realize that we are the ones responsible.

This can be a difficult test. Do you honor the wisdom of the spirits by making a choice that reflects their input? Do you honor the spirits by acknowledging their input and making a choice of your own? Perhaps the most important thing is to remember that you are responsible for the choice made - whatever the advice you follow.

namaste

Good Teachers, Ego and

2008-07-29T17:40:00.000-07:00

I want to write something about how difficult it has been for me to find a really good teacher in this lifetime; how my own ego got in my way and made it hard to accept anything less than amazing master teachers; and, how I have managed to find a few of those - in spite of myself. But it's hot, humid and my brain cells are moving at a perfectly appropriate speed for this set and setting - just this side of completely stopped. So - I will give it a shot.

As I've already stated, I have found it almost impossible to locate a "good teacher." Most of this was due to the fact that, my childhood being what it was, I hadn't a very high regard for authority or those who felt they had a right to wield it. That cut out quite a few teachers from the start. Then there are my admittedly high-ish quality standards for both form and content of anything I would be willing to take the trouble to learn. I felt I needed to have a true master from which to learn, so - even when I took a class from someone - I didn't really accept them as my Teacher. That would have been admitting that they knew more than I did. And as insecure as I was, that was the last thing I could have done. My loss.

In spite of all that I managed to run into Elisheva; an amazing woman who was at the time - some 20 plus years ago - everything I always wanted to be when - if - I grew up. Or at least that's how it appeared to me. Because of this, she managed to hold my attention long enough to get some core lessons across to me - all without me even noticing. I'm still not sure how she managed some of it. All I know is that I think I was looking the other direction when it happened. She remains my best friend and mentor to this day.

About 17 years ago I heard about a weekend of Tai Chi workshops being held over in Northern Kentucky and decided to go down and check it out. I had been teaching Yang style Tai Chi in a haphazard way for some 5 years and thought I pretty well had the whole thing figured out. With a strong grounding in Chinese Medicine and QiGong, I knew more than the average Tai Chi instructor. . . . Master Ting was NOT your average Tai Chi

instructor. After that first workshop I stopped teaching Tai Chi, because I realized that I knew nothing about Tai Chi. Master TIng was like the blind monk who taught Kwai Chang Kane in that old TV series Kung Fu - except that he wasn't blind and he has never taught me how to use throwing stars. At least not yet. Master Ting is amazing. He truly is a Master - both as a martial artist and a teacher - so of course it took me more than a few years to get around to working with him again. Now - at long last I am taking workshops from him a few times a year. Even bringing him to Cincinnati to teach once a year. (You should really ask me about that if you have any interest in excellent martial arts.)

Finally, there is Heinz Stark. Back in 2001 I was teaching a series of Shamanic workshops in Cornwall as part of a tour I was leading there. (see my book Dance of Stones: A Shamanic Road Trip) My friend Lisa (Soli in DOS) had just been introduced to Constellation Work in Germany and was overflowing with enthusiasm for this new technique. I asked her to show us how it worked and we wound up spending every evening doing constellations instead of what I had planned. I was blown away by the power and possibilities of the work - as was Patricia who was along on that trip as well.

Lisa gave Patricia and I a present of some Constellation Work with some German facilitators on our next visit to Berlin, and we became even more enthralled. We had to find a way to study it - but couldn't see spending a couple years in Germany (though I was beginning to consider it). Fortunately, another friend and one of my shamanic apprentices at the time found that there was an in-depth training being offered up in Racine, WI. We checked into it and it was clearly too expensive and too time consuming for us to do do - so I went anyway. After the first weeklong seminar, Patricia joined - and we have been facilitating together ever since. But that beginning was not easy. I had to look at Heinz, with all his very human foibles, and accept that he had something very valuable to teach me. That was the first time I knowingly accepted someone as my teacher. And I've never regretted it.

Now I am hoping to find yet another teacher - and hope to be open to whatever adventure they have in store for me - kicking and screaming all the way.

namaste

Neo-Tribal Ethics

2008-07-27T08:26:00.000-07:00

Many of us who follow paths of alternative spirituality today are dealing with the need to address the question of what the structure of our communities will be. We no longer live in a tribal setting. What used to be roles within the community that were held be real people who we knew and trusted are now performed by extra-communal, non-human entities like "Government," "Law," and "the Bureaucracy."

While we are more individualistic, we still have a strong pull toward a "tribal" sense of community. And there has been a movement of spiritual groups to develop a "neo-tribal" structure to their communities.

At a recent event, Elisheva - Shofet of the Amcha and my long time friend and mentor - offered a workshop on Neo-Tribal ethics. I feel that her input is of great value to the Post-Tribal Shamanic and Sheya communities - as well as anyone else on a similar path. So I will share some of my notes with you.

This is a list of the values held by the Amcha - which is helpful for any neo-tribal group to consider.

• Self reliance - Think for yourself, but maintain good connection with the group; adult competence.

• Cooperation - Helping each other.

• Courage - Think and act with integrity - but open to new ideas. Be willing to speak your truth - even when it is unpopular.

• Respect and encourage the moral courage of others

• Generosity - Give with an open heart. Be generous of mind.

• Honor - Keep your word/commitments, but be open to renegotiating contracts when things change.

• Hospitality - Honor your guests and treat them with respect, but don't invite people who you do not respect.

• Family - Treat your blood family and family of choice with respect. You don't have to like them, but you do have to honor them.

• Frankness - Speak your mind. Say what you mean - mean what you say.

• Friendship - Know how close you are to others and act accordingly. Be aware of the degrees of obligation between acquaintance and friend.

• Moderation - Live with good sense - in balance.

• Simplicity - Use resources only as needed.

• Steadfastness - Honor your commitments.

When considering how these values apply to Sheya, I find that we need to more clearly state and acknowledge our norms - especially to those newly entering the community.

Opening the door of Stillness

2008-07-25T07:42:00.000-07:00

One of the most frequent questions I am asked in reference to my work as a shaman is "what technique do you use to go into trance states?" I suspect that many people are somewhat disappointed when I tell them that, though I also use drums, dance/movement, voice and others, I generally rely on simply moving into a deeply meditative state I call Stillness. Just like the Stillness we use in Sheya, this provides me with a very effective doorway to move into whatever trance state I choose.

Just this morning, in Temple, I went into stillness and then used that as a doorway to move into Lodge and speak with Grandfather. I've been experiencing a drought of clients recently and I was beginning to wonder if I had fallen out of favor with my ancestors or some other spirits. (I have also been working at moving into shamanic body without my hat. That's another whole entry on its own.) I entered the Tree and spiraled my way down into the Lower World and then sat with Grandfather for awhile trying to determine whether I might be in a bad place with anyone.

In his zen way, GF assured me that I was okay, but that I needed to reconnect with my ancestors here in the Lower World. We went to where most of my Dad's people are hanging out - looks rather like a mix between Kentucky and County Clare - and left them some more offerings. Gave them my thanks. Got hugs from Mom and Dad. Then came on back.

All that began with being able to move deeply enough into Stillness to find and use the doorway at my center. This makes the rest of the journey possible. And the way to get to that doorway is by regular meditation practice. This doesn't mean listening to a tape with pretty music and a guided visualization to take you to your "happy place." It means sitting with your spine erect and allowing your thoughts to release, letting your attention settle into your center until everything else moves away and you can go deeper.

This is not exactly an exciting process. In fact, the boredom is one of the layers of resistance that we have to move through in order to reach the goal. You need to be willing to sit through all the clamor of inner voices telling you that you have "better things to do than sit here wasting time." You need to be able to release your thoughts and the attachment to your thoughts until they gradually drop away. This takes time. Practice. Discipline. And no one can do it for you - except you.

namaste

One Center - everywhere

2008-07-22T19:21:00.001-07:00

It would be easy to assume that a shaman is necessarily a dualist - that if you see more than one world, then you also see things in terms of black & white; good & bad.

At least in my case, this is not true. At least on some days of the week, I am an animist, like many shamans. If you take animism to its natural conclusion, this becomes clear: All is One. If we honor the divine in trees and rocks and animals - even humans - then we are seeing the One in every reflection of that One.

Perhaps the most important lesson Grandfather ever taught me is simply this: There is only One Center. It just happens to be everywhere.

This is completely consistent with the idea of the holographic or fractal nature of the universe: That you can see the whole in any part, and that by altering one part, you change the whole.

If we take this further we discover a doorway to infinity. The One Center is set into an infinite source of energy/Qi and leads to anywhere you want to go. Mind you, I've not figured out how to take my physical body with me on these journeys - yet. The One Center is the doorway between the inner and the outer; the upper and the lower; the One and the Other. It is that which both manifests and divides the One - through what we experience as consciousness.

The shamanic perspective is at one fundamentally pragmatic and practical while still being intimately connected with the spiritual world of the ancestors and the numinous. What gives this perspective such power is the realization that these are two ends of the same perspective. They are not opposites but rather different views of the very same thing.

The things is, this unity that we experience as a duality can seem quite complex at times. It can be confusing to the senses, the mind, even to the soul, which can yearn for the illusion and for the real at the same time - perhaps because they are truly one and the same. We can talk about escaping from samsara, but it is here - in the heart of what we know to be illusion - that the real is most immediately available in all it's variety and wondrous chaotic magnificence.

As a shaman, I see many worlds, and yet, each of these worlds is a reflection of the One. This world I'm typing in is another reflection - or emanation - of the One. It is up to us to chose which reflection we experience. We do this by awakening - manifesting the gift of consciousness - to the realization that we can live in heaven or hell. We can be hungry ghosts or gods. The choice is ours. If only we know it.

namaste

Re-entry from Sirius

2008-07-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

Long time - no blog.

I just got back from a week at Brushwood Folklore Center near Sherman, NY. I arrived late yesterday after driving pretty much non-stop except for gas, with my forearms hennaed with symbols of the work I've been exploring at more depth over the past week. I go there every year for the week before Starwood. Starwood is a really, really BIG neo-pagan festival and generally chaotic gathering put on by ACE of Cleveland, that has grown a bit TOO big for my personal taste. Sirius Rising is a smaller and more spiritually focused gathering that is sponsored by Brushwood and is smaller, quieter and more digestible.

I spend most of my time there in Camp Sashu - an encampment of folks from various traditions who have been pitching our tents together at the north end of the main field for quite a few years now. We are anchored to the east by Karen's "Crone's Nest," the only permanent structure in camp. We have a series of old pavilions set next to one another creating communal space and surrounded by our personal tents. It's a very comfortable and welcoming space with good people and stable, safe energy.

From time to time I emerge from this comfortable cocoon to wander the rows off merchants, get something to eat at Phill's Grill or the Café, take a shower and hang out in the hot tub solving the problems of the world.

Somehow I managed to teach a workshop, lead a ritual, attend Elisheva's workshops and an Efa Misse (?) ritual, all without keeling over.

The workshop on Post-Tribal Shamanism went well; good attendance and interesting people. There was a fellow shaman there - with quite a different background. His name is Jase and he comes from the North American Medicine traditions. He seems like a solid fellow, with some good teachings to pass on. I'm afraid I may have stepped on his toes a bit, asking too many questions, but it's rare that I get to interact with someone else who is doing this work in a sincere and effective manner. I didn't get to chat with him nearly as much as I would have liked.

The Post Tribal Healing ritual went well - as far as the participants were concerned. The healing work went well and was received, however I felt unhappy about the work, because I had been up late the night before at the Efa ritual and so my energy was low and somewhat sluggish. I think I was also remembering how powerful and effective the ritual I did there last year was and I was hoping for a movement forward from there. I suspect that I did make a step forward. It just didn't look like I expected or like I wanted it to.

I won't say much about the Efa rite, because it's not my story to tell. I passed along some messages that were well received and also some that were less well received. It didn't wrap up until after 1:00 am, so I was a bit crispy for my own ritual the next morning.

Eli's workshops went well and I got a couple intuitional breakthroughs that feel important to me. One was during the workshop on the secrets of the Menorah. Essentially it was a connection between Asherah/Ashrat who is symbolized as a pillar; the legend that the Asherah was present in Solomon's Temple; the description of the two pillars - one black, one white - which stand at the entrance of the Temple; and, the fact that the columns were "named" Boaz and Joakim, for which there is no other reference. A cover up for the presence of the Hebrew Goddess who later became the Black and White Madonna? The other insight came during the Neo-Tribal Ethics workshop, when I realized that the traditional elements of the communal ecology still exist in our post-tribal culture, they have simply become de-personalized and abstracted into "government" and "the bureaucracy". (Yes - obvious - I know.)

It was wonderful - as it is every year - to reconnect with various friends and acquaintances made over the years, and to make a few new connections with other fellow travelers. But the heart of it was - for the first time in many years - the fire. I used to be able to do tremendous work around the nightly fires at Brushwood, but for the last decade, the fires have been taken over by hordes who want to party and grope, with no interest in spiritual growth. This year was an exception. The drumming was much more focused. The energy was cleaner. And the whole setting was more supportive to doing work. I was actually able to trancedance around the fire for over 3 hours on Friday night. As I wandered back toward camp Sashu afterwards, I came upon a fire by the north pavilion which was clearly designed to be a more spiritual fire, but it had too much chanting and "performance" energy for me to really rest into it. Never-the-less I went to sleep happy that night, and I came home deeply satisfied and ready to hang out with my lovely and talented Beloved and her cats.

Namaste

Jai, groundlessness!

2008-07-11T06:12:00.000-07:00

Coming out of a funk of groundlessness yesterday, I was struck by the way in which this state of "I have no sense of ground beneath my feet" can contribute to the awakening of my deeper Self. The sages tell us that sitting in the discomfort of groundlessness and simply acknowledging it works wonders, but I've not had much opportunity lately. Things have generally been going so well that it was difficult to summon up a real sensation of discomfort - much less groundlessness.

To be clear - what I'm talking about it that very real awareness of the impermanence of everything - including yourself. It often comes up during periods of major transition - like death. It reminds us of something our egos usually manage to ignore, with varying degrees of bliss: Namely that we are not the constant and unchanging "thing" that we might like to believe that we are. That everything we see and smell and touch and love will pass away, as will we.

You can tell when the groundlessness has hit, because of the welling sense of existential nausea that begins to flow from your center, adding a jaundiced tint to everything you encounter. Now remember: This is what you've been hoping for! Keep that in mind. Now go and sit in this discomfort. Watch it. Observe how your ego writhes in agony. See the monkey mind bounce off the walls and scream. All is well.

Once you reach that place of the calm inner smile, begin to feed the discomfort like a fire. Let it burn all the parts of your perceived self away. This makes room for your true Self to emerge.

Resting in the inner smile, your true Self takes on the cloak of permanence and plays the game of forgetting and becomes the little self.

No beginning. No end. All is One.

namaste

LumensGate coming of age

2008-07-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

Over eighteen years ago, Keter and I - along with Elise, Sam, Tara and a few other folks - founded Lumensgate. The idea was to have a venue for effective transformative ritual. We started at Brushwood Folklore Center near Sherman, NY. Primitive camping, co-ed showers and rained out rituals were the norm - along with the occasional seasonal camper showing up during our ritual cycle and freaking out our participants. We were too small - less than 100 people - to reserve the whole space for our private use and so after six (?) years we moved to Four Quarters Nature Sanctuary, near Artimas, PN. The primitive camping, outdoor showers and rained out rituals continued. But we now had shelters to eat under and Holly began creating the beginnings of a meal plan.

And it was all worth it. Each year we created a ritual cycle on a theme that we received from the LG gestalt. We re-united the Virgin and the Whore; the God and the Goddess; the magickal and the mundane. We opened our hearts to Community; connected with the Divine; and, retraced our ancestor's steps through the Dreamtime. As a gestalt, LumensGate has grown and matured over the years, taking many of its participants with it.

The heart of the event was - and is - the heartfire that is lit at the opening ritual and extinguished at the closing. This fire is where the three worlds come together and the One Center opens to allow us to do the work we come there to do.

Three years ago, with many of our staff and participants no longer so willing and/or able to handle sleeping on the ground and getting rained on for several days at a time, we made our second move from Four Quarters to Hope Springs Institute - near Peebles, OH. This move brought with it many changes. Our costs skyrocketed. (Moving from primitive camping to a retreat center will do that.) Our attendance, already small, dropped off. Many of the folks who had thought of LumensGate as a magickal or neo-pagan gathering, didn't like the shift to a more expensive venue. That first year at Hope Springs, we were not sure if we would be going forward - but by the end of that event it was quite clear that we were.

Hope Springs has been great. It feels like this is the first location for LumensGate that is a real "fit" for the work we are doing. Their sense of maintaining sacred space and stewarding the land reflects our own perspectives. In many ways, it's like finally coming home. And this partnership has helped to support my own sense of LumensGate's continued growth and momentum. We've even discussed the possibility of adding additional "editions" of LumensGate in different parts of the country, using the spiritual tech we develop for the one at Hope Springs. Very exciting! But the best thing that has come out of the past several years is the maturation and integration of our planning staff. Keter and I are the only ones from the original crew, but Donna has been with us for 16 years and Patricia has been on staff for 9 years. Over the past few years we've joked that between the four of us we have a single brain. This has been a powerful experience for me - never having been much of a team player. I have had the pleasure, honour and challenge of serving with a group of unique and amazing peers.

Last week, Donna - our Registration Goddess for the past 16 years or so - invited Patricia and I for lunch. It was a great lunch in her lovely house, with her dog Gandolf keeping us company. There she informed us that she is leaving in September for Montana and would no longer be able to serve on the staff for LumensGate. This was hard to accept, but it was clear in her voice that this was coming from the root of her being. All we could do was honour her choice and be prepared to grieve when she leaves.

Just yesterday we had our first planning staff meeting for LG '09. At the top of the agenda was "staff transitions." I was thinking that this would be a discussion of who we would be asking to join staff and how they would be brought onboard. Instead, we found out that Keter too will be leaving LG. We knew that she was planning to move to San Francisco, but there had been talk about her flying back for staff meetings. Now it is clear that this won't happen either. It was an emotional and difficult meeting for all of us.

I feel that both Keter and Donna are doing what they need to do to be true to their inner voices. I respect that - even as I grieve their loss. We will not be able to replace either of them, and there will two big holes in the inner landscape of LG for a long time to come.

Now the question is: Where do we go from here? It would almost be easier to let go of LumenGate - to allow it to dissolve. But that would not be true to MY inner voice. So I find myself in a difficult place. I feel the need, not only to continue, but to grow LumensGate - to establish additional events that use the rituals and exercises we create for the main one. But in order to do that, we need funds - resources to invest in promoting LumensGate to a much broader marketplace. LumensGate is the premier ritual event in North America, and there are many people who are hungry for what we have to offer, but hardly anyone knows about it.

I realize that we cannot make this happen with the resources we currently have. We need people who understand promotional work and who can help take us to this next level. So I am putting this dream out to Spirit. And humbly asking for help.

namaste

$pirituality - the conflict between money and awakening

2008-07-02T21:06:00.000-07:00

There is a long-standing conflict in the minds of many - if not most - modern people between spirituality and money. As a working shaman and a Sheya mentor and initiator, this is an issue I have had to work with for over twenty years now - and I'm still trying to get to the bottom of it.

There are several pieces to this puzzle. One is the way that money has come to symbolize all things material, when spirituality is so often seen as the antithesis of materialism. Another is the idea that spiritual instruction should be freely given and available to all, regardless of the sacrifices of those who offer it.

I have come to a place in my own journey where I find these two suggestions absurd. Well grounded spirituality is about integrating the whole. As long as we keep any part of the whole outside of us and paint it with the brush of shadow, we cannot be truly liberated. It is only when we realize that WE are the ones who give money - and anything else - its perceived value, that we are set free of that projection, to use use money as a simple means of storing and directing energy. As for the belief that spiritual instruct

ion should be freely given and available to all, how are we to offer instruction is we don't set good examples. Would you take diet advice from an obese nutritionist? Marital advice from a counselor who have been divorced several times? Why would you take advice on how to live a full and happy life from someone who is neither?

This is not to say that money is any indicator of health, happiness or fulfillment. In many cases, it has no bearing at all. However, being free of the stigmatized shadows we project onto money IS a good indicator of these things. As is the ability to meet ones responsibilities in an effective manner.

It is my considered opinion - at least at the moment - that any system of spiritual growth that does not maintain a healthy balance of giving and receiving, is not offering its membership a viable role-model. I realize that I am a dyed in the wool non-dualist and this may have some bearing on what I consider to be effective and healthy spirituality - but there you have it.

namaste

awakening the teacher

2008-06-30T07:18:00.000-07:00

For many years I have been rolling around the idea of "teacher" in my head - trying to figure out just what we mean by this word.

As language is painted onto the essential concepts that we try to communicate, a veil is placed between the person who expresses the concept and the one who receives that expression. And yet, without that veil, would we even be able to communicate as well as we can?

This particular concept has been calling my attention more lately as I've been designing a training program for Sheya mentors. Even there - in the choice of the word "mentor" instead of "teacher" - is a further attempt to communicate some essential variation on the concept, which is probably lost in the process. For me - though I still haven't quite gotten "teacher" firmly delineated - "mentor" is one who supports and assists the student through a process which they have voluntarily taken on. It is less concerned with passing on specific information than it is with helping the student through the various pitfalls and avalanches of the chosen path.

This realization about "mentor" reminds me of the confusion arising from "teacher". There are teachers who stand at the head of a class and shove information into children's heads. There are teachers who sit in caves and spout nonsense to awaken their occasional visitors. There are teachers who have no contact at all with their students, but create patterns of words and images that continue to instruct others for generations after their own death.

With this wide spectrum of usage, we really need to be clear what we mean when we say, "this is my teacher." It could mean anything from "I take a French class from this person" to "This person has awoken my soul."

This leads to the question of what is my role when I accept someone as my student. If I believe that I'm being asked to help them awaken their soul and they think I'm just going to spoon-feed them some intellectual "mysteries" that will allow them to live a more interesting life - we have a problem. It is my responsibility to communicate the essential nature of the service I intend to provide to any potential student - along with any boundaries, expectations and goals pertaining to the relationship.

Over the past 20 years or so that I have served as a teacher (with varying degrees of competence and incompetence) I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing that prepares you for the task other than actually doing it. If a person is open to learning from their students, they gradually improve their teaching. This has been my experience and it continues to awaken my capacity to teach at deeper levels. I would say that I have learned considerably more since becoming a teacher than I knew when I started. And the process continues!

namaste

random thoughts for today

2008-06-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

It occurs to me that many of the apparently discrete things that I'm interested in all overlap in some way. Essentially, Chinese medicine/QiGong bils down to the same map as shamanism. Tone and vibration play a part in each. The whole of Sheya is rising from the same structure - integrating tools and techniques from all of them. It's all the same thing expressed in different ways. At a superficial level, it's an obvious and simplistic statement, however, at a deeper level it is also a reflection of the nature of all those pieces.

Not all teachers are appropriate for every student. I can tell if a teacher has something of value for me to learn by observing who he is and how he lives his life. If he is the sort of person that I would like to be, then I might be able to learn something from him. The person I am now - and the person I want to become - are different from who I was and wanted to be when I was twenty. Therefore, the teachers I look to now would have been invisible to me then.

Context is everything - a warm coat is bliss to someone in a snowstorm, but on a sunny beach it is repulsive. The same can be said for much else in our world of samsara. Even though we may "realize" that it is all illusion - that there is no difference - the experience of matter and energy as "real" is remarkably persistent. Is this really just a matter of perception? Or is the very nature of our context such that, in order for us to experience, we take on this dual existence?

Terma - there are hidden teachings everywhere. Not only in the rocks and caves of the Himalayas, but in the everyday experience of each and every human being. However, one of the keys to accessing these "hidden" teachings seems to be a process of opening doorways in certain objects - like special rocks - and exploring what we find there, with the intention of discovering such teachings. What can the nature of this key tell us about the fundamental nature of our relationship with the world around us? Is this the meta-teaching behind the terma?

seed stone sits in the palm of my hand

opening doors beyond mind

I close my eyes and contemplate

endless sky

LumensGate '08

2008-06-23T08:44:00.000-07:00

Friday night I spent all night - and I do mean ALLLL night - around the heartfire, dancing, drumming and trancing out with the rest of the wonderful folks at LumensGate. I am still amazed, after 18 years, at how well it all comes together. The flow of the rituals, the openness of the participants, the presence of spirit (and spirits) all working together to make the transformations happen.

I'm still too toasty (and glowing) to make as much sense as it deserves, but I definitely found new doors to walk through. They were not comfortable, and I'm still dealing with the feelings of vulnerability and loss that arose once I had made it to dawn, but I have a feeling that this was the most powerful one yet. It will be "interesting" to watch the results of the ritual cycle take shape over the next year - both in myself and in the other "gators".

Jai Hanuman!

The Miraculous Quality of the Mundane

2008-06-17T17:55:00.000-07:00

One of my earliest memories - I think I was seven - is of riding in a truck cab with my father, listening to the radio. Quite suddenly I was struck and overwhelmed by the vast, complex and intricate network of people, skills, interaction, cooperation and efforts that made radio possible. It wasn't just that someone had invented the radio itself but that there were people who paid for advertising products, which generated income which allow allowed other people to make music and play it over the radio so that others would listen to their music, and the advertising, and perhaps even purchase the products advertised, thus completing the cycle. I don't know how long it lasted, but I was pretty stunned by the complexity of it all.

Quite a few years ago, when I was twenty something and was meditating for hours a day, I once went for a walk and realized I could feel the sidewalk humming. I saw that even the sidewalk, made of crushed sand and grit, was still alive - that everything was filled with Chi. This realization left me quite blissed out for hours afterwards. Since then I have always tried to keep in mind that the whole of the world is alive and conscious at some level. Not just the trees and animals but the stones and even the dixie cups.

Yesterday, in the shower, I found myself looking at my twin bladed razor and thinking "this too is alive." It was tempting to laugh it off - seeing myself as ridiculous. But it's true - and miraculous. Consider the miracle of the razor: Not only is it an item that could not be produced by our bare hands. Not even a skilled blacksmith with a complete set of modern tools could craft this simple product. It takes the completely (apparently) unconscious and unskilled attentions of a robot factory fed on the remains of long dead monsters that once roamed the earth, to slap together a construction of plastic and steel that would not even exist if not for the current trends in human society to 1) be clean shaven, 2) compete with each other for resources, 3) constantly strive to find and meet previously unrealized needs in order to more effectively compete with other monkeys for

increasingly scarce resources....and it occurs to me that sometimes miracles are not things emerging from puffs of green smoke but instead arising from the fog of the everyday trance - that even awakening from that trance, even for a moment. That is a miracle. We humans - building trash heaps of wasted resources on which we sacrifice the future of our unborn generations in the vague hope of another moment of unknowing - and suddenly acting out of compassion we transform everything - with a single smile we change the world. It is worthwhile - valuable - beautiful. . . and never to be encompassed by mere words. This magical, ecstatic Mystery that we are. What grand visions we mistake for mundane refuse.

namaste

Initiation

2008-06-16T07:04:00.000-07:00

Shamanism is one of those things you can read about in every book in the world and still not really grasp. This is because words live in one world and the roots and reach of the shaman lie in others. Access to these other worlds is not defined by intellectual understanding, but by direct experience - experiences that we call initiation. An initiation is a doorway opening into these other worlds. It might take many forms in this world, but if it is an effective initiation, it will have the impact of opening your awareness to the worlds of the shaman.

It could be something as simple as a life threatening illness that shoves you out of your body and into an "hallucinatory" state in which you encounter beings or information that change your life. I could be something more specific, like a ceremony in which your physical body is ritually dismembered and your organs replaced with glowing gems.

Initiations generally take one of two paths. Either they occur naturally - illness, car accident, lightning strike - or they are planned and orchestrated by those who have already encountered these doorways and know how to acquaint you with them in a safe and relatively non-traumatic way. If you have the choice, I encourage you to seek the later. They are much easier. Still terrifying and overwhelming, but much easier than the initiations that spirits provide you with if they feel you are not responding to their calls.

Those initiations that are encountered haphazardly in life seem to be sent by spirits that have decided they have a use for you. It would help if we lived in a culture that recognized such encounters for what they are and responded appropriately. Instead, what often happens is that the spirits get frustrated when we don't respond and so they knock louder. Eventually we either wake up or we don't survive.

I don't mean to say that every car wreck, epileptic seizure or coma is a call from the spirits. This is another way in which words to not begin to express the nature of what it. There is a unique quality to an experience that is an attempt by spirit to wake you up. You may experience this quality in the disorientation of your consciousness and the sudden awareness of things that you didn't know before, but suddenly realize to be true. It can all be quite confusing - and there is little difference between someone called to be a shaman and a madman.

Of course, as indicated by another meaning of the word, initiation is only the beginning.

Keeping the Ancestors Happy

2008-06-15T06:14:00.000-07:00

It's not often in this culture that we stop to consider the ones on whose shoulders we stand - that long line of ancestors, without which we would not be here today. Shamanic teachings talk about the three souls humans have, and one of those souls comes from - and returns to - the ancestors. So we owe them our gratitude and our continued appreciation. We've lost this - most of us anyway. Grandparents and those before them might get a photo or two, a place in the family album, but they rarely have a real presence in our lives.

When I think about how ancestors are respected and honored in tribal culture, it occurs to me that this might be one reason why we've lost so many other good parts of that culture as well. For instance, there is a sense of ingrained generosity in tribal people that I just don't see in moderns. Not that the people I know in our culture aren't generous, but that there is a difference. (And if there's someone who grew up in a tribal culture who would care to speak to this - please feel free.) There seems to me an unconscious sense of obligation to and openness of spirit and heart to fellow members of your tribe that we have lost. And this sense of generosity extends to the ancestors as well. Often there are rituals around the feeding and care of the ancestors - holding a place for them at meals - passing a plate for them.

I try to rediscover this myself by having an altar for my ancestors and giving them daily offerings - speaking to them - asking for their continued blessings - asking for their guidance and support. All of us like to be listened to and to be of use - apparently this applies to the ancestors as well. The occasional offering of Irish whisky seems to make some of them particularly happy.

As much as we might have lost of our tribal ways, it's important to realize that we can only reclaim these pieces from where we are now - not by taking on the trappings of a tribal culture; not by wearing another tribe's tradition like a costume. We must rediscover what has meaning for us and for our ancestors. When we do this; when we stand with our ancestors and remember we are not alone on this earth, we begin to remember what it is to be more fully human.

namaste

Dueling with my demons

2008-06-14T09:50:00.000-07:00

The Sheya community is going through some interesting changes lately. Which in turn are stirring up some interesting issues and generating good discussion. What I find fascinating is that it's so easy to not see when something is our own issue. We become so determined that this thing is right and proper and that others just are not seeing the truth of it that we loose all sight of how things actually are.

One of the issues that has come up is that of providing certificates of completion for those going through an initiation. For some reason, this hits me right in one of my own issues. I obviously need to work this out before taking it to the rest of the community.

It my mind, the initiations are tremendously sacred and powerful doorways into the sacred Mysteries that lie at the heart of the human experience. As such, it strikes me a somewhat absurd to go through such a transformative, mind-blowing experience and then be handed a certificate that states that you have, in fact, been through this experience. It's kind of like getting a certificate that states that you have received a tattoo - isn't the experience itself certification enough? Apparently not.

So how do I address this? I recognize that my response is based on my own deep reverence for the initiatory process which I feel would be defiled by certification. But would it? Would the Mysteries be changed or lessened in any way if we handed the initiates a piece of paper afterwards that proclaims that they are now an a certified initiate? Hmmmmm. . . .

There are other questions that have been raised by the recently announced changes to our mentoring program, but most of them don't even ruffle my feathers. So I can tell that this one has managed to run right into one of my own personal shadows. Perhaps I am afraid that if we are not properly respectful of these awesome mysteries, that they will cease to function for us. Isn't that a little like being afraid that gravity will stop working if I don't brush my teeth?

But what to do? The reality of it is: I really don't WANT there to be anything that lessens or distorts the impact of the initiations in any way - and there is nothing I can really do about that other than to continue to honor them and to provide the best and clearest initiations that I can, training other initiators to do the same. And I believe that I need to give our students the opportunity - should they so desire it - to have another piece of paper to hang on their walls.

namaste

looking in the mirror

2008-06-11T07:03:00.000-07:00

Our social evolution impacts our personal lives as well as our society as a whole. The movement away from integrated community toward radical individualism has birthed a whole spectrum of new reactions to old stimuli. One clear example is the tendency to draw away from others when hurt. I've seen this in myself as well as in my friends and clients. We seem to think that there is comfort and/or safety in being separate. But all this does is lead to greater separation and further frustrates our hunger for connection.

When we look at the animal world for reflections of our own nature, we tend to think of the "lone wolf", the eagle, the lion or other predators with little or no tie to community. But the closest real reflection of us in the animal world is the ape - a very communal animal. So - why do we so often chose to see ourselves as an anti-social predator, rather than a communal omnivore? Whatever the answer, this certainly reflects a long standing movement in human consciousness. I don't know when it began, but there is a long history of predators being chosen to symbolize nations.

Perhaps we need to consider what it would be like to have a nation whose symbol in the bonobo ape.

namaste

Diving for pearls. . .

2008-06-09T15:38:00.000-07:00

Like pearl divers, who learn how to hold their breath for considerably longer than the average person, we modern humans have learned - however unintentionally - to live without the necessary element of community. However, as any pearl diver can tell you, the need does not go away.

Unfortunately it seems that we've forgotten that we have this need for community, and in the process, forgotten what community is. You can see the frantic attempts to fulfill this essential hunger - in the creation of internet "tribes", Special Interest Groups, sport clubs and other new variations on the theme of community. What it comes down to is that we are desperately hungry for real connection with others. And our modern culture has evolved by ignoring and attempting to replace this fundamental need with personal achievement, individual recognition and sovereignty. While these may all be good things in and of themselves, they also keep us from realizing that we cannot do it alone.

It is past time for us to rediscover the recipe for real community. It will not be a return to the way things were. We can't go back. It will need to be a movement forward, informed and inspired by what we once had, but honoring who we have become. Rather than returning to a sense of tribe in which the individual is submerged in the whole, we will need to explore how to create a real sense of connection and integration between sovereign and equal individuals. This will mean going through a lot of work - together. It will be more than swapping emails, IMs and blogs. It will mean getting sweaty and dirty working together on something of value to the whole group. It will mean going beyond the range of comfort for those who you share this wholeness with. It will mean living in proximity and committing to maintaining that proximity, even when it becomes difficult. It will mean working THROUGH difficulties together.

Only by going through the necessary stages of development together can a group hope to become a whole. It seems to me that more and more of our rugged individualists are ready to make this leap into the unknown and unremembered place of communion.

namaste

the making of the shaman

2008-06-07T09:01:00.000-07:00

In traditional cultures someone generally becomes a shaman in one of two ways. Either they are born into a family of shamans or they are pointed out by traumatic events in their life that open them to communication with sprits. Since there are not many established family lines of shamans here in the modern world, we have to rely on the other primary form of inducing shamanic development. These traumas, which usually but not always, come in early life, can range from physical illness and near death to traumatic abuse and loss. But this is only the beginning.

I read an article by Jason Godesky entitled Neoshamanism is Masturbation. While he rightly points out that many of those who claim to practice shamanism in our culture are little more than spiritual tourists, he misses some very important points as well. For instance, he reasons that since the traditional shaman works within a community; only serves the members of that community, and does not receive payment for the work that he does, that this means that any person claiming to be a shaman who serves those not in his immediate community or who takes money for his services cannot be a valid shaman.

His first mistake is not recognizing what parts of the picture refer to the shaman and what parts refer to the culture in which the shaman is working. Obviously, when a shamans working in a traditional culture acts according to the norms of that culture it is appropriate and competent. Just as obviously, if a shaman were to act according to those norms in our culture, it would be both inappropriate and incompetent.

Within a tribal culture, the needs of the shaman are met by the other members of the tribe in exchange for his or her service to the tribe in the realm of spirits, sickness, stories and whatever else they deem to be appropriate to that role. So there is no need for the shaman to "charge" in that context. He has no rent, no food bill - everything is already taken care of.

Within our culture, we meet our needs by providing services in exchange for money, which we then exchange for the goods and services we require. These are the norms of our culture, and it is only right and fitting for someone working in this culture to work within these norms.

Shamanism is not about adopting the norms and practices of other cultures. It is not about cultural appropriation. It is about recognizing our necessary links to ancestors, spirits and the divine and learning to express these connections in meaningful and healing ways. Ultimately, this IS in service to the greater community.

Going back to the making of the shaman. Once someone has gone through whatever traumatic events have sensitized them to the spirits and given them a taste of altered states, they still are not ready to shamanize. If they are stable enough, they may be qualified to start training. Assuming they can find capable teachers and make it through whatever additional initiations that are required, they may get to the point of providing effective shamanic services to others.

It's all in Stillness

2008-06-06T07:21:00.000-07:00

It's one thing to say that everything your soul needs for its process of awakening is right there in the practice of Stillness/meditation. It's quite another thing to put into coherent terms just what these packed away resources are. I can describe the impact that the unpacking has on a person's life: The deepening of sense of Self; the greater vitality and clarity of connection, but it is such a personal and intimate process that I hesitate to go beyond those generalities.

What I usually find is that those whose souls are already awakening immediately sense the validity of the claim and either begin practicing diligently or run the other way, depending on how they feel about the prospect of becoming more awake. It's the one's who are further from the goal who seem to have more difficulty in recognizing how something so simple and apparently inactive as meditation can have a significant impact on their lives.

One of the most difficult points to get across to some is that Stillness is not a struggle. The idea is not to repress our thoughts; to shove them down until they give up. Indeed, as soon as you start fighting, you've already lost. The trick is in letting them go. Just like a rock resting on the floor of a river lets the water go.

Roots of the modern shaman

2008-05-31T10:34:00.000-07:00

While the word shaman comes from the Tinglit in Siberia, the roots of the practice go much deeper. It's easy for us to look at those living in traditional societies and believe that we are better off without the trappings of tribal community. After all, there's always someone looking over your shoulder. Everyone knows your business. There's no privacy. Why would any self respecting person want to live in such a cloying web of connections and relations?

The question says it all. A member of a tribe doesn't respect self before clan. While those of us raised in the modern "Western" culture see the rugged individualist as the pinnacle of social evolution, this has been a relatively recent phenomenon - and not all that wide-spread. Most of the world still has much stronger "family values" than we can even conceive of.

It's common in the US for people to pick up and move to a different state for the sake of their career or education. No one thinks any less of them, and they are encouraged, because this is what individuals are supposed to do. Moving away from your roots, however shallow they may be to begin with, is seen as right and proper. After all, you wouldn't want to be tied down to your family and friends. Those coming from more traditional cultures, even in Europe, may shake their heads in wonder at the apparent lack of feeling and connection we display.

But what does this have to do with shamanism? I'm glad you asked! In a traditional setting, the shaman works in service to his or her community. So what happens when there is no community? Does the role of the shaman simply evaporate? No. If anything, the need is greater. Part of the work of a shaman is to remind the people where they come from; to help them develop their spiritual roots and to recognize the gifts of their ancestors. These are needed more by our "rugged individualists" than by anyone living in a tribal culture.

While the shape of society has transformed, the substance of what it is to be human has not. To a certain extent, the function of a shaman reflects the context in which he or she works. If their is a coherent community, it makes sense to work within that structure. However, if that community does not exist, the shaman still has work to do. What that work is will reflect the nature of the society we find ourselves in today.

There are those who believe that since the definition of shamanism that we "Westerners" developed from observing indigenous healers included "service to community", there can be no shamans without that element. Some even go so far as to claim that the practices of the shaman "belong" to the indigenous cultures in which they were found and that for us to use them is to steal them from the source. I would argue that this is a misunderstanding of the nature of shamanism and of the human condition. Shamanism is rooted in the human experience. The fact that people in our modern culture can be effectively healed by shamanic methods is one proof that they are valid and appropriate. The fact that moderns can also become effective shamans is another.

This is not to say that all modern "shamans" are relevant, valid or even sane. Nor do I approve of the tendency of some to wear the trappings of other cultures - dressing up as native Americans or other tribal people - and offering their traditional teachings for a fee.

An effective shaman is not just someone who has taken a few workshops and uses a drum to put their clients into an altered state. While the cultural setting has changed, the shaman is still a person who has passed through initiation and transformation; who has met their demons and survived; who speaks with the spirits and who is able to use that experience to assist in the healing of others.

namaste

What is a shaman today?

2008-05-27T09:29:00.000-07:00

The work of the shaman is in service to community - but what does that mean in a culture that has lost its traditional ties? What is the community the shaman serves? This question has many answers. For myself, the community I serve is made up of those who seek out my help. Clients, students and friends - these have become the community I need in order to be of service. And yet we still lack a community in the traditional sense. This is one of those "invisible wounds" that plague us as individuals and as a society.

Perhaps the single most important aspect of social evolution with regards to the role of the shaman, is the movement from the most important element of our culture being the clan or tribe to it becoming the individual. When we put the individual before the communal, the ties of traditional community break down. And the sovereign emerges.

Now imagine what it might be like to develop a community of sovereigns. . . .

2008-05-26T05:39:00.000-07:00

In our modern world we generally think about the soul as an abstract principle that has little or no impact on who and how we are here and now - in this physical world. Perhaps because of this, there is confusion around where the soul goes after death and if any part of us lives on.

In many tribal cultures the story goes something like this. When you die, a part of your soul stays on in here, eventually dissolving into the natural substance of the world, where it remains. The rest of you goes into the lower world where it reunites with your ancestors and begins to process the unresolved parts of your life. When enough of that has been accomplished, yet another part of your soul rises up through the world tree to the upper world, where it may choose to be born again into a new body.

Of course this outline differs somewhat from one culture to another, but it shows up even in Hebrew/Jewish spiritual tradition where the three parts of the soul are called neshem, neshemah and ruach.

I was struck by this while preparing for my meditation practice this morning. My wife and I have a room set apart for our spiritual practice. We have space there to honor our physical ancestors and our spiritual ancestors. I had originally thought of the spiritual ancestors as some sort of conceptual background for my spiritual/shamanic path in this life, but as I looked over at them this morning, it struck me that they were in fact the real ancestors of that part of me that will eventually rise back up the world tree - to return again with a different face.

That part of us - of me at any rate - tends to process information a bit differently than the ego. It has a deeper sense of what is true and of the relationship between all the pieces of the whole. It's in realizations like this that this deeper part of the self reveals its nature - and its gifts. It keeps reminding me that this is another good reason to continue my daily practice.

namaste

Getting focused

2008-05-25T12:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there's nothing like getting your hands dirty. I've just spent today and yesterday out in the garden getting earth under my fingernails and it's amazing how much it calms my spirit. Mind you, it also stiffens my back and knees, but that's a different matter.

Sales of the book are beginning to climb - even without all the promotional material that got disappeared off my hard drive. One of my old students from the workshops up in Ann Arbor came down for a visit a couple days ago and asked me if I knew that my book "bounces off walls." Apparently it managed to trigger her to the point that she had to throw it. I'm thinking this might be a good thing. At least she's not bored.

I suppose I should start applying this blog to shamanism. But I have some questions coming up in that process. For instance: I need to maintain client confidentiality, so I can't talk about work in progress. And the conversational tone that I'm working on may lull me into the sense that I'm just talking to myself - which could be dangerous.

One of the issues that comes up around doing this work is that the word/term Shaman doesn't come from English. I think it says a lot about where we are in our culture that we have had to adopt the word from the Tinglit, because we no longer even have the concept readily available in our cosmology. Having done so, however, the word has become more widely used and relatively understood than it ever was when it referred only to those people in the Tungus region who practiced altered states healing techniques for their traditional communities. In fact, if it wasn't for the Russians who brought the word to the attention of their colleges, we might have had to create our own term from spare parts of other words. I can only image what we might have come up with. Soulhealer; Journeyerinotherworlds; Ekkar. . . the possibilities are endless. And if you think the topic is confusing NOW - just imagine. . . .

My own, somewhat biased, perspective is that the term Shaman has been firmly and successfully co-opted by the modern western world. Just like we are not about to give back Manhattan, we are not going to return the less substantial elements of traditional culture that we've appropriated over the years either. In pragmatic terms, Shaman is now in the dictionary. It has meaning in our language too. And - ever so gradually - it is becoming a meaningful part of our spiritual awakening.

p.s.

2008-05-14T20:48:00.001-07:00

The skies did open - but it was only rain. . . which meant I had to get the 21 boxes of books inside immediately. I guess I asked for it.

Blown Away

2008-05-14T07:54:00.000-07:00

I begin to have a real appreciation for how the old farmer feels who climbs out of his storm cellar to view the utter devastation to his farm. The house is gone. The barn is gone. Even the cow is gone. So he just sits down on the steps of the storm cellar and starts laughing at the completeness of it all.

I took my macbook Pro in for an upgrade the other day and in the process my hard disk got corrupted. I lost everything but the specific files I had backed up. Good thing I had done that. But I lost me email for the past 10 years, training logs, calendar, address book, even the "cow".

On top of that, my books are supposed to be showing up on my front porch this morning and I've lost the addresses of the people who made advance purchases. It's going to be an interesting time.

On the other hand, it's a great opportunity to realize just how attached I've gotten to the bits and pieces of everyday life. How important are they, really? I still have my body, my mind, my soul, my wife, my home - not a bad deal.

namaste!

First steps

2008-05-11T09:21:00.000-07:00

The changes are coming fast and furiously, so why not change up to a new blog site and spread the word, eh?

My first book - Dance of Stones: A Shamanic Road Trip - is due off the presses any day now and it feels like a good time to climb out of the little pond I've been swimming in and begin to explore some distant shores.

Mind you - this is taking the place of my initial gardening plans for today, which got rained out. In the future, it might well happen that this blog will be interrupted by sunny skys. Worse things could happen.

I hope to allow this to grow in an organic and haphazard way - much like my garden - focusing on whatever happens to be on my mind when I sit down in front of the computer.

It was interesting receiving my advance copies of the book this week. I hadn't realized that I half expected the clouds to part and trumpets to sound as I pulled off the heat shrink wrappers - but I was somewhat disappointed to find that it didn't happen. The skys remained calm and, after ten long years of work, the book is done and in my hands, looking much like. . . a book. I had to smile, thinking that there is still a chance that when the truck shows up with the boxes of the rest of the books, there might be a bit more celestial response. I'll be sure to let you know.

namaste,

Kenn